Funny lines from tv shows ....

[retrorussell]

Still more ATHF:

TV commercial admen for Wong Burger: Just grab the bottom of the cup, rip it and win!  Prizes include a new car or a discount on teriyaki fries!  At Wong Burger, when it's right, it's Wong!
..some customers may get their d*cks ripped off.

Igniknot: This pornography is infinitely excellent.  This dresser, however, is very boring.  Torch the dresser, Meatwad.
Meatwad: But that's where Carl keeps his clothes!
Igniknot:  Look, these women aren't wearing any clothes and they're not complaining.
Urr:  Yeah, dude!  They're kissing each other!
Igniknot:  And you want Carl to be forever kissed, don't you?
Meatwad:  Yeah, I guess so..
Igniknot:  Then you will torch the dresser because you're a (fires up the Foreigner Belt) DIRTY WHITE BOY.  (brainwashes Meatwad into torching the dresser)

[God the Worms]

Recent ATHF.

Shake: Where's my flame-thrower?
Frylock: Oh, it probably got lost in the move.
Shake: Or maybe you hid my flame-thrower because I make poor decisions with it.

[InformationGeek]

From Weird Newscasters for Whose Line is It Anyways?

Colin: Convicted hitman, Jimmy 'Two-Shoes' McClarty, confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figures. Police admit this may be the first known case of a nick-knack-patty-whack.

[Flu-Bird]

From the classic STAR TREK episode THE TROUBLE WITH TRIBBLES, I BEAMED THE WHOLE KIT N KOBOOTLE INTO THEIR ENGINE ROOM WHERE THEY BE NO TRIBBLE AT ALL

[Django]

Jayne from Firefly

*after seeing two women leave to presumably have sex*

"I'll be in my bunk."

[retrorussell]

From Sledge Hammer!

(Hammer tousles with criminal on commercial jet)
Hammer: This is for that little kid's piggy bank! (punches criminal)
Hammer: And this is for hitting me! (punches criminal)
Hammer: This is for calling me names! (punches criminal)
Hammer: And this is for ordering pizza! (punches criminal)
Hammer: And this is for making me hold hands with another guy! (punches criminal)
(punches criminal again)
Criminal: What was that for?
Hammer: That was gratuitous.

(after a court session)
Irritating Reporter: Inspector Hammer!  Any predictions about the future?
Hammer: Yes.  Scientists will perform the first brain transplant, and you'll be the recipient.

[Flu-Bird]

From UNDERDOG   ITS A BIRD ITS A PLANE ITS A FROG

[Vik]

From Californication:

Hank Moody: You kicked my d!ck out of the house. You made my d!ck homeless. And out of doors is a place where penises don't generally fare well. So my homeless d!ck now must seek shelter where and whence it can.

[retrorussell]

Aqua Teen Hunger Force:
(Carl and Meatwad go to visit MC Pee Pants at a warehouse)
Frylock: We need to follow them.
Shake: Look.  I should not walk.. so a CHILD MAY LIVE!
..that's what it does!
Frylock: Get up!

Shake: Frylock.. The Highlander was a documentary.. and the events happened in real time!
Meatwad: So this cliff is magic?
Shake: Oh yeah!  Big time!
Meatwad (preparing to jump off cliff and "be immortal"): I'm doing it now.
Happy Time Harry: Man, look, you gotta be BORN a Highlander.  You can't just become one.
Frylock: See, he saw the movie too.
Meatwad: Yeah, that's right!
Shake: I know I saw cliffs.. okay?  And lots of magic everywhere.  And Mel Gibson.
Happy Time Harry: Uh.. Braveheart?  Hello?

[God the Worms]

Aqua Teen Hunger Force


Wwwyzzerrdd- Surely this convenience entices you - pornography and online gaming at hundreds of times the speed of your normal advertising service provider. It's so easy to use! And the surgery...

Frylock- Surgery?

Wwwyzzerrdd- ...to implant it at the base of your skull is so painless that it's no wonder I'm number one.