Recent viewings

[FatFreddysCat]

"Crank" (2006)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rvYrVTnSWw

Balls-to-the-wall action flick starring Jason Statham as a double-crossed hit man who's been injected with a slow acting poison. The only way to counteract its effect is to keep his adrenaline pumping at all costs, so he embarks on a rampage across L.A., going to absurd lengths to keep his heart rate up and his adrenaline flowin' while he seeks to settle the score with the gangstas who wronged him.

What this flick lacks in logic, it more than makes up for in crazed, hyperactive action sequences and a sick sense of humor. Fast, furious and funny as hell.

[Rev. Powell]

SHEITAN (2006): What I wrote when I first saw this was: Obnoxious amoral twentysomethings party at a creepy French provincial estate where the caretaker has a permanent unsettling grin, and nothing is as it seems.  Ambitious attempt at a ROSEMARY'S BABY type atmosphere, but the young protagonists are intolerable and live to annoy the audience for far too long, and the multiple false endings were a bad idea. I originally gave it 2.5 stars. On second watch, however, I think it's worse than that. Vincent Cassel (and yummy Roxane Mesquida) are the only good things about the movie. The protagonists are really loathsome. Downgraded to 2/5.

[JaseSF]

Rush Hour (1998): Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker pair up as an unlikely duo of rogue cops who are trying to find and rescue the kidnapped daughter of the Chinese consulate, despite the FBI trying to get both of them off the case and out of their hair.

This action comedy was surprisingly fun and quite entertaining. However, it really offers very little we haven't seen before in other action films of this type. Chan and Tucker do make a better pair of leads together though than I initially expected and that's largely what makes this one work. I do feel Chan did much superior work to this earlier in the 90s though. Still this makes for a good transition into Hollywood style action films for him here. ***1/2 out of ***** stars.

[FatFreddysCat]

"Catwoman" (2004)
http://www.youtube.com/v/ePgLOVNMSTo

This notorious box office bomb made the strange choice of taking a well-loved comic book character with more than 50+ years of back story ...and throwing it all completely out the window in favor of a totally "new," totally WTF origin story. Halle Berry is a schlumpy cosmetics-company employee who gets killed after finding out a dangerous secret about her bosses' latest product. Fortunately, she doesn't stay dead for long. After becoming the reincarnation of some sorta Egyptian Cat God (don't ask), she transforms into a ghetto-fabulous, bull whip totin, ass kickin', tuna fish eatin' superheroine, and sets off to stop the cougar-iffic villainess Sharon Stone from poisoning the women of the world with a toxic blend of face cream. Yeah, I know.... say what? It's so off the wall that "Catwoman" actually becomes kinda riveting in a totally what-the-f*ck, I-can't-look-away-from-the-horrible-car-crash sort of way.

The ludicrous story, cardboard characters, cheap CGI-assisted stunts, and massive amounts of scenery chewing by both Berry and Stone quickly turn "Catwoman" into an unintentional comedy of the highest order. Bad-movie masochists, check this one out and prepare for a total hoot.

[Jack]

5ive Girls (2006) - some delinquent girls (5ive of them) get sent to a religious reform school where another girl died years earlier. Turns out her ghost is still haunting the place, and plans have been made to bring her back to life. This isn't good news for our 5ive girls. They also have to deal with a seriously strict (and seriously hot) headmistress at the school, but they've got Ron Perlman as a kindly priest to look after them. A little bit at least. I hadn't watched this in a long time and forgot how fun it was. The characters are great and the plot is actually interesting, as we learn more about it over the course of the movie. It does drag a bit at the end but that's about my only complaint. 4/5ive.

[Rev. Powell]

RETURN OF THE KUNG FU DRAGON (1976): The impossible-to-follow plot of this Taiwanese movie concerns dueling wizards and a princess returning to reclaim the throne of her island kingdom from an evil emperor. Non stop kung fu battles, dozens of strange characters, and bizarre camerawork make this a disorienting experience that should appeal to gonzo martial arts fans. I liked the fact that the evil wizard's beard was so long he had a female attendant stand next to him and hold it for him at all times. No idea how to rate this; if you aren't into 70s kung fu and want a plot that makes sense, maybe as low as a 2/5; if you're into this stuff as high as 4/5.

[Jack]

Hellraiser: Deader (2005) - a reporter (Kari Wuhrer) goes to Romania to do a story on some guy who can apparently bring the dead back to life. She has to infiltrate the whole goth / druggie / skid row scene where this guy hangs out. It's not long before Pinhead makes a brief appearance and after that, she starts seeing things that aren't really there. This screenplay was originally for a completely different non-Hellraiser movie and then they just stuck Pinhead in a couple of scenes and put Hellraiser on the box. And it really shows. The plot about the guy who brings the dead back to life doesn't really go anywhere, probably because they replaced whatever conclusion it might have had with a scene of Pinhead showing up, which all feels very tacked on an unnecessary. Kari does her usual great job with her character and the thing is fairly atmospheric. It had one really creepy scene with a dead girl in an apartment, but that was about it. 3/5.

[claws]

Spiders (2013)

Giant DNA Spiders from outer space invade New York causing trouble. Spiders (2000) did the same but only better, and Infestation (2009) already set the standard on fun low budget CGI mayhem.
What's left is decent action and better production values but the rest hardly delivers. All actors are rather bland and uninteresting, and the plot has been done a million times. 2.5/5

Amphibious (2010)

Some University babe doing research in Indonesia comes across a fishing platform slaving children to do hard work. Before she can interfere a giant Scorpion (!) pops up piercing humans with its tail like Shish Kabob.
Exotic DeepStar Six-ish creature feature from Brian Yuzna. Not sucky bad but unusual because of location and (local) casting. Nice practical effects but bad CGI. It was also nice to see Michael Paré again playing a skipper. I wish I had his genes because he didn't age much it seems. 3.5/5

[God the Worms]

Breeders (NSFW)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbTpgdatS1c
Mutant Hunt
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dASmpkit60

The actors in both of these movies seem to have absolutely no clue what they're doing, either that or their characters are complete BA's who stay calm under the most insane situations (aliens talking about taking over by raping all of their woman or their friends fighting nigh indestructible cyborgs). Which makes for some horrible yet entertaining viewing. Enjoy these gems on Netflix while they're up.

[Jack]

Microwave Massacre (1983) - the guy who did the voice of Frosty The Snowman stars as a construction worker who can't stand his wife. It's not long before she ends up in the microwave and through a little mix-up, Frosty ends up eating her. Turns out humans are really quite tasty. He's nice enough to share his newfound cuisine with the guys at work, which creates a bit of a demand for his cooking and of course he's got to track down some additional victims. Quite an amusing little movie, the characters were entertaining and the humor was actually sort of clever. Babes were delicious too - literally 3.5/5.

[FatFreddysCat]

"2001: A Space Odyssey" (1968)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ok32VyEQYYc

Stanley Kubrick's classic sci-fi headf*ck takes the viewer on a "trip" (in every sense of the word) all the way from the Dawn of Man to the next step of human evolution, guided by a mysterious alien black stone monolith. Or....something like that. Seriously, "2001" is still an impressive feast for the eyes (the visual effects still beat the pants off of a lotta movies being made today) but the "story" is a pretentious muddle. Just enjoy the visuals and don't bother trying to follow it.

[fulci420]

Caught up on two more 2012 releases today.

Promised Land-Gus Van Sant and Matt Damon reunite in this look at the controversy over "fracking" which is a technique used to extract natural gas from the earth. Frances Mcdormand and Damon who work for the gas companies, come into a small town hoping to sign the towns people up to use their land. They come into opposition from an aging teacher wary of the environmental consequences (Hal Holbrook) and later a full on anti fracking activist. As Damon spends more time in the town his once steadfast ideas about what his company does begins to slip.

I am kind of divided on this one as there are some really well done aspects too it. The performances are uniformly good and Van Sant directs beautifully. Unfortunately it's just too predictable and cheesy to really make that much of an impact. Damon's romance with a local teacher is the worst kind of cliche not only have we seen it done much better before but we can correctly guess every beat of their plot arc together. Fracking is an issue which I was largely unaware of and while I do believe info of it's benefits and consequences should be known I don't this movie was the best way to deliver that information. For fans of Damon you will get a nice performance here but overall this is a disappointing film.

The Paperboy-A muddled largely horrible movie about an attempt to release a clearly insane John Cusack from jail for some reason or another. Along the way Nicole Kidman p**ses on Zac Efron, Macy Grey mumbles over much of the film, and characters traipse through swamps. What is remarkable for a film with so much graphic sexual and violent content is how boring it is throughout. Also it's never funny which is a huge missed opportunity for a movie as ridiculous as this one. Mathew McConaughy continues his drift away from conventional roles here as he did in "Killer Joe" the major difference is that Killer Joe is actually funny and well written making the disturbing elements merge into the greater story. In the Paperboy the writing is simply just bad, and a sound mix that makes it a film in english that needs subtitles doesn't help anyone.

[JaseSF]

F/X (1986): Rollie Tyler (Bryan Brown), a talented special effects artist known for low-budget films is sought out to help fake the death of a mobster, one Nicholas DeFranco (Jerry Orbach), about to turn state evidence or so it seems. Eventually though he discovers he may have in fact been a patsy in someone else's assassination plot and finds himself on the run from the authorities, many of whom seem more than a little determined to do him in.

This movie starts out being a solid suspense thriller but fairly quickly turns a corner into action thriller towards it second half. It's surprisingly entertaining, sometimes funny, other time suspenseful and one finds oneself liking the leads (Bryan Brown and Brian Dennehy as rogue detective Leo McCarthy who's tired of dealing with B.S. each and everyday) here and rooting for them. It's not always believable but is nevertheless a fun action film and provides an enjoyable viewing experience especially if you like 80s style action. ***1/2 out of ***** stars.

Rush Hour 2 (2001): While on vacation in Hong Kong, Det. James Carter (Chris Tucker) finds himself getting entangled in helping out buddy and partner Chief Inspector Lee (Jackie Chan) as Lee tries to find out who's behind a bombing killing two Americans at the American Embassy. Eventually the pair stumble across a counterfeiting ring and a group of criminals, with connections to the Chinese Triad, pretty determined to do away with them or at least keep them out of their crosshairs.

Honestly, I enjoyed this movie more than the first one. The plot seems a tad less predictable and the action and comedy is ramped up a bit more. I found this one to be more exciting and funnier than the first film. Of course, some of it seriously stretches credibility but there's lots here to enjoy especially the stunt and fight work of Chan but also the comedy featuring Tucker and Chan seems to gel even better here than in the first film. Also adding to the fun are some memorable female characters who seriously kick butt in this film - one Ziyi Zhang as a ruthless Chinese assassin named Hu Li and Roselyn Sanchez who looks smoking as a possible double agent named Isabella Molina. Also this film travels from Hong Kong to L.A. to Las Vegas giving this a Bondesque-lite feel. **** out of ***** stars.

[Rev. Powell]

DOGVILLE (2003): The tiny township of Dogville (population 20) reluctantly takes in a woman fleeing from gangsters, but their generosity turns into abuse as they gradually maker her into their slave. It's de Sade's "Justine" played out on the set of "Our Town." Masterful but misanthropic. 4.5/5. 

[claws]

Had a bad sea monster triple feature with my sister today. This is what we watched:

1. Up from the Depths (1979)

A prehistoric predatory fish is causing blood soaked waves at a fancy resort in Hawaii. It's up to a sailor, a female representative of the resort and some science dude to stop deadly fin activity. Sloppy, unintentional funny horror-comedy produced by Cirio H. Santiago. The comedy is really awful. So awful it's hard to tell when they are acting funny on purpose. The rest rips off Jaws. 4/5

2. The Crater Lake Monster (1977)

A meteoroid wakes prehistoric nessi-dinosaur causing waters to turn red at crater lake. It's up to a sheriff, two backwoods friends and some science dude and gal to stop the beasts deadly hunger. Zero budget stop motion terror with some intended comedy. Enjoying this movie more now than I ever did thanks to the Blu-ray (great picture quality). 3.5/5

3. Spawn the the Slithis (1978)

DNA slime mixed with radioactivity mutates into some human fish creature causing folks in Venice, California to shriek with fear. It's up to a journalist, his girlfriend, a skipper and some science dude to stop rubber monster trouble. Bloody PG rated creature feature with intentional humor. There's some dull parts but the overacting detective makes up for it. 3.5/5