My 100 Karma point comedy celebration!

[frank]

One of my favorites, although not class room safe.

Two old friends meet at the railway station after not having seen a couple of years. They go having a beer and talk about the good old times. After a while one says:
"You know, recently I had a really embarassing slip of the togue. I was at the ticket counter at this railway station and wanted to buy a ticket to Pittsburgh. However, there was this young busty girl at the counter and she got me all confused so instead of asking for a ticket to Pittsburgh I ordered a picket to Tittsburgh..."
The other one replies:
"That's bad, but nothing compared to what happend to me. I was sitting with my wife at the breakfast table and I wanted to say: "Honey, would you please pass the butter", but said instad "You old b!tch f**ked up my whole life."

[raj]

More classics:

A grasshopper walks into a bar.  The bartender says "We've got a drink named after you."  The grasshopper replies "You've got a drink named Marvin?"
 

A priest, a rabbi and a duck walk into a bar.  The bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

[trekgeezer]

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in the strawberry patch.

Ever seen an elephant in the strawberry patch?

No

It works doesn't it.


Why do bull elephants paint their testicles red?

To hide in an apple tree.

How did Tarzan die?

Picking apples!

[Trevor]

Why do bull elephants paint their testicles red?
To hide in an apple tree.
How did Tarzan die?
Picking apples!

[clockworkcanary]

A priest, a Rabbi, and a biker walk into a bar...

Bartender, "is this some kinda joke?"

[Raffine]

elephants...

Why should you never go into the jungle between 4:00 and 5:00 in the afternoon?
Because that's when the elephants jump out of the trees.

Why are pygmies so short?
Because they went into the jungle... you get the idea!

[Zapranoth]

1.   Did you hear the one about the optometrist who fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

2.   A guy walks into his psychiatrist's office, shouting out, "I'm a teepee!  I'm a wigwam!  I'm a teepee!  I'm a wigwam!"

      His psychiatrist says, "relax, relax!  You're two tents!"

Nyuk nyuk nyuk. 

[flackbait]

When he first gets the drink the conosuire spits it out and roars, "this tastes like p**s!" the regular then responds"Yea, so tell me how old am I?"

Karma, flackbait, that really made me laugh. 

Thank you! altough I must admit I stole that one from a friend. Karma back atcha

[Patient7]

How do you get an elephant in the refrigerator?

Open the door.

How do you get a giraff in the refrigeator?

Take out the elephant.

The lion called all the animals in the jungle to a meeting, who wasn't there?

The giraff, he's still in the refrigerator.

You need to get across a river that's been said to be filled with alligators, there's no bridge, how do you cross without being eaten?

You swim, the alligators are all at the lion's meeting.

[JaseSF]

Why was the crossdresser delighted by the radio announcer's command?

He said "Give us your beef".

How is a woman like a box of chicken from KFC?

Fondling the thighs and breasts makes the box all greasy. 

[Allhallowsday]

What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant's fart? 
A saloon is a bar room, an elephant's fart is a BARROOM!!! 

[Raffine]

Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"


Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.


Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

[Killer Bees]

Stop me if you've heard this  one before.....


Two blondes were passing each other on the opposite sides of a road.  The first blonde yelled to the other:

"How to do I get to the other side?"

The second blonde said, "What do you mean? You're on the other side!"

[Allhallowsday]

Stop me if you've heard this  one before.....
Two blondes were passing each other on the opposite sides of a road.  The first blonde yelled to the other:
"How to do I get to the other side?"
The second blonde said, "What do you mean? You're on the other side!"

KillerBees, that is one of my favorite jokes, and it's a river they're walking along, and it can be bee-you-tee-fully milked...!!  Which is what I would have done with it.  You were brief 'cause y're a g'girl.  Thanks for the chuckle. 

Reminds me of the blonde whose mother told her not to let her boyfriend get on top of her or she'd get pregnant.  That night, when the blonde refused to let her boyfriend get on top of her, her boyfriend suggested she get on top of him.  The next day, the blonde saw her boyfriend, elbowed her girlfriend knowingly, and whispered: "There goes my boyfriend... He's pregnant...!" 

[CheezeFlixz]

Well I'm late to your 100 Karma party and I see you are currently at 109 ... sorry been busy.

So what a joke?

Well most of my jokes are gross, rude, man jokes and we have women and kids here ...

So ... hmm ...

Yo Mama's so dumb that she tripped over a cordless phone.

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A string walk into a bar, and the bartender says "hey we don't serve strings here" The string goes back out side, twists himself up, messed up his hair and walks back into the bar. The bartender says" hey aren't you that string I just chased out of here?" The string looks at the bartender and says
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wait for it
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No, I'm a frayed knot.