Interactive B-Movie 2

[CoreyHeldpen]

Hey everybody. Its high time we started another Interactive Bad Movie, don't you think? The rules here are exactly the same as the rules for the first. You can add and dispose of characters and subplots as you see fit. You can take the story in any direction you like, and seeing as how Super Porcupine Omelet really set the bar for sheer audacity, nothing is too silly or dumb. I'll start...
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We open to a darkened hallway that seems to go on forever. The walls are covered with hieroglyphics. The ceiling is covered in cobwebs. This appears to be the inside of an ancient Egyptian pryamid. A faint light flickers at the end of the hall. It grows brighter and brighter until a man, dressed like Indiana Jones, holding a flashlight in one hand and a very old book in the other, runs down the corridor. This is Omar (played by Christen Glover). Judging by his panicked expression, there is something chasing him.

Cut to a jeep parked next to, sure enough, an ancient Egyptian pryamid. Omar runs out of an opening at the base of the pryamid towards the car, not even looking back or stopping to catch his breath. He throws the book into the back seat of the vehicle as a growling, hulking something, too obscured in shadows for us to see it clearly, begins shambling out of the opening after Omar!

He draws his revolver and stops just before getting in the car just long enough to fire at the figure twice with the gun. This keeps the thing at bay long enough for Omar to drive away at breakneck pace.

Cut to a padded room. There, huddled in the corner, in a straitjacket and Hannibal Lector mask, is...

[Doc Daneeka]

Harmon Fockbar, played by who else, Anthony Hopkins. He is looked in upon by his doctor and nurse

Harmon: Ahh, my charming doctor and kind nurse. How good it is to see you two

Doctor: Yes indeed, well Mr. Fookbar, we have monitored your progress and you have been making it in leaps and bounds

Harmon: Indeed, I hope to be out in about a week to visit my family

Doctor: well, you see the thing is you were admitted only a month ago for your crimes, and getting out would mean years of therapy, you see-

Harmon: Well, as good as that would do me, I have business to attend to, and I must attend to it now

Another doctor and nurse (Jack Elam and Irene Roseen) come up behind the first two, and prick their butts with two needles, effectively putting them out. They then proceed to let Fockbar out and commence to run out of the hospital, very conspicuously bumping into just about everyone

Mad Doctor: Mister Fockbar sir, did you remember your... *gulp* ...friend?

Fockbar squeezes just out of his straightjacket a dummy in the likeness of himself

Dummy Fockbar (weird voice): I never leave anywhere without it!

Mad Doctor (turns away): Oh... *Gulp* ...just wondering

As "Like a Virgin" plays, Fockbar leaves with an entourage of cohorts, including the creepy doctor, the sexy chick, another sexy chick (Keira Knightly), a very distinguished looking young bad-guy type (Matthew Macfadyen), a hunchback (Kenneth Mars), a prissy looking guy (Tom Hollander), a militaryman (Patrick Macnee), a strong man (James Whitworth), and a few others. They all jump into a seemingly-plain van and drive off. Fockbar and strongman are in the driver's seat, while the others crowd into the back

Harmon: Good, now that I"m out, we can execute our great plans

Distinguished: Good, now that I have the old man, we can execute my great plan...

(*Actors are off the top of my head and names aside from Fockbar are just for the purpose of identification so far. Both are subject to change)

DEVELOPMENTS:
*Harmon Fockbar wishes to do SOMEthing, but what?
*Harmon Fockbar has a reasonably large crew, some of which (obviously the young distinguished man) want to overthrow him
*Harmon Fockbar also has an odd fancy for creepy ventriloquism

[Capt_Scrummy]

As the van speeds away from the Cairo hospital, the jeep driven by Omar careens through a red light, catching the van in its passenger side.  The van spirals out of control into a nearby Subway, where it explodes in an unholy fireball of salami.

Omar regains control of his injured jeep and tears through the narrow streets with the growling, hulking something close on his tail.  He mutters an indistinguishable curse from the corner of his mouth as he looks into the side-mirror and sees the "OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR" sticker.

[CoreyHeldpen]

Fockbar staggers out of the wreckage of his van, covered in bruises and scratches.

Fockbar: F**k!

Omar blindly fires at the thing chasing him with his revolver, not even looking back to aim (he's basically pulling the trigger and hoping for the best) as his jeep speeds through the empty streets.

Omar: F**kity f**kity f**k!

Soon, the thing chasing him is a safe distance behind. It stops to rest by a streetlight. We are now able to clearly see what it is: a grotesque half-human/half-crocodile monstrosity! Two more "Crocodile Men", as we'll call them, run down the street after Omar, galloping along like freakish gorillas, and soon the one resting by the streetlight joins them.

Developments:
*Fockbar's crew is anti-climatically killed, yet he somehow survives.
*Omar is being pursued by freaky crocodile mutants.

[CoreyHeldpen]

*sorry, gotta bump

Omar stops his jeep next to a run-down shack just outside of Cairo, and enters. The shack has only three rooms: A kitchen, a bathroom, and a living room. All of these rooms have only the bare necessities. Omar's bedroom is in the bathroom, the largest room there. He puts the ancient book from the pyramid on the building's only table, in the kitchen. He locks the doors, closes the windows, and draws the blinds.

Omar: What could those things want with this book?

He opens the book, and the room fills with smoke! A moment later, the smoke clears, and Omar nearly craps his pants at what he sees. There, standing right in front of him, is a particularly large and gross-looking Crocodile Man! It has what appears to be a mane or beard of wet, slimy papyrus and small chunks of various metals sticking out of its back. Omar's eyes bug out with fear and surprise!

Crocodile Man: Oh please, get your eyes back into their sockets, human. I am Sobek, the Egyptian God of Evil, or at least I would be, if that cheating knave Set hadn't stole my position with petty trickery. So I guess I'm just a random God of Nothingness. As thanks for freeing me, I will spare your life.

Omar: ...?!?

Sobek tears down a wall and wanders off into the desert, towards Cairo. Meanwhile, Fockbar is...

[clockworkcanary]

...Fockbar is roaming the desert heat, getting himself away from the wreckage.  He staggers into the massive sand dunes in a grand stupor. 

Days pass.  Eventually, he starts to go mad from the lack of food and water.  His only entertainment is conversations with his "other" personality, one that throws his voice just on the other side of that next dune.  Fockbar's mind becomes a blur...he can't concentrate on anything but food.

Suddenly, a small passenger plane flies overhead, dropping a large crate into the sand.  Fockbar starts to book it torwards the plane but it flies away.  As he reaches the top of the next dune, he sees the crate has landed at a small, well-concealed excavation site, which seems to be inactive at the moment. 

Fockbar scrounges the camp and finds a canteen and some dried beef.  It's obvious the "campers" have been here recently...and are likely coming back soon.  He searches the camp and finds the following: a can of gas, a generator, a flashlight, a shovel, a back pack of food, but most surprisingly, he finds...

[CoreyHeldpen]

Another ancient Egyptian book, just like the one Sobek was released from! After gorging himself on the beef, Fockbar opens it. Just like before, smoke emanates from the open pages, and after it clears, Fockbar is clearly surprised at what he sees. Before him is another Egyptian God, imprisoned for centuries. This one looks like one of the Lycans from Underworld.

Fockbar: What in the...?!?

God: Still in Egypt? I expected to wake up somewhere colder. I was asleep so long it wouldn't have been unlikely I'd eventually awaken in a foreign land. I am Anubis.

Fockbar: Anubis? The Egyptian God of the dead and judgment?! What... I... You... This isn't possible!

Anubis: I seem to have awoke to a world with a closed mind... (looks around) ...And quite a lot of privacy issues, it would appear.

Anubis sniffs the air.

Anubis: I see someone has freed Sobek and his guard.

Fockbar: Sobek? Could you perhaps explain what's going on here?

Anubis: You see, human, many years ago, Sobek and I got a bit out of line. He kept eating his followers, and I let to many sinners into the afterlife. The other Gods had us imprisoned in two books hidden deep in the tombs of the pharaohs, hidden deeper and better than any other treasure. Should we be released, a Goddess, Bast, will eventually get the work ethic to come to your mortal realm, get us back in line, and imprison us again. Of course, she need only imprison Sobek, really, he's the only one who will actually do any harm to any one. All I plan on doing is just blindly wander around the desert.

Meanwhile, back in Cairo, Sobek and his posse of Crocodile Men are...

[CoreyHeldpen]

*It looks like I'm the only one wanting to right this. Maybe we should rename the thread "Corey's Bad Movie" and just let me write it myself.*

Sobek and his posse are raiding a market place, devouring all the meat products with grim and disgusting enthusiasm. After swallowing a beef shank, something grabs Sobek's attention. He snorts at what he sees. The Crocodile Men turn their attention to what is irritating their master. What Sobek is focusing on is a small grey cat sitting in the middle of the street, watching them intently. Sobek approaches it.

Sobek: I wondered when you'd finally show up. As you can see, I've been rather busy in that  book. I've spent the past 4000 years building an army.

Cat: ...And this army consists of only three?

Sobek: ...Silence, Bast...

Bast: Anubis has been released as well, but he isn't going around raising holy hell.

Sobek, Oh please, I'm not as bad as Set was.

Meanwhile, Omar is...

[Doc Daneeka]

*Sorry, I just can't get into this one! Look at how stilted this next chapter looks*

Omar is covered in green blood, in a small tent in the desert, in the tent is an old man, played by Charles Lane behind a table

Omar: Ohh man...

Oldster: Ahh, Omar, did you find what you were looking for?

Omar: I found a BUNCH of alligator men! Looked like Sobek...

Oldster: So you had a bad day?

Omar: What do you think?

Oldster: Keep following your dreams Omar, you will catch the moon

Omar: What are you even talking about? That doesn't even make sense in this particular situation! I was almost killed by Sobek minions!

Oldster: So why are you scared? You are an adventurer, do you want to be better than that Gregorowicz kid?

Omar: Eeeh, Maine Gregorowicz?

Oldster: Yeh'm that's the one

Omar: I hate him. I want to KILL him, Verne!

Verne: Omar, if you want to do better then you have to prove yourself better, not just kill him

Omar: I'll do both!

Verne: What about the alligator men? Do you even know what you're trying to find?

Omar: I'm just going where the wind blows

Verne: That's a lame excuse for not planning

Omar: I don't know where to go!

Verne: Get to the heart of the matter, find someone who knooowwws

Omar leaves the tent in to the desert outside

IN FOCKBAR'S MANSION, THE DISTINGUISHED MAN, COVERED IN MINOR BRUISES AND SCRAPES SPEAKS TO AN UNSCATHED HARMON FOCKBAR

Distinguished: Hullo Doctor Fockbar

Fockbar: Hello Fitzwilliam, glad to see you talking to me again

Fitzwilliam: MmHmm, I see that you're recovering well

Fockbar: yeeeeessss *HACK COUGH WHEEZE!*

Fockbar feebly picks up his dummy

Dummy: Uhh, Harmon's not available to talk right now, would you like to leave a message?

Fitzwilliam: Well, since you were still feeling under the weather, I feel it's an optimal time to speak about your discoveries, what about the map?

Dummy: Well you see, that's a highly guarded secret, I can't let you have it without some very special permission

Fitzwilliam: I don't want to talk to you, I want to talk to Fockbar

Fockbar: My... studies can be found in this... folder

Fockbar pulls a heavy folder out from a cabinet and weakly flops it on his desk

Fitwilliam: Ahhhhh, resplendant! Now, have you anything else to tell me?

Fockbar: No... I don't believe so

Fitzwilliam: Splendid, that will be all

Fitzwilliam pulls a luger and shoots Fockbar twice

Dummy: Son of a b***h!

Fitzwilliam then shoots dummy Fockbar, silencing him, and walks out with the folder into the lobby where the other henchmen wait, all with various injuries

Fitzwilliam: Terrible news, Dr. Fockbar has passed on, from his injuries

Heavy sighs from all party members, sexy chick 1, now dressed in a sexy red dress, speaks up

Sexy chick 1: I heard shots

Fitzwilliam: those were... files, Harmon dropped them when he fell on his desk

Sexy chick 1: I say...

Fitzwilliam: But we can have no more chatter here, Dr. Fockbar gave his studies to me just before he died

Military man (now in wheelchair): Ah, a truly tragic demise for a true friend, shall we proceed to commit his body to the Earth?

Fitzwilliam: No Fergusen, there is no reason to stall any longer, we move out now!

The strong man pushes his way to the front on the group to glare threatentingly at Fitzwilliam

Strong man: UH UH. We are gonna stay here and give mister Fockbar a decent burial!

Fitzwilliam: Oh, okay then fine if you insist YOU can bury Doctor Fockbar, we will warm up the jeep

The strong man walks into Fockbar's private study, the others walk outside. Before he exits, Fitzwilliam drops a grenade near a conveniately placed gas main. Once Fitzwilliam exits, the thing goes up in flames and collapses

Fitzwilliam: Well, stuff happens, just a memory now, let's go. We figure out the way on the way on the way there!

Fitzwilliam follows the confused-looking others in the jeep and drives off. But inside the crumbled mansion, the strong man still sits with the dead Fockbar

Strong man: It's alright Mr. Fockbar, I'll rescue you!

Fockbar's voice: Don't, you idiot!

Strong man: But Mr. Fockbar, The fancy guy shot you!

CUT BACK TO THE DESERT, WHERE ANOTHER HARMON FOCKBAR HANDLES A WALKIE TALKIE

Fockbar: No, I'm afraid Mr. fancy shot a courageous associate of mine. However, it would be peachy if you would continue to follow them, and that small part of the map. I need to know who I can still trust

Strong man: But will you come back soon?

Fockbar: Yes Brundo, I will join you as soon as possible, but for now I have a few other things to attend to

Brundo: We're gonna do good this time, won't we!

Fockbar: Indeed, provided Maine Gregorowicz does not intrude!

Brundo: What about Omar? I saw him when I was driving away!

Dummy: Don't worry about Omar, he can't do s**t, but if you see Maine, well, that could be trouble

CUT TO OUR THIRD PARTY, A STRAPPING YOUNG MAINE GREGOROWICZ IN A RESEARCH BUILDING IN BRITAIN

Maine: Sobek, Anubis, Bast. Sounds interesting, I think it's high time I come back to Egypt!

Maine is approached by Pops, (George Lazenby) an elderly, kind looking man

Pops: Maine my boy! Another adventure?

Maine: Pops, you've known me for years now and you know I don't like to be called "Maine Gregorowicz" anymore. My family comes from Poland and I am an official resident of Europe and as such I want a proper English name! And yes, I am going on "another adventure" and I hope that you will accompany me!

Pops: When have I ever turned you down? I also hope you'll be taking that nice young lady intern! She sounds a very promising young researcher!

Maine: Pops...

Pops: Maine, she's very nice, you'll like her, and you have to get over your looks mean everything phase!

Maine: But Wenda-

Enter Wenda, played probably by some extra (since it's damn near impossible to find an actress short of drop-dead gorgeous on the imdb) she isn't the prettiest, pale, glasses clad, with hair graying at age 25, but she seems plenty warm

Wenda: Did I hear my name being mentioned? Tee-hee!

Pops: Yes, how would you like to come on a journey with us?

Wenda: I'd love it! I must warn you, I don't tan well!

Wenda leaves, leaving Pops and Greg to themselves. The latter is visibly annoyed, but continues on calmly to the smug Pops

Maine: Of course, we'll need more information if we want to start a well-founded study! I have a friend at the museum!

Pops: Greg, how many times have I said that sometimes it's better just to go where the wind blows?

Maine Greg leaves for the museum

DEVELOPMENTS:
*Um, still no idea on exactly WHEN this story takes place
*The distinguished man, Fitzwilliam, takes what he thinks are all of Harmon Fockbar's notes and leaves his mansion burning with the rest of Fockbar's henchman to find whatever is contained inside "the folder"
*Fitzwilliam believes himself to be rid of Fockbar and his troublesome "friend" who are really still in the desert
*It seems Fergusen, Brundo, and at least one of the two sexy chicks are loyal to Fockbar. Brundo is told over a walkie-talkie to keep an eye on the others
*Omar has a more famous, more attractive, rival in the form of one Maine Gregorowics, who hates his name
*Both Omar and Gregorowicz have their mentors, Verne and Pops respectively
*Maine is indeed also on the trail of the resurrected gods, (Fockbar won't like this) and plans to find more infromation at the local museum. He is joined by Pops and Wenda the new not-so-attractive intern

[CoreyHeldpen]

"*Sorry, I just can't get into this one!"

No problem, its not like we have to add to the story in a set period of time or the Earth will explode.

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Omar is back in his razed shack washing the green blood off of himself.

Omar: (Grumbling) Maybe I should somehow lure Maine here... I'm sure Sobek and his gang would gladly kill him for me...

Suddenly, a massive explosion booms in the distance!

Omar: What the hell?!

Back in Cairo, Bast (now a giant sabretooth tiger) and Sobek (somehow now 15 feet tall) are having a giant monster fight! The two exchange thunderous blows until Sobek stops and laughs.

Sobek: I never would have guessed a Goddess of something as non-violent as fertility could put up such a fight! I'm impressed!

With that, Sobek shoots a jet of black fire out of his mouth at his opponent (who easily dodges)! This proves to be a bad move, as the resultant violent explosion kills the Crocodile Men!

Sobek: Bah, they never even came close to achieving the objectives I set for them. Besides, now that I am free, I can summon an army at will!

Meanwhile, Anubis is...

[clockworkcanary]

...recruiting elite troops from around the world.  His will is to establish a new team -this team will have incredible skill and a diverse application.

He locates a sabatuer(sp?) from Spain, a Master of Disguise from Malaysia, a neo hippy from Japan, a scuba-diver from Bolivia, a nerdy 14yr old Dungeon Master from Cleveland OH, a power-glider from Gary, Indiana, a unicyclist from Waco TX, a midget wrestler from Siberia, and a freaky fairy chick from Iceland.  Granted, only half of these recruits showed up for Anubis's big meeting.

Later, at the Big Meeting(TM)...