Wal-Mart toy aisle is not really a good place to rub one out

[sprite75]

Just ask one William Tyler Black, who was caught with the swimsuit issue in a toy aisle at his local Wal-Mart.

The deal spares Black, who spent a month in custody following his September 14 arrest, further jail time. The conviction, though, will likely have a negative impact on Black's career as a substitute teacher. Black is pictured in the above mug shot.

When confronted by cops, Black admitted that he had been masturbating in the store's toy aisle, claiming that he was driven to the lewd act after he spotted "some pretty girls which made him aroused." He told officers that he "grabbed a magazine and then found a back aisle and began to masturbate until he relieved himself on the floor," according to a probable cause affidavit.

The magazine he selected was the 2010 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue featuring model Brooklyn Decker on its cover.

A Walmart worker told investigators that Black "ejaculated onto the floor and wiped his hand on a toy along with rubbing his foot in the suspected semen on the floor." He then "discarded the magazine behind some toys and proceeded to the front of the store," employees reported. The defiled toy was a lightsaber (apparently of the "Star Wars" variety), according to a law enforcement source.

[Mr. DS]

What a j#rk off...

[indianasmith]

Come on, dude, they have bathroom stalls and dressing rooms, for crying out loud . . .


the TOY aisle?????

[Doggett]

I like to use badmovies.org.

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[sprite75]

I like to use badmovies.org.

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Finished.

What, the parts featuring Betty White?

[The Gravekeeper]

Whoops, misread the date this happened. Thought he was just recently arrested. Still...class act, pal.

[Mr. DS]

What, the parts featuring Betty White?

No he was thinking of me. 

[Doggett]

What, the parts featuring Betty White?

No he was thinking of me. 

Yes.

Yes, I was...

I always think of you, DarkSider.

[sprite75]

And if you were dying of curiosity, The Smoking Gun now has photos of what they call Cleanup in Aisle Three.  According to TSG, the photos show the following;

• Crime scene technicians, armed with only a Q-Tip, are just as brave as any cop walking the beat.

• Black was not carrying a copy of the 2010 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition while pleasuring himself. In fact, he opted for SI's $11.99 "Swimsuit Portfolio," a bound volume with the subtitle "Paradise Found." Both publications, however, featured model Brooklyn Decker on their respective covers.

• The lightsaber upon which Black, 28, left his DNA was a Star Wars Clone Wars toy. Though the photos thankfully do not make it clear whether the defiled toy was a spring activated Obi-Wan Kenobi model ($19.97 at Walmart) or a Darth Vader electronic lightsaber ($19.54).

• Incidents like this have a way of clearing a store of its customers.

[Leah]

what a sticky situation this guy was in.

[Umaril The Unfeathered]

"Wax on...whacks off...."

[Umaril The Unfeathered]

Come on, dude, they have bathroom stalls and dressing rooms, for crying out loud . . .

the TOY aisle?????

Ya' just gotta' respect this guy, I bet noone ever pulled one off like this at Wal-mart before..

Latest updates say Black was caught white-handed,  but they also say that the story about him masturbating was stretching things too far...

Lastly, this story is a real weiner....

C'mon, the story had it coming!   

[Mr. DS]

And if you were dying of curiosity, The Smoking Gun now has photos of what they call Cleanup in Aisle Three.  According to TSG, the photos show the following;

• Crime scene technicians, armed with only a Q-Tip, are just as brave as any cop walking the beat.

• Black was not carrying a copy of the 2010 Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition while pleasuring himself. In fact, he opted for SI's $11.99 "Swimsuit Portfolio," a bound volume with the subtitle "Paradise Found." Both publications, however, featured model Brooklyn Decker on their respective covers.

• The lightsaber upon which Black, 28, left his DNA was a Star Wars Clone Wars toy. Though the photos thankfully do not make it clear whether the defiled toy was a spring activated Obi-Wan Kenobi model ($19.97 at Walmart) or a Darth Vader electronic lightsaber ($19.54).

• Incidents like this have a way of clearing a store of its customers.

Mirroring one comment on that site, I found the "wet floor" sign to be unintentionally hilarious. 

[Mr. DS]

Come on, dude, they have bathroom stalls and dressing rooms, for crying out loud . . .

the TOY aisle?????

Ya' just gotta' respect this guy, I bet noone ever pulled one off like this at Wal-mart before..

Latest updates say Black was caught white-handed,  but they also say that the story about him masturbating was stretching things too far...

Lastly, this story is a real weiner....

C'mon, the story had it coming!   

He should have done it in the hardware department.

[indianasmith]

Was this in one of those Yankee stores?