Pathetic Youth Athletics Coaches/Parents

[Mr. DS]

It absolutely amazes me how despicable some people are when it comes to youth sports.  My 4 year recently started youth soccer at the YMCA.  He's been to two sessions which went well.  Seeing this is his first time playing, he is still getting used to the game.  However, I am proud of his willingness to try on the field. 

However, third session in (today) we ran into some d*ckheaded coach.  He insisted that each side have only 6 players (all kids were playing up until this point) and that the game was a competition.  His team had custom jerseys with all the kids name on it.  Hello gym shorts, IT'S F*CKING 4-YEAR OLDS!!!  This isn't the World Cup and far as I know there are no standings.  Seeing my kid has just started playing, he ended up warming the bench for most of the game.  Another point I'm not happy with seeing our coach should have had the balls to put all the kids in.  When we were leaving my son asked, "I didn't get to play because I wasn't good enough?" 

You better believe we got right on the line with the Athletic Director who was more than interested in our comments.  He apologized and said that the Y was not supposed to be run like this.  Personally I hope that f'n coach gets sh*t canned from the program.  Sorry if this rant offends but I'm so sick of asinine coaches and parents that take their kids wayyyyy to seriously.  These are the same jerks that made life unhappy for so many in their school days because of their egos.  Now they take it out on the next generation.  Its all horsesh*t man and I'm beyond livid. 

Feelings, thoughts, similar stories???

[Newt]

I'm a professional coach.  Different sport, but in principle coaching is coaching.

I'm also a parent.

And boy oh boy do I hear you!

What you have run into is a common mindset: sports = competition.  Persons afflicted with this point of view cannot perceive sport any other way.

It takes a special set of skills to be able to coach a sport's skill set and deal with individual kids in a fair and fun manner. Especially with very young children.  It is largely a case of the coach being able to find a fairly delicate balance.  (Don't let's get into pressure from parents of like mindset...egad!)  Not everyone who is capable of instructing in the technical end of a sport has what it takes to deal with the 'people' end of things.  The younger the participants/athletes, the tougher it can be.  IMO a true 'coach' has it all; unfortunately this is not so easy to find.  And if you are dealing with volunteer coaches it gets even harder to be selective: often coaches of any kind are in short supply.

[Leah]

I remember seeing this video of some coach/parent? beating up the other team's coach because the other team was winning by 10 and the coach/parent got arrested. and i'm thinking that he's a bad sport

[lester1/2jr]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_36OpchdG6w

[macabre]

hi
i,m gonna get my assed kicked for this reply , but at least i,m being honest!!!!
i teach judo at my local club. you make a strong point about parents/coaches taking things far too seriously. what do you do? you start ranting and raving because your son is upset because he had to park his bum on the bench.i am afraid that if you continue to do this you will spoil this special time to bond with your son, there will be plenty of times your son will have to sit down and not participate, you must encourage him not to wallow in this but look forward to next weeks training and he will get his shot, i have had parents verbally and try to physically abuse me because i have had to drop thier kids from competion. your coach does sound like an ass wipe but remember what he does is for the team and not for an individual parent. i am sorry if i have offended you or anyone else but i just wished to voice my opinion,
  macabre

[Newt]

There is a world of difference, macabre, between competitive sport and recreational leagues.  Four-year-olds generally are not playing soccer for a season championship. There is no 'for the good of the team'.  Every child is entitled to the same amount of time on the field.

My kids have been playing soccer for for over ten years. In our league, our younger soccer players don't even keep score in their games - and they don't care!  Every child goes home from the games feeling they 'won': they remember good plays made, their best moves, and the fun they had.  There is a year-end round-robin tournament, but that is a one-day event.  All season long the focus is on fitness activity, skills development, personal bests, sportsmanship and FUN.  Constructive, positive experiences.  DS's child is playing through the Y and there are no uniforms: I am guessing that the focus is also on learning the game, getting some fitness activity in and having FUN.

ETA: a correction.  In this case a player goes out on the field and gives their best effort "for the good of the team"; it does not mean that a less experienced or less talented player gives up playing time so the stronger players can win the game.

[Mr. DS]

hi
i,m gonna get my assed kicked for this reply , but at least i,m being honest!!!!
i teach judo at my local club. you make a strong point about parents/coaches taking things far too seriously. what do you do? you start ranting and raving because your son is upset because he had to park his bum on the bench.i am afraid that if you continue to do this you will spoil this special time to bond with your son, there will be plenty of times your son will have to sit down and not participate, you must encourage him not to wallow in this but look forward to next weeks training and he will get his shot, i have had parents verbally and try to physically abuse me because i have had to drop thier kids from competion. your coach does sound like an ass wipe but remember what he does is for the team and not for an individual parent. i am sorry if i have offended you or anyone else but i just wished to voice my opinion,
 macabre

I respect you for offering up that opinion Macabre but I certainly don't agree with all of it.   As Newt pointed out this is at the "Y".  This is not a competition where kids "take it for the team".  The way Newt described it is spot on, the true feeling of a "Y" game is for every kid to feel like they've done something.  Even if they only kicked the ball once.   I am fully aware at some point later in life if my son doesn't cut it, he may be benched or even perhaps cut from the team.  Nor am I going to be the parent that shoves a sport down his throat just because I want him to succeed.   BUT he sure as hell can't find his way in a sport if they start benching him after 3 meetings.  Get what I'm saying?

And, which self admiringly I forgot to mention, the "Y" has rules.  The rule specifically say that "all kids play the whole game".  This A-hole coach seemed to take it upon himself to change those rules because of his apparent ego.  I should point out also that his team seemed to fear him.  If these coaches wanted to follow a new "6 at a time" rule then make the rotation fair.  Don't send your more experienced players out for 20 minutes  then give my son a pity 2 minutes.  I paid my son's entry fee like all other parents and my kids deserves to be part of the game, not just watching it.

As Lester's video states, let the kids play.  Who gives a sh*t who wins.  Most parents/coaches are great people.  It just takes one a-hole to ruin it for everyone.  I won't even go into the horror stories I have from umpiring little league one year.  

[Doggett]

hi
i,m gonna get my assed kicked for this reply , but at least i,m being honest!!!!
i teach judo at my local club. you make a strong point about parents/coaches taking things far too seriously. what do you do? you start ranting and raving because your son is upset because he had to park his bum on the bench.i am afraid that if you continue to do this you will spoil this special time to bond with your son, there will be plenty of times your son will have to sit down and not participate, you must encourage him not to wallow in this but look forward to next weeks training and he will get his shot, i have had parents verbally and try to physically abuse me because i have had to drop thier kids from competion. your coach does sound like an ass wipe but remember what he does is for the team and not for an individual parent. i am sorry if i have offended you or anyone else but i just wished to voice my opinion,
  macabre

I don't think darksider's kid cares about competition or tables, he just wants to kick a ball around. I understand what you're saying but at least wait till he's a little older, eh ? 

[Rev. Powell]

hi
i,m gonna get my assed kicked for this reply , but at least i,m being honest!!!!
i teach judo at my local club. you make a strong point about parents/coaches taking things far too seriously. what do you do? you start ranting and raving because your son is upset because he had to park his bum on the bench.i am afraid that if you continue to do this you will spoil this special time to bond with your son, there will be plenty of times your son will have to sit down and not participate, you must encourage him not to wallow in this but look forward to next weeks training and he will get his shot, i have had parents verbally and try to physically abuse me because i have had to drop thier kids from competion. your coach does sound like an ass wipe but remember what he does is for the team and not for an individual parent. i am sorry if i have offended you or anyone else but i just wished to voice my opinion,
  macabre

macabre may not have noticed that DarkSider's kid was only 4 years old.  The amount of competitiveness you instill in the kids obviously depends on their age.  At that age, it's just about having fun and learning the basic skills.  As kids get older, I think it may be important for them to compete, so that they can learn that not everyone is equal and hard work pays off with more time on the field/mat/whatever.

[ulthar]

Couple of comments, since this has come up in conversation with friends and family a lot.

A good friend of mine has coached youth soccer, and he has offered the following to me (in regard to my asking him about children in sports):

(1) "Organized" T-Ball has completely ruined baseball for his own children.  After a season or two, they hated the game.  This was due to the coaching style, and the whole "coaches kids get to to play, everyone else just stands around playing in the dirt" stuff.

(2) He told me that after his research, he has found that all the World Cup winning countries (like Brazil) for example do NOT have organized sports for the young ones.  They get to be "kids" and "just play" on their own until about the early teens or so.  THEN they organize into teams with more formal coaching. 

Thus it seems there is NO proof that pushing them into 'competition' at four makes better athletics in the long run.

Also, I offer this as an alternative if you want one for your children:

Last Child in the Woods

The premise is that UNSTRUCTURED (ie, non-adult supervised/organized) play time outside is more beneficial to younger children than so-called "organized" sports...or at least that's my interpretation.

For what it's worth, my daughter rides ponies, my son is on swim team, and both REALLY enjoy hiking/bushwhacking and the like.  They watch about 2 hours of tv per month on average.  (We don't even own a tv).

Best of luck...that situation really stinks.  Too bad too many adults "grew up" (did they?).

[Allhallowsday]

hi
i,m gonna get my assed kicked for this reply , but at least i,m being honest!!!!
i teach judo at my local club. you make a strong point about parents/coaches taking things far too seriously. what do you do? you start ranting and raving because your son is upset because he had to park his bum on the bench.i am afraid that if you continue to do this you will spoil this special time to bond with your son, there will be plenty of times your son will have to sit down and not participate, you must encourage him not to wallow in this but look forward to next weeks training and he will get his shot, i have had parents verbally and try to physically abuse me because i have had to drop thier kids from competion. your coach does sound like an ass wipe but remember what he does is for the team and not for an individual parent. i am sorry if i have offended you or anyone else but i just wished to voice my opinion,
 macabre

Scrutinizing the originating post of this thread might suggest a response or two to your posting.  Four years of age is essential information.  This is about participation and physical activity, rule learning, with bench-warming patience the least consideration and well beside the point of FUN.  Four years old.  
Four (4) Whisper: Four years old.   Four years old.  I really don't like this coach.

[Allhallowsday]

...The premise is that UNSTRUCTURED (ie, non-adult supervised/organized) play time outside is more beneficial to younger children than so-called "organized" sports...or at least that's my interpretation...

I've read nothing on the subject, or heard nary a comment, but I so agree... "Nature Deficit Disorder".  My father and I grew tomatoes, cucumbers, beans, cabbage, peppers... I'd sometimes find a bird, turtle, frogs, fish, snakes, spiders, lizards... we loved hiking in the woods and spotting deer, or owls... what have you, later, I'd read about such and it laid a foundation of understanding, and appreciation for, nature.

[macabre]

hi
yup! i kinda got my assed kicked,lol. i take on board all the comments made and i,, to an extent agree with all of them.but please let us not assume that because a child is 4yrs old he does not have a competitiive streak in him or he does not wish to do his best for his parent.  my main point i was making that it may have upset him to see his dad  mad over the actions of this coach,.. i understand that you have to first lay a foundation with which to build upon. i did not mean to question darksider or anyone else..  but yes you guys are right on one thing this coach is member of the feebles!!!!  perhaps his father is david lynch or some other twisted director!!!!..  once again i am sorry if i offended anyone.   macabre.. 

[The Gravekeeper]

...The premise is that UNSTRUCTURED (ie, non-adult supervised/organized) play time outside is more beneficial to younger children than so-called "organized" sports...or at least that's my interpretation...

I've read nothing on the subject, or heard nary a comment, but I so agree... "Nature Deficit Disorder".  My father and I grew tomatoes, cucumbers, beans, cabbage, peppers... I'd sometimes find a bird, turtle, frogs, fish, snakes, spiders, lizards... we loved hiking in the woods and spotting deer, or owls... what have you, later, I'd read about such and it laid a foundation of understanding, and appreciation for, nature.

Ditto. My parents taught me how to grow plants and my summers were spent riding horses, camping and just playing outside. I was in organized sports a bit as a little kid, but I always preferred just playing with my friends to playing a proper game. Heck, once we realized that we had all the equipment we needed to play baseball when we pooled our stuff together we'd just find a nice, empty field and take turns pitching and batting. No one ever kept score; we just had fun and came away with some great memories. As for nature, I have nothing less than a deep respect and awe for it thanks to having been exposed to its wonders as a child. It's kinda hard to be perfectly okay with things like wetland destruction when you and your friends used to spend your summer evenings tramping around in ditches and bogs looking for frogs and toads, after all.

[Trevor]

DS, I'm sorry to hear about the bad way your son was treated. 

Would you just tell this dickhead "coach" that there are eleven players in a soccer team and not six?