Gross joke thread?

[ghouck]

I'll start:

Q. What's the worst part about having a lung transplant operation?

A. The first few weeks you are coughing up someone Else's phlegm.


Next. .. .

[Menard]

A guy walks into a bar acting all macho as he goes up to the bartender and asks for his strongest drink.

Feeling that this guy is trying too hard to be macho, the bartender decides to have some fun with him.

Bartender: You look like the daring type.

Guy: Well, I certainly don't shy away from things.

Bartender: Want to take a dare?

Guy: Sure.

Bartender: See that spittoon over there.

Guy: Uh...yeah.

Bartender: I'll give you $50 if you take a drink from it.

Guy: (looking kind of sick) Uh....

Bartender: Well, now if you're not up...

Guy: (Interrupting) Now I didn't say that. I'll take your dare.


The guy walks over to the spittoon, picks it up, pauses for a while, closes his eyes, then lifts it to his mouth and takes a drink.

The bartender is astonished as he didn't expect him to go through with it.


Bartender: Okay, okay, you won the $50; you can stop now.


But the guy keeps drinking from it.


Bartender: You can stop now! I'll give you $100 to stop.


But the guy keeps drinking.


Bartender: You're grossing out my customers; I'll give you $200 to stop drinking.


Finally the guy puts down the spittoon and walks back to the bar.


Bartender: Why didn't you stop when I told you to?

Guy: I would have liked to, but I got it all in one string.

[Patient7]

Not a gross joke but it's quite funny and at the end of the clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqZOA7zDfk4

[indianasmith]

What's grosser than  ten dead babies in one garbage can??

one dead baby in ten garbage cans!!

[Mr. DS]

Whats grosser than gross?

When a cheerleader does the splits and gets suctioned to the floor. 

[ghouck]

What's grosser than a truckload of bead babies?

A live one at the bottom eating his way up.

[ghouck]

Not a gross joke but it's quite funny and at the end of the clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqZOA7zDfk4

At the risk of proving that I'm retarded, I must confess that I don't get the joke. .

[Mr. DS]

A guy goes into a whorehouse and has little money.  He asks for the cheapest girl he can get.  The madam suggests a girl they call "Sandy Sandpaper". 

He hooks up with the girl and realizes quickly his unit hurts during sex.   He says to the girl, "I can see where you get your name from.  Can you fix that problem down there so I can at least enjoy this?"  The girl goes into the bathroom and they start up again.  This time no problems, matter of fact it exceeds expectations.

When all is done, he asks Sandy what she did in the bathroom to change things around.  Sandy says, "I picked the scabs and let the puss run out." 

[indianasmith]

What's grosser than a truckload of bead babies?

A live one at the bottom eating his way up.

How do you unload said truck full of dead babies???

With a pitchfork!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[AndyC]

A teenage girl and her boyfriend are getting it on in her parents' kitchen.
Suddenly, they hear her father come home, so they hastily throw their clothes back on and try to look innocent.
Dad comes in, sees the pair and asks "What's going on here?"
"We're just making sandwiches, Daddy," his daughter says.
"Oh really. And I suppose that's mayonnaise running down your leg."

[ghouck]

Anyone who wants to hear a highly offensive, politically incorrect joke, PM Me. Warning, it may offend one of more of the following: Women, Republicans, or Handicapped people. Don't say you've not been warned.

[Mr. DS]

How can you tell if you received a letter from a leper colony?

The tongue is attached to the envelope. 

[AndyC]

What's the #1 leper song of all time?
Put Your Head on My Shoulder.

What's #2?
I Wanna Hold Your Hand.

[Psycho Circus]

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says "Mummy, what are they doing?". The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm they are making cakes". The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkies having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, making cakes. The next day the girl says to her mother "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night eh?". Shocked, the Mother says "how do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa".

[Allhallowsday]

What did the leper say to the prostitute? 
Keep the tip...

Did you hear diarrhea is hereditary? 
It runs in your genes...