THE BEST MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 riffs

[Trevor]

THE BEATNIKS

Eddie [singing] "Anything is better.........."
Joel: [singing along] "..........than this crap.............."

[Rev. Powell]

THE MAGIC VOYAGE OF SINBAD

Sinbad: Have you got the Bird of Happiness?
CROW: No, but we've got a pretty friendly chicken.

Sinbad's pal [whispering]: Sacrifice the bishop.
TOM: Santa bites the bishop??

JOEL: You know, that ceiling octopus really helps with the circulation.

[Trevor]

THE MAGIC VOYAGE OF SINBAD
Sinbad: Have you got the Bird of Happiness?
CROW: No, but we've got a pretty friendly chicken.

[Trevor]

THE FINAL SACRIFICE:

Troy: "How do you know?"
Zap: "I've been around, kid."
Crow: "And I've been a square kid."

[Trevor]

THE BEATNIKS

[Peter Breck is chugging a beer]

Crow: "Ahmmm, maple syrup...good....." 

[Trevor]

THE BEATNIKS:

[Peter Breck douses the stage assistant with his beer: the assistant is wired for sound]

ALL: "SSZZZZZZZTTTTZZZZZZTTTTTTTTT!!"  

[ChaosTheory]

from the SNOW THRILLS short:

Narrator (during figure skating): Beauty, grace and rhythm!
Servo: You won't find them here!


Narrator (during ski footage): The correct way to pronounce it is "Shi-ing"!
Joel: Yeah, well you're full of skit.

[Rev. Powell]

SANTA CLAUS

[As Japanese children are adding an atonal contribution to Santa's world Christmas carol spectacular]
MIKE: If seasonal holiday depression has a soundtrack, this is it.

[Pitch, shivering in the cold waiting by a chimney]
MIKE: C'mon, Santa, I need some stuff, man, just a taste...

[Lupita's mom crosses herself after the Christmas miracle]
TOM: In the name of Santa, Merlin, and the elves, amen.

[Trevor]

I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF:

Tom Servo: Okay, little old lady got mutilated late last night; you kids know anything?

[Trevor]

PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR:

Mike Nelson: Now let's put out our flaming crotches and we'll find your nose.

[Rev. Powell]

CODE NAME: DIAMOND HEAD

TOM: I gotta pick up a can of tampons for my girlfriend.

MIKE: When this originally aired, at this point everyone had turned to "Carter Country."

Anorexic love interest: "You never cease to amaze me. I didn't know you could cook."
CROW: I didn't know you could eat!

[Rev. Powell]

Short "A Young Man's Fancy"

CROW: Thank goodness for my electric dress!

MIKE: Judy: Beyond Thundersquishy.

THE VIOLENT YEARS

During the "rape scene":

CROW: 'Penthouse Forum,' the movie.

Newspaper headline reads "YOUNG MAN ROBBED, CRIMINALLY ATTACKED BY FOUR GIRLS"
CROW: Refuses to press charges!
MIKE: Hundreds of men flock to crime scene!

MIKE: This is actually an advertisement for "light days panty liners."

And this one wasn't really clever but it was so silly it made me laugh more than anything:

Mother: We've given Paula everything, everything but real love. A new dress, instead of a caress. A new car...
MIKE: ...instead of a cigar.

[Trevor]

THE BEATNIKS: Eddie Crane is singing about "your little heart's desire"

Tom: "I desire you to stop singing!" 

[Rev. Powell]

LAST OF THE WILD HORSES

FRANK: Foot fetishists of the Old West!

(Cowboy raises his arm to hail the gathering of angry ranchers)
TOM: Howdy Hitler!

Bad guy: "He dropped something over there. See what it it."
CROW: It's a plot device. Be very careful, it's flimsy.

[VenomX73]

The Magic Voyage of Sinbad

Narrator: Sinbad has returned!
(and nobody seems to care)

and

That bear has 'Hammer pants' on.

LOL!