I want your reviews

[Menard]

I am running behind. It has been several weeks since I have built a new site.

A cure is in the works as I am working on a DVD store.

I am going to be including a movie reviews section and need reviews for it.

If you have written reviews for the board or if you have a review site and would like to contribute one or more of your reviews, I would be more than appreciative. Anybody interested in contributing, who has their own site, will get a link posted with each review and have a link included on the affiliates page as a contributor.

If you would like to contribute a review, please reply to this thread or send me a personal message.


Thank You



Okay, now back to abusing every single one of you.

[Kooshmeister]

That sounds interesting. How long do the reviews need to be?

[Menard]

That sounds interesting. How long do the reviews need to be?

Did you say long?




Just funnin ya.

Make it as long or as short as you wish. Being that I am asking for contributions, I really can't be picky and any good review is greatly appreciated.

[Trevor]

 

Hi there, Menard. 

I have only ever written one review for a site (aside from the ones that I used to write for the IMDB) and that was one of everyone's favourite bad movie, the multi-Oscar winning Gymkata. 

The link is www.badmovieplanet.com/inferno/archives/gymkata.html. I would have liked Andrew to have it.

If you like, take a look at it and let me know what you think ~ I am currently working on a review of Operation Delta Force, truly one of the most terrible films ever made in South Africa. The scary thing is that I know most of the people who worked on this film!

If you like the Gymkata review and would like some more, I can send the Operation Delta Force review to you.

Regards

Trevor 

[Menard]

Thank you for the offer Trevor, but I really can't use recaps being that the purpose of the site is to offer DVDs for purchase and spoilers hurt the ability to sell some titles.

The exception would be if it were a recap of a classic where everybody knows how it ends anyway and are interested in a critical analysis of the film.

If, however, you wouldn't mind me editing it down, to your approval of course, to remove some spoilers, I might be able to use it then.

Thank You

P.S. Do you have any of your reviews from IMDB?

[Kooshmeister]

Welp, if you like any of my reviews, sure, I'd love to participate. Although I tend to do insanely long ones, I can do shorter, spoiler-free ones if need be.

[T-Rex Television]

Well, as Ive said before I've started to review movies, So i guess i can contribute one if you would like. Is there any movie/s in particular you would like to be in your review page, or just any?

[Menard]

Any movie reviewed works for me as the site is a general DVD site and not oriented to any specific genre; although I do have a tendency to highlight sleaze and Eurotrash (uh...gee...I don't know why ).

Reviews without spoilers, uh...primarily the ending (I've never seen The Sixth Sense due to someone who could not resist in telling me the main plot twist which basically ruined any chance of me enjoying the film having known that) would be best for more current titles that people may want to see.

Your recaps would be fine and appreciated Kooshmeister. If you have any that are spoiler free, that would be great, but subjects like the King Kong remake work for me as I don't think anybody would be surprised by the ending as we all know how it ends by now and a lot of us watch a classic for the fun of it, even though we know what is going to happen. Even though your reviews are long (and I mean lonnnnnnnnnnng), they are well written and have a lot of fun input from you; not to mention, despite what Poor Albert thinks, they provide excellent content for search engines.

[Torgo]

I've been meaning to submit reviews for possible consideration on this site for the following flicks:

1)  Godmonster of Indian Flats

2) Ninja: the Final Duel

3) I Married a Strange Person

4) Raw Deal

But I just can't seem to get my lazy butt in gear to write any reviews.   

[Kooshmeister]

Your recaps would be fine and appreciated Kooshmeister. If you have any that are spoiler free, that would be great, but subjects like the King Kong remake work for me as I don't think anybody would be surprised by the ending as we all know how it ends by now and a lot of us watch a classic for the fun of it, even though we know what is going to happen. Even though your reviews are long (and I mean lonnnnnnnnnnng), they are well written and have a lot of fun input from you; not to mention, despite what Poor Albert thinks, they provide excellent content for search engines.

Well then, just tell me where to send it and King Kong 1976 shall be my very first review for your site!

[Trevor]

  Hi Menard.

You can use that review as you wish, no problem.

I have no access to IMDB but the films I reviewed there were:

Jackass The Movie
The Crimson Rivers
Die Kandidaat
Shangani Patrol
Jannie Totsiens
Die Kandidaat
Die Geheim Van Nantes

[CoreyHeldpen]

I have some critiques scattered around the Review Boards. You could use some of those if you want.

They are as follows:
Alien 3000
The Beast From Haunted Cave
Critters
Blood Tide
Bloodthirst 2: Revenge of the Cupacabras
Cerberus

[DistantJ]

Are you linking directly to off-site reviews, or are you pasting our written reviews onto your page?

If you're linking offsite, I'm perfectly happy for you to link to this SUSPIRIA review I just did, I suppose you could consider it "EuroTrash":

http://www.hooplanet.co.uk/article.php?subaction=showfull&id=1174174364&archive=&start_from=&ucat=8&

If you're pasting the written reviews onto your page, I can paste my 'condensed' version which I used for IMDb and the like for you to use, but I would like a link to my site if you do it that way.

[Menard]

I am posting the reviews on the site itself, but a link to either your site or a specific page on your site will be included with any, and every, review submitted.

[DistantJ]

You can use this. Cut out the swearwords if you need to:

There was a lot of Hoopla about this film on all of the horror websites I've seen. The cover of the DVD says "One of the scariest movies ever made...", but I've learned it's wise to ignore that over-used line because it's usually bulls**t and sets your expectations way higher for the film. But who could resist buying a fairytale film by Italo-lunatic Dario Argento, especially one which is referred to as his 'masterpiece'?

Our heroine Suzi Banyon, an American girl with a serious need for some eyebrow plucking, moves into a dance school in Germany, but grisly murders begin to occur there, and she discovers that the school has a dark, supernatural secret...

The film opens so well. Right from the beginning there's a sense of dread, the killer eerie music by Goblin feels amazingly ominous and may even remind you of the opening of Mike Oldfield's masterpiece "Tubular Bells", which was used so well in "The Exorcist", and achieves the same eerie feeling.

A few moments into the movie we are treated to an extremely frightening scene involving a window (but doesn't involve catching Rosie O'Donnell changing with the curtains open, there is a limit to how scary these films can be), which then breaks into what has to be one of the most original death scenes I have seen. A sign of things to come? Let's hope so.

For the rest of the movie we see some more stylised kills, though none of them quite living up to the first one. However, what drives this film is the tension and atmosphere. I remember years and years ago, seeing the sexy ass French lesbian Vampire film, "Shiver of the Vampires", and admiring the atmosphere, in particular the use of red lighting in some scenes, where you wouldn't really find red light. The thing is, coloured light effects are actually not very common at all in modern horror films - they're scrapped in favour of realism, but in the sexy Vampire flick, when I wasn't too busy staring at the nude 70's French chicks, they worked a charm. Suspiria proved to me that the Italians can do that even better, and has provided me with a film which seems to be entirely based around using that kind of atmosphere, to extreme lengths.

As with all of Dario Argento's movies, the acting and dialogue is, well, comedy genius. Of the unintended kind. Dario ain't great at English and it shows. He also likes to record the movie without sound and dub the voices on afterwards, which knocks the cheese factor up another 10 levels or so. He even allows some of his actors to speak in Italian to then be dubbed over in English, which causes some painfully bad lip sync.

"The only thing more terrifying than the last twelve minutes of Suspiria, are the first ninety-two", croaks the creepy voice-over man on the rather korny US theatrical trailer. There's actually an amusing irony to this little gimmick tag-line, as the end of the movie actually isn't quite as good as the rest. Just as the secrets are finally being uncovered, the final battle breaks out and is over before you know it. Questions are left unanswered, before you have even been given the time to ask the question. When our bushy eyebrowed heroine manages to destroy the 'final villain', you almost want to say "was that it?".

Other than the slight cop-out of an ending, the film was great fun, and the atmosphere wins hands down and this instantly gets to sit in my 'favourites' list.

Apparently, in Germany:
- The world is a lot more colourful.
- Names beginning with the letter S are for Snakes.
- Wine is luminous pink.
- Everything goes either red or green at night time.
- Witches don't like Americans.
- Lurch from The Addams Family moved there and became obsessed with cigarette lighters.
- Maggots usually come from the cieling.
- Traditional dancing consists of men on tables slapping each other.
- Folk music requires an electric guitar.
- Wire is very sharp.

Do yourself a favour and watch Suspiria in the dark. You just can't beat the atmosphere.

And point the link here:

http://www.hooplanet.co.uk/article.php?subaction=showfull&id=1174174364&archive=&start_from=&ucat=8&;