Fromage de Pu!!: "Last Days of Planet Earth"(1981)

[peter johnson]

Doncha' just love it when you find some real stinky cheese?  I mean crap you've never even seen on a shelf before?
Since VHS tapes are on the way out, video stores all over the state here -- Colorado -- are outdoing one another in their efforts to dump them.  I found this practially brand new gem in the 50 cent bin -- And it's worth every penny!!
First, the cover:  No credits, just a painting (!) of a crowd of people running from what looks like an atomic blast, and the words:  "Last Days of Planet Earth".
On the back of the box is one still photo of some soldiers and what look like Japanese scientists.
It's from TOHO!  The studio of Gojira!!
As near as I can figure, this had to have been cut down from like a TV miniseries or something.  This would explain some of the lack of continuity & the sections of black screen (Insert commercial here!).   Someone who had the tape originally has scribbled on the label that it's actually from 1974, not 1981, which would go a long way to explain the hippies and disco suits on display.
The "film"(?) begins with an interminable voiceover in monotone about Nostradamus.  Throughout the "picture"(?). random, irrelevant and unnecessary references to Nostradamus will suddenly pop out of nowhere.  Nostradamus was, surprisingly, Japanese -- who knew?  So are most of the people of the Earth Japanese, especially natives in the New Guinea jungles.
This film has it all:  
     Dubbing so terrible, with lines so literally translated from Japanese as to make no sense.  
     GIANT RUBBER MONSTER BATS WITH CANVAS WINGS ON VISIBLE STRINGS!!!!
     A guy finds out his girlfriend is pregnant & strokes her stomach gently.  She screams, "You will be hurt my baby!"  and runs off down the beach.  He pursues her throwing sand at her.
Dali, Pasolini or Bunuel would be hard pressed to concoct such a scene of pointless, hallucinatory surrealism.
     GIANT MUTANT SLUGS that pose no threat of any kind and move very slowly SLAUGHTERED BY HUGE FLAMETHROWERS!!!!
     Models . . . lots and lots of models . . . Model cities destroyed by fire!!  By mudslides!!  By earthquakes!!  By tidal waves!!!!  The destruction of toy cars is unparalleled in ANY other film I've ever seen.  Enough model hardware is destroyed in this thing to equal any 5 Gojira movies, I poop thee not
     Case in point:  During a traffic-jam scene, one motorist goes berserk & tries to squeeze down the meridian, smashing into the sides of lots of cars as he does.  He goes airborne for some reason(?) and explodes.  His tiny explosion sets off a chain reaction of exploding cars, until an entire freeway set is burning away, along with perhaps 3 dozen model cars.
     There is one really disturbing scene at the very end, after the model rockets have all been launched, and the stock footage of Bimini and war newsreels have all been shown, wherein you see 2 denizens of the post-apocalyptic world alternately be scared by & then fight over a giant worm-snake thing.  The canvas makeup on these guys is really pretty scary, unlilke the rest of the film.
     That Nostradamus man, he one man fellow got right everything! . . . Hai!!
peter johnson/denny crane

[Scott]

Sounds like you found a winner Peter Johnson and will add it to my list. It's listed on imdb.com as 1974. Thanks Peter.

LAST DAYS OF PLANET EARTH (1974)

[ulthar]

A guy finds out his girlfriend is pregnant ...  He pursues her throwing sand at her.

It is worth it just for that.  I'll have to find this one.

[Just Plain Horse]

I saw this movie about six years ago and the film's soundtrack still echoes in my brain. The line about the sky looking like a reflex mirror sticks in my head too.

[Dr. Whom]

Peter, where on earth did you learn French? Certainly not in a French speaking area!

[peter johnson]

I've never learned French --
I was able to get myself fed and transported from '73 through '77, when I was traveling through France and French-speaking areas via mime and sign-language.
So, yeah, my grammar sucks . . .
Um . . . This would be "badmovies.org" -- Were you seeking a French Grammar site?
C'est des badmovies. Nous n'avons aucun besoin de votre snobbery liguistic.
Much Love
peter johnson/denny crane