Midlife crisis?

[Sister Grace]

Ok, so things were going great for awhile and then BAM! I just woke up one morning about two weeks ago and I felt a sudden shift in my life. Anyways, I dumped my boyfriend, started considering moving half way across the country, and flirting with the idea of changing my major (this would be academic suicide this late in the game).  Atleast I haven't started living a double life yet...Things are better now, but I still feel kinda in a funk and a bad case of happy feet. Maybe it's time for that midlife crisis? Menopause? Na, I'm still only 29. Anyways, has anyone else just suddenly realized just how unhappy they were?

[indianasmith]

I have my down days - who doesn't?  I'm 44, overweight (just a tad), and starting to feel my years a bit.

But I have two great kids, a wife I still can't keep my hands off of after 24 years of marriage, a job I look forward to doing, and summers off.  I live on a beautiful ranch in the country and have a nice little herd of goats that I love to watch.  I can drive a half hour from my house and find dinosaur bones or arrowheads if the mood strikes me, and we don't really have major debt.

It's like the old hymn says -

"Count your many blessings, name them one by one
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done!"

Not meaning to be smarmy or belittle your problems.  But there is just so much good stuff in this life if we just choose to embrace it.

[Menard]

Na, I'm still only 29.

29....and a midlife crisis?

Make me feel like a senior why don't you.

[CheezeFlixz]

I have my down days - who doesn't?  I'm 44, overweight (just a tad), and starting to feel my years a bit.

I have my down days - who doesn't?  I'm 44, sexy as all get out, and never feel my years a one bit.

Actually, a few ago I had lived the jet set life, traveling the world, fancy car, fine dining, thick wallet and I just got tired of it, I got sick and tired of it. I was gone internationally about 45 weeks a year, I flew first class everywhere, I'd go to the airport and have a driver there waiting on me ... oh sounds so chic, so cool, so great, it sucked!
Then one day in land far away, a decision was made to move the company (Mitsubshi Machine Tools) back to Japan and offer transfers anyplace in the world to us engineers, as long as we could get to a international airport within an hour.
I said "Screw it, I'm tired of traveling, I'm tired of being gone, I'm tired of seeing my kid grow up on video, I'm just tired." So I left.

What would I do, I'd have to move regardless to get a job in my field, but my family was happy in KY, not the town we were in at the time, but the area. They weren't keen on going back to Chicago or LA, moving overseas was a no go to them ... so I chucked it all and started working on houses out of the back of a truck, I started out doing that so it seems natural. Houses are everywhere, they all break, they all need work. I now have more work than I can say grace over.

Was that my midlife crisis? I doubt it, I don't think I've had one because I don't think I've hit midlife. I've never had the want to go out and buy a sports car, I've had them, I haven't had the urge to go out and get a tattoo, I have them too.

I think sometimes we just need a change, need something new, something different ... I needed one and I took it and I don't regret doing it either. Was it stressful, sure it was and that's coming from a guy that doesn't stress about anything.

Perhaps you just needed a change ... perhaps you felt you were in a rut.  I know I felt I was in a rut even though I had tons of opportunity, excellent advancements, and bennies and perks out the wazoo. Even with all of that it felt dead end, it felt old and boring ... the luster was gone and had been for a long time.

[ghouck]

I've been in a weird funk for a while now also. My kid is 16 now, and he works weekends so there's not that time for us to do anything together. The wife and I both have Saturday off together, but we don't do ANYTHING together, actually this week she's moving out, so that will be a change. Not old enough or have enough time with the company to retire, but been there long enough going somewhere else could be quite the waste. I just don't seem to have the energy to do the things that sound fun, not sure what to do. Once the wife goes I'm sure it'll get better though, won't waste all my time arguing about the same crap over and over.

[Ash]

I don't think I'm going through a midlife crisis but I've definitely had some bad things happen to me recently.

In a span of less than 4 months I've been laid off from my job, flooded out of my home,  (I still can't go back) been diagnosed with high blood pressure and had my car break down on me.
I forgot to tell you guys about my car.  The transmission went out on it and it's going to cost something like $500-$1000 to get it fixed. (which I can't afford) 
I've been carless for almost a month now.

So just like that...BAM!  I lost my livelihood, my home and my transportation.

I should be pretty p**sed off about all the recent things that have happened to me but strangely, I'm not.  A lesser man would jump off a tall building or put a noose around his neck or load a gun and put it to his head...but not me.

I could have sat and cried about it but I realized that would be completely futile.  Even if I decided to fret about it, I'd still have to deal with the situation afterwards.

So for transportation, I went out and bought a nice mountain bike and have been riding it around town.
It's great exercise and believe it or not, my mood has actually improved, my blood pressure is a lot lower now and my health is on the up and up. 

I wouldn't say I'm in a midlife crisis at 34 years old but I am a bit disappointed that my life isn't exactly going the way I planned.  I'm not where I want to be in life at this particular point in time.
It could always be worse...I could be dying.

I just try to roll with the punches and take everything in stride the best I can.

[RCMerchant]

I was born into a midlife crisis. 

[Trevor]

RC, what's happened to all your karma? 

[Sister Grace]

I've been in a weird funk for a while now also. My kid is 16 now, and he works weekends so there's not that time for us to do anything together. The wife and I both have Saturday off together, but we don't do ANYTHING together, actually this week she's moving out, so that will be a change. Not old enough or have enough time with the company to retire, but been there long enough going somewhere else could be quite the waste. I just don't seem to have the energy to do the things that sound fun, not sure what to do. Once the wife goes I'm sure it'll get better though, won't waste all my time arguing about the same crap over and over.

First of all, you don't look old enough to have a sixteen year old kid. Isabela just turned seven last month and I can't figure out where the years have gone. I'm sorry to hear about your wife; splits can be nasty. I know it's completely none of my business, but if you ever need someone to talk to...let me know.
I think my breakup is gonna turn nasty. My email was flooded this morning and last nite while I had Isabela at church he called eight times, much to my dad's dismay who was really p**sed about it. Now he's even started calling my mom so I'm hearing sh&* about it from her too.

[Jack]

I had a midlife crisis a couple of years ago.  I'm 43, wife, 3 kids, okay house, palatable job, then one day it struck me that this is all my life will ever be.  Ten, twenty, thirty years from now, that's it.  I feel like I'm just some little ball that rolled through a maze and wound up in this particular slot at the bottom, through no conscious choice of my own.  I dunno, after a couple of months I just got over it.  Seemed like some kind of funk that I eventually realized was just an irrational fear.  Hell, my life is no different than most people's, we can't all be Jedi masters saving the galaxy every day, most of us are just ordinary people dreaming about receiving the new ultra-deluxe TV remote control we just ordered from Amazon.

F***, I'm a crummy philosopher.

[Trevor]

F***, I'm a crummy philosopher.

[Derf]

At 44, I, too, am realizing that things aren't what I had hoped they would be, but I am working to change what I can. I quit my dead-end, high-stress job last year. I am not making much money in my new career, but I am still trying to get established, and things are on an upward trend. I will never be famous, which is a shame since the world will miss out on a real talent  , but I am at least creating again (music at the moment), which has always been the focus of what little drive I have. I am the last person to credibly give advice about getting out of a funk (I live in one most of the time), but I will say Ash and CheezeFlixz have the right idea: take what you've got and do what you can.

Sorry to hear about your marital problems, ghouk, and about your ending relationship, SisterGrace. Those are always hard to deal with; you are in my thoughts & prayers. Ash, you have been as well for some time now. Have you thought that maybe someone is trying to tell you it's time to leave Iowa  ?

[CheezeFlixz]

The only advice I'd give someone as to what do to when they grow up ... and I question some days if I have or not yet.

Is a phrase I heard but can not think who said it,

"Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life."

As I said early I had a fantastic job (started low worked high), but I no longer loved it. I didn't even like it, I was to the point I loathed it. The thought of get on a plane, dealing with customs in some other country, dealing with foreign government agencies for permits, dealing with customers, dealing with the paperwork and then coming home to deal with a marriage drifting apart and a kid that barely knew me was getting to be more than the paycheck covered.

Now I do what I love, I have a great boss (me) and make my own schedule and I love what I do ... did it all magically happen over night? Hell no, it took time and I built it from the ground up, there were tough times and tight times and many times I really questioned my decision ... the comment went through my head more than once at just perhaps I'd made the biggest career blunder of my life.

As for relationships, I could write a book about that and I'm no Dr Phil. (thank God) Marriage and relationships in general are hard if you aren't married then they aren't all that complicated, if you are and you have kids things get tricky.

ghouck Sorry to hear about the issues on the home front, but you gotta do what right for you. At least your kid a little older so perhaps it will be a little tiny bit less stressful. In Aug I'll be married 19 years ... I'm guessing about 5 of them have been easy total, those are the cumulative hours I've was asleep.

See men and women approach relationships differently I think. Women hope they can change the man they found, and men hope the woman doesn't change they found and both cased the opposite is true.

Anyway ... good luck to all that are going through bumps in the road of life, because if you don't hit a pothole occasionally on the road of life your not driving.

   

[ghouck]

I know it's completely none of my business, but if you ever need someone to talk to...let me know.

Thanks, and you do the same. BTW, I'm 38, that picture is from when I was about 32 or so.

[asimpson2006]

I've been unhappy since I've turned 21.  It wasn't long after that I started having my health problems that I am still dealing with as of right now.  I have a few up days, usually when the doctor says that I'm doing better, but I usually have down days more than up days.  Though at times I felt like I just needed to take my belongs, leave where I live and start over some where else.  I have even considered leaving the country and living some where else instead and changing my profession as well.

I don't like what I do now.  I liked it when I started 2 and half years ago at the company I work for, but low pay and being skipped over for promotions for supervisor jobs and left me in a rut.  I want to get another job but as with my illness I need my insurance right now so I have to stick it out till then, unless I can find a job that will allow to have insurance the minute I start working for that group.