Vampires Suck (2010)

[InformationGeek]

So a movie parodying the Twilight franchise sounds good, right?  WRONG!  Does this look like a good movie to you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHkPJ1ACLrg

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are directors behind this movie, who you may remember are the guys behind Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie.  These films are just pure evil and horrible.  They are not funny at all and just suck the life out of you.  They are also terrible parody/riffing movies as well.  They just do not have any focus and tend to rip on or parodying everything else besides their intended target.  Since when was Borat, Click, and Nacho Libre an epic movie?  What the hell does Transformers have to do with 300?!  Why was there Michael Jackson, a High School Musical dance, and singing chimpmunks in a movie about parodying disaster movies?! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

*Five Minutes Later*

Okay, I'm cool now.  Still, this movie is nothing more then just a devious way to steal your money from you.  I know lots of you hate the Twilight franchise and this film is just preying on that hate of yours to blind you from the truth of what this film really is and the directors' track record in general.  It'll rob you of your money and reward you not with your hope of a trashing of Twilight, but with a stupid and mind numbingly bad film that is suppose to be a comedy.

I know you are all smart and clever individuals, but I know your hate of Twilight is strong.  Don't let that cloud your judgment.  See this film for what it is; just a horrible movie that wants to feed of your hatred like a parasite.

Here's an audio review of it that I found:

http://my.spill.com/profiles/blogs/vampires-suck-audio-review

[Chainsawmidget]

Didn't we just have a topic about this recently?  Oh well.  I still say that I have no hope for this movie.  I'm not even willing to give it the benifit of the doubt.  Not watching it. 

Seriously, if they're going to parody Twilight, they should probably just stick to parodying Twilight.  Alice has nothing to do with that. 

I will say one thing in the movies favor though, as much as I hate to.  The It's raining Men bit was somewhat funny.  I suppose you throw out that many bad jokes you're bound to hit a good one sooner or later.  Law of averages and all. 

[SkullBat308]

This movie was painfully mediocre, but it wasn't as bad as I was a 41 year old virgin who knocked up Sarah Marshall and felt Superbad about it 

[3mnkids]

I despise these kinds of movies. Epic movie, meet the spartans, scary movie(all of them).... Low brow "humor" just doesn't do it for me. 

[indianasmith]

One of my students has an uncle who is IN this movie, so I guess I'll have to watch it.  Not looking forward to it - spoofs just aren't what they used to be.

[The Burgomaster]

There's a very special magic in a trailer that makes you NOT want to see a movie . . .

[Flick James]

These movies are hopeless, but they keep making them so they must be turning a profit. Without seeing it, which I won't, I can already tell you that I probably got more laughs out of what it's parodying.

[Chainsawmidget]

I despise these kinds of movies. Epic movie, meet the spartans, scary movie(all of them).... Low brow "humor" just doesn't do it for me. 

I thought the third and forth Scay Movie were pretty good. 

[The Gravekeeper]

I despise this team. They themselves admitted that they just watch the trailers, hence why their jokes are so poor. Guess what? Sometimes the movies they poke fun at made those jokes already (eg- Wolverine already did the whole "flipping people off with his claws" thing).

So in light of the fact that the writers based their spoofs on trailers, I'm going to judge this movie based on its trailer. It sucks and the trailer probably highlighted all the best jokes in the entire movie.

[Skull]

These movies are hopeless, but they keep making them so they must be turning a profit. Without seeing it, which I won't, I can already tell you that I probably got more laughs out of what it's parodying.

20 million is cheap when you consider video sales and I'll bet many annoyed husbands/boyfriends are going to pick up this movie... especially when their better half asks them why they are not such characters in Twilight... :)

[Rev. Powell]

"Vampires Suck finds Friedberg-Seltzer evolving ever so slightly, but adequacy remains out of their grasp, and mediocrity might just be an impossible goal."--Nathan Rabin, The Onion AV Club. 

[Flick James]

"Vampires Suck finds Friedberg-Seltzer evolving ever so slightly, but adequacy remains out of their grasp, and mediocrity might just be an impossible goal."--Nathan Rabin, The Onion AV Club. 

I love The Onion.

[The Burgomaster]

Last week, the Boston Globe had a big article about the girl who plays the lead.  She is a recent Boston University graduate.  One of the questions they asked her in the interview is how she feels about her first starring role being in a movie that will probably get bad reviews.  I love it when interviewers don't sugar coat their questions.

[Mean Machine]

I saw a commercial for this dogxxxx taco that had clearly fake names giving it good reviews.

When a movie has to make up good reviews for itself, 'nuff said.

[WildHoosier09]

I have not seen the movie but every time I see a trailer for this I like it less.  The first trailer- vampires: "do you know who we are?" ... victim: "The blackeyed peas?"... vampires "why does everyone think we're the blacked eyed peas!".... ok so that is pretty funny, vampires drinking blood from a keg-stand styled funnel set-up like frat-boys is not funny, just dumb.  girl telling vampire she would be into him eating her hinting at oral sex is such an obvious joke set-up that it would almost fit in in the original movie.
This is the same group that cranks out these spoof movies all the time (epic movie, date movie, scary movie, meet the spartans) the primary failing is this, if there are any functional jokes in them they are so specifically dated that they literally go bad like eggs or cheese.  For example, I saw a small part of meet the spartans just the other night and they had some Sanjay joke in there of him singing badly on American Idol.  Already rather than laughing at the current reference I'm trying to remember this guy, in another year or two it would be completely pointless to include someone whose 15 minutes of fame ended years ago.  Just sitting down with a stack of newspapers from last week and using what is happening right now as your joke set works only for a very short time while the reference is fresh.  I'll pass this one even though I do believe that twilight needs lampooned I won't spend any money to see another "(insert genre here) Movie"