Recent viewings

[ChaosTheory]

Tracy- I just couldn't buy KC as a firefighter.

I liked FIREPROOF overall, but Kirk was definitely the weak link.


THE WAY - when his son is killed travelling the El Camino pathway in the Pyrenese mountains, a doctor (Martin Sheen) decides to finish the pilgrimage himself, with the son's ashes in tow.  He grudgingly befriends a handful of other pilgrims as he struggles to deal with his grief.  Thematically it's not groundbreaking, but I still really enjoyed it; I want to visit Spain now more than ever.  Directed by Emilio Estevez (who also appears briefly) - so at least one of Martin's offspring isn't completely useless.  8/10

KILLER ELITE - an SAS agent (Jason Statham) is forced to come out of retirement when his friend and mentor (Robert DeNiro) is taken hostage in Oman; twists and conspiracies ensue.  A tad overlong, but enjoyable if you like watching Statham throw down - which I do. 7/10

APOLLO 18 - "Found Footage" horror documenting the supposed lost Apollo mission.  In a weird way this movie wasn't bad enough.  After the vicious reviews it got, I was expecting some Long-Haired Nic Cage level of trainwreck.  Instead I got a fairly average, decent space-thriller - undermined by the most ill-advised monsters this side of Ed Wood.  It had its moments though, and I wasn't actively rooting to see the characters die like I do with most FF horror.  5/10

[bob]

Uwe Boll's House of the Dead (2003).  

There are random insertations of footage of the video game on which this movie is based. The acting is awful. There is extensive slow-motion fighting which looks awful. House of the Dead raises questions which never get answered throughout.

I constantly found myself saying "Wait, what?" while watching this.

By any standards it's one of the worst movies ever made, and not in a good Troll 2 sort of way.

0/5  

[indianasmith]

I watched a cheap horror film called A DARKER REALITY this weekend.  I enjoy horror and don't mind the occasional foray into torture schlock - I actually liked the first two SAW movies - but  this was perhaps the most brutally misogynistic film I have ever seen.  The killer, played by Daniel Baldwin (I think - it's one of the Baldwins, anyway!), is known as "The Ghost" and he kidnaps and tortures women for fun.  Sometimes he keeps them in captivity for days, sometimes weeks, sometimes months.  He has an idiot brother who helps guard his helpless dungeon of victims, and a gorgeous FBI agent and a tough LA cop on his trail.  If you like lots of scantily clad, crying, screaming, helpless women being brutally victimized, you might want to get professional help - but in the meantime, this movie is for you.

Definitely not for me!

[Rev. Powell]

Uwe Boll's House of the Dead (2003).  

There are random insertations of footage of the video game on which this movie is based. The acting is awful. There is extensive slow-motion fighting which looks awful. House of the Dead raises questions which never get answered throughout.

I constantly found myself saying "Wait, what?" while watching this.

By any standards it's one of the worst movies ever made, and not in a good Troll 2 sort of way.

0/5  

I kind of liked it.  Some of the scenes, acting and dialogue were hilarious. How can you say the questions never get answered? "You did all of this to become immortal? Why?" "To live forever!" There's your answer! I know I'm in a minority on this one, but this is like Ed Wood with zombies, random video game footage and boobs! A cautious

[Jack]

I got a real kick out of House Of The Dead. You can make a drinking game out of all the 360 degree camera spins  

Alien Abduction (2005) - some friends are out camping and they get abducted by aliens. Afterwards the main girl wakes up in some government hospital where they reprogram abductees (there are hundreds of them) before they can re-enter society. This was abysmal on every level. It's like they made a 30 minute movie and then stuck an hour of absolutely nothing in the middle. I'll just list off my "Oh god this is beyond stupid" moments:  There's one girl in it who should be playing the part of the "annoying girl" in a Hannah Montana movie. The inside of the alien spaceship looks like they laid a black plastic tarp on the floor of a room. The main girl escapes from her hospital room and walks around wearing a surgical mask to conceal her identity, which no one finds the least bit odd even though they know a patient is on the loose. She meets a guy who recognizes her as a patient, but he just assumes she was released and got a job  a few days later working as a nurse for the hospital. Then she meets some nutty doctor and I thought I was watching a Troma movie. An alien is trying to kill him, but one second later he forgets about that and starts threatening the girl. Then the alien kills him. Yeah, nice attention span there buddy. The ending is swiped from an episode of The Outer Limits.  1.25/5.

Horror High (1974) - there's this high school nerd and everybody picks on him. He is very sad    But he's really into biology and chemistry, so he whips up a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde potion. He's apparently taking some of those really advanced high school science classes where they do genetic engineering. And of course he takes revenge on all who wronged him. Probably the worst thing about this (besides the fact that it's really boring) was the theme music - it opens with a sort of male version of a Joan Baez song; we started watching this movie a couple weeks ago but my wife turned it off after about 15 seconds because of that song    Then throughout the movie, whenever there's an "exciting" scene we get this funky stuff that sounds like it should be accompanying a chase scene in a '70s cop show, like Starsky and Hutch. It killed any chance of suspense, much less "horror" lol.  The movie plays out in a totally predictable manner. The main nerd guy was okay, and the mean teachers really revelled in their roles.  2.25/5.

[claws]

Sharktopus (2010) Blu-ray

Scientists create the ultimate killing machine for the military: remote controlled Sharktopus, half shark - half octopus. The abomination breaks free and starts a killing spree on the beaches of Mexico. It's up to a Scientists daughter and a retired soldier to track down and capture the beast. Not an easy task because greedy corporations and feisty female reporters interfere ever so often.

CGI schlock produced by The Asylum and presented by Roger Corman. Not exactly a winning combination, but a step above turds like Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009). The action can get bloody at times, the CGI dips in and out of awful and acceptable, lots of candid Mexican beach footage, resort exploitation, thick accents, bad acting and countless bikini babes. Special mention goes to Kerem Bursin as the retired soldier, who takes off and puts on his shirt during a 10-minute boat ride about 100 times. 3/5 Cheese

[FatFreddysCat]

"A View To A Kill" (1985)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qBORhEUKeM

In Roger Moore's final turn as James Bond 007, he travels from France to San Francisco to investigate crazed industrialist Max Zorin (Christopher Walken, in a typically great batsh*t crazy performance) who plans to destroy Silicon Valley in California so that his company can monopolize the world's microchip market. Bond's sidekick this time is Stacey Sutton, a geologist played by former "Charlie's Angel" Tanya Roberts (who was baked to absolute hottie perfection by this time).

I dig this film a lot, it's not quite as goofy as the preceding "Octopu$$y," there are some cool action sequences and impressive set pieces. The only problem is that by 1985, Roger Moore was pushing 60 years of age and therefore was clearly too old for the Bond role. As a result, several "stunts" featuring Moore are painfully obvious green-screen trickery (wouldn't want him to break a hip after all!) and his love scenes with various young hotties end up coming off kinda creepy.

Aside from those minor complaints, good show, one of my favorite Moore 007's.

...and dammit, I almost hate to admit it but I love the theme song to this one, by Duran Duran:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fp4CR2HcHLQ

[FatFreddysCat]

"Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil" (2011)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFFh25DmPNU

Two West Virginian good ole boys just want to spend a relaxing weekend fishin' and drinkin' beer at their secluded mountain cabin, but things get complicated when they have an unfortunate run-in with a gang of preppie college kids who've seen too many horror movies. Mayhem (and hilarity) ensues. Very funny "style parody" that flips all the cliches and conventions of the "inbred/redneck horror" genre on their heads.

I had an extremely sh*tty day yesterday, so I needed to watch something funny, violent and bloody. "Tucker & Dale" fulfilled all three requirements. It's a hoot! Check it out.

[Jack]

Legend of the Bog (2009) - a housing developer is working on some land in an Irish bog. They dig up one of those mummified bodies that they have over there, but in order to keep any nosey anthropologists from delaying their project, they toss the thing in the nearest pond. Which for some reason they never explain, causes it to come back to life. They could have at least put some scary makeup on this guy, but no;  he's just a big and slightly menacing looking bald guy. Then there's some people stuck at a cabin in the nearby woods. They're all unlikable and go on what is basically a totally unrelated subplot having to do with paying for their previous misdoings. It can't decide if it wants to be funny or serious, and doesn't succeed at either. Overall an uninteresting mess really.  2.25/5.

[lester1/2jr]

Funland (1986)- tax shelter masquerading as a "black comedy". What's worse is that it's almost funny in places so it strings you along. didn't make it till the end though I did try.

1.5/5

[bob]

Saw 3d or Saw: The Final Chapter (2010) it's known as both   

0/5 for giving away the ending of the movie literally during the opening credits

[bob]

Star Wars: Episode 2 - Attack of the Clones (2002)

I've been meaning to give this another shot lately

it's not quite as boring or as bad as I remember..........but it's still ass in a can

1.5/5

[Jack]

Killer Instinct (2001) - some young people decide to spend the night in an abandoned insane asylum.  Meanwhile Corbin Bernsen is the town's bigwig (who got that way through nefarious means) and Dee Wallace investigates the town's history and uncovers his secret - which ends up explaining the backstory of the killer that's offing our cast of kids.  The kids weren't likable or developed and half the time I didn't know what the heck was going on - just a bunch of running around and screaming.  The subplot with Bernsen and Wallace actually made a very nice break from it, and was interesting in its own right.  My favorite scene was when one of the kids was climbing through the ventilation ducts, but the killer had set up a trap which decapitates him.  Of course his head goes banging down the ducts and ends up falling out right in the middle of the room where all the other kids are gathered around.  Oh jeez, what are the chances, huh?     3/5.

Leprechaun 2 (1994) - our nasty little Irishman has decided he'd like to take a wife, so he picks out a hot chick and takes her back to his lair - much to the chagrin of her boyfriend.  So it's Leprechaun vs. boyfriend and boyfriend's drunken uncle (played with panache by Sandy Baron).  Good characters, the plot moved along well, and it had all the typical Leprechaun humor we've come to expect.  4/5.

[FatFreddysCat]

"Licence to Kill" (1989)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qAFVTpWz90

In Timothy Dalton's second (and ultimately final) turn as 007, James Bond goes rogue when his old CIA pal Felix Leiter and his new wife are victimized by a vicious Mexican drug lord. Lotsa stunts, fights and stuff blowin' up follows, as usual.

Decent enough flick and Dalton plays 007 as a cold, utter bad-ass looking for revenge, but overall it didn't feel very "Bond-ish" if you know what I mean. This could've been a generic action movie starring just about anybody.

Robert Davi is great as the scumbag drug lord and the brief cameo by Wayne Newton (!) is seemingly squeezed in there just to make the audience ask "wait a minute, what the hell is Wayne Newton doing in this movie?"

I liked this one a lot when it first came out but it hasn't aged very well.

[lester1/2jr]

The late shift (1996) - This was similar to the HBO movie "Barbarians at the Gates", all about the innerworkings and drama of a big business deal but this was probably alot more popular because it dealt with the entertainment industry in particular the two late night talk show kingpins David letterman and Jay leno. Both the actors who portray the men are pretty good but the most memorable character has to be kathy bates as helen Kushnik, leno's ridiculously pushy, but effective, manager. She won a Golden Globe for this portrayal.

One fascinating thing to me about Hollywood is how people never seem to just stop and say "Hey, I have several million dollars". Everyone is worried about being treated right and so forth. Farrah Fawcett leaving Charlies Angels. Suzanne Summers leaving Three's Company.  I'll never understand it.

A little dry and business-y no sex scenes or car chases but very good nonetheless 4.5/5