The Ten (or More) Commandments of Bad Movies

[Psycho Circus]

Thou shall not invest in "lighting"

[retrorussell]

The hero of thy film will be shot at pointblank by the enemy and never hit.
Any vehicle involved in a fatal crash/tumble off a cliff must explode as if made of dynamite.
A film taking place in a much earlier time period must leave in shots of modern vehicles or appliances in the background.

[Psycho Circus]

All actions and lines of dialogue MUST be performed exactly as written in the script and be devoid of emotion...

[AndyC]

Thou shalt retain all contemporary fashions, fads and speech patterns in thy world of the past or future.

Thy post-apocalyptic world shalt have freshly mowed grass.

Thou shalt not create characters who, when in danger, reason as normal people would do.

Thou shalt not have any mayor who is not corrupt, greedy and/or misguided.

Thy shalt not inflict a monster upon thy community outside of major celebrations and peak tourist seasons.

Thy shalt not hold thy hero responsible for any death or destruction he might cause.

[diamondwaspvenom]

Thou shalt only use screwy handpuppets for monsters, for bad puppets are holy.

Do the will of Charles Band, and it shall be the law unto the whole b-movie industry.

Honour Ed Wood and Roger Corman.

Thou shalt not use cgi except when necessary (which is not often).

[JaseSF]

Thou shalt hold in great esteem the idea of putting a man in a suit, preferably some variation on a gorilla or sea creature costume, as the monster and FX for your film.

Thou shalt get many shots of young people dancing and cavorting in ridiculous fashion, preferably on or at a beach. And be sure to inform your cameraman to linger on moving butts dancing.

Thou shalt hire a terrible rock band to perform for your film and to supply a few songs for the above-mentioned dancing/cavorting.

Thou must hold true to this: Use stock footage when and wherever possible.

Thou must have people screaming. It doesn't matter whether they be man or woman, they must scream frantically at the sight or in the presence of any "monster".

[meQal]

Wheneth possible, Thou shalt be the star, director, producer, and writer of thy film.

Thou shalt do as many one take scenes as thy can.

Thou shalt not showeth thy monster until thy last possible moment to thine audiance.

Honour Doris Wishman and Lloyd Kaufman.

[Psycho Circus]

Thou must hire a star of 60s westerns as either a teenage hero or space alien.

[The Burgomaster]

* If thy movie is set in the Southern United States, thou shalt have characters named "Bubba" and "Skeeter."

* Thou shalt use the tag line, "It's only a movie . . . only a movie . . . only a movie."

* Thou shalt release thy movie under alternate titles to capitalize on whatever is "hot" at the time (disco, outer space, sharks, etc.)

* Thy opening credits shalt say "Starring [reasonably famous actor from the past]" even though this actor appeareth in only two scenes, seated behind a desk, talking on the telephone.

[AndyC]

All the soldiers in thy war movie shalt have accents from either New York or the southern states.

Blessed be the alien world that resembles Bronson Canyon, for it is holy ground.

All brilliant scientists must work from home. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Thou shalt have no other fields of scientific study but a single, generic one.

Thy robots shalt have minds that are sentient, personalities that are complex, physical abilities above those of humans, and the voicebox out of an old Hero Jr.

[Psycho Circus]

Thou must never trust the Russians, they are all evil communist pigs.

[Flick James]

Thou shalt never portray clowns as normal everyday people simply making a living entertaining children at parties.

[Leah]

Thy Final fight scene must play Never Give You Up.

Thou shalt never act as accordingly to thy script

thou must bake pies/cakes.

[The Gravekeeper]

Thou shalt mention better movies in the middle of your crappy one so as to slap the audience with the realization that they could be watching the better movie instead.

Thou shalt do no research into any topics thou are not familiar with, even if thy made-up "facts" can be easily disproven by anyone with even the most rudimentary knowledge on the subject.

Thou shalt rip off better movies and change them to fit whatever monster is currently popular, ala "Flight of the Living Dead."

Thou shalt always make female characters fall in love with the lead male or die a gruesome death

Thou shalt remember that during the final act the monster/killer shall always be much easier to defeat, whether by becoming physically weaker or losing all common sense. Both is truly divine.

Thou shalt always urge thy audience to suspend their disbelief even if the audience had already done so and are bothered by such devils as "plot holes" and "logic."

[AndyC]

Thou shalt not allow thy hero and heroine to fall in love without making a bad first impression on each other.

Thou shalt not use any part of thy source material, save for title and characters' names.

Thou shalt not stop the action long enough for patrons to realize your movie offers nothing else.

Thou shalt not include children who do not whine, speak in an annoying voice or endanger the other characters.

Thou shalt not allow common sense to get in the way of a cool idea.