Just found this site and I love it!!!

[indianasmith]

B Movies have been a guilty pleasure of mine since I was a teenager.    I try to stay away from the really raunchy ones now, but there is nothing like a badly-written, low-budget horror film with an untalented cast to make me break out into torrents of laughter!!!

I have surfed thru some of this forum (not all, that would take a week or more!) over the last couple of days, and I have noticed two of my all-time favorite "Golden Turkey" choices that no one has mentioned, so I thought I would throw them out for consideration by the learned members of this august panel.

First of all, perhaps the dumbest, funniest, and all around most awful martial arts/fantasy/sci-fi film EVER made, "The Lost Empire."  I'm not sure what year it was made, I first saw it along about 1985 or so and had a copy on VHS for years, until my VCR ate it.  This movie had it all:
- a large female cast whose IQ was smaller than their bra size
- a mysterious medallion with supernatural powers
- a prison riot and fight at an all-women's penitentary
- the cheesiest dialect of all time  ("I'll murderize ya!" shrieked the severed head of one villain)
- a fat bald guy with disappearing and re-appearing bushy eyebrows
- and the best line ever, from a ditzy blonde who has just smashed a tarantula that crawled into her bead, revealing that its insides were made of wire and gizmos: "I hate Robot Spiders!!"

Trust me, if you haven't seen this one, you need to!

Then there is an incredible gem that is simply the worst movie I have ever seen,
"Ninja Bachelor Party".  Although this film never actually features a bachelor party, its incredibly dumb plot (Charlie, a recovering teenage Robutussin addict,  loses his girlfriend to the leader of a local bicycle gang, and goes to Korea to learn to become a Ninja and defeat the evil bicycle gang leader, who also happens to teach the local karate school) is enhanced by the fact that the whole thing is shot with a camcorder by two high school kids, and that they actually dubbed in their own voices for all the characters!  That, and the Korean Ninja Master is an American teenager in a coolie hat with a white cardboard moustache about a foot wide glued to his upper lip.  I LOVE this movie! How it made it into the video stores I will never know.

As far as movies that were just honestly painful for me to sit through, my most recent traumatic experience with a mainstream movie would have to be the fashion industry expose, "Ready to Wear", from sometime in the 1990's.  It's painfully bad despite an all-star cast.  And as for Brain Damage Film's "Pony Trouble" (I think that's the title - it might be "A Pony Problem" - it is simply, unspeakably awful.  I needed therapy after that one.

Looking forward to a long, fun association with this fine forum.

[Scott]

Haven't seen THE LOST EMPIRE or NINJA BACHELOR PARTY, but I'm sure someone here has seen them. Welcome to the forum IndianaSmith. Have you seen them on DVD anywhere?

[indianasmith]

No, I only saw them on VHS.  The "Lost Empire" was on a set someone taped for me (along with Deathstalker I and II and Barbarian Queen - perhaps the finest taped collection of B movies in history, but alas, my VCR got hungry one day and *+=*&^%$#$%^&*&**&^$%$#!!! it was gone!).  Ninja Bachelor  Party showed up on VHS in my local Hastings store one day in the early 90's, but when the store reorganized, it disappeared and was never seen again.  I miss that movie!

[zombie no.one]

- and the best line ever, from a ditzy blonde who has just smashed a tarantula that crawled into her bead, revealing that its insides were made of wire and gizmos: "I hate Robot Spiders!!"

lmao... quality. never seen this film.

[Andrew]

After reading what I could find about "The Lost Empire" that one has me interested too.  I wonder if it has a limited release, because I believe that you must be in the UK?  Sometimes, films end up with almost a regional release in the US.  Those might be films that were largely available in the UK.

[indianasmith]

Actually, I am in Texas, but when I first saw that movie I was posted overseas at Yokosuka Naval Base, Japan.