Make a sentence you're pretty sure no-one's said before!

[indianasmith]

If that were the first sentence of a novel, I would definitely read the rest!!!

Speaking of the first sentence of a bad novel, this was a finalist in the Bulwar-Litton award competition a few years back:

Like an overripe beefsteak tomato trimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent body of Santa Claus lay sprawled on the hotel room floor.

[retrorussell]

My peaceful sleep was interrupted by the arrival of nipple-pinching pirates clad in armadillo roadkill skins.

[ER]

His shoes smelled of bubble gum and sulphur, giving away his most recent adultery.

[indianasmith]

Gorbachev sings tractors!  Turnip!! Buttocks!!

(I know, Berkeley Breathed said it in Bloom County!  But they are still perhaps the funniest five words to ever appear on the comics page.)

[ER]

When the world was young and he quite old, the titan stole glances at the newborn and wondered what havoc this race of gods would set loose upon creation.

[ER]

Seventy-seven silver scarecrows shot scalding swords skyward shouting soliloquies sung sans softness so seductively stated sleeping Satan stirred, sobered, seethed, silenced seventy-six, saying simply, "Shush!" shot scarecrow seventy-six scorn so stately shown she scarcely screamed, sending sonorous strangling sounds starward, southward, sabotaging Salisbury's scoldingly stagnant September services.

[retrorussell]

Calmly squeezing my buttocks, I jumped out the window and landed on the perfectly arranged stack of Rosie O'Donnell heads.

[ER]

"I find The Prisoner of Azkaban erotic," she whispered.

[indianasmith]

Using Trevor's underpants as a parachute, I leaped out the Vatican window with a jar of pickles and a bag of rhinoceros excrement.

[ER]

"Would you like to vote today?" the demon asked, handing me a ballot wherein all five candidates bore the same name.

[ER]

When it comes to apocalypses, rank amateurs make the best professionals.

[retrorussell]

Under your bed at precisely 10am you will find a diseased ocelot hacking up the remains of Alistair Crowley.

[Olivia Bauer]

The Xbox ONE looks terrific!

[indianasmith]

Paquita gently squeezed the Hostess Snoballs, imagining the face of Kristen Stewart.

[retrorussell]

A pair of hydrocephalic lesbians catered some Scandinavian rat hair pizza to my doorstep at approximately 7:30AM this morning; I tipped them with a Street Fighter II pog.