Dark Alex's Really Long Post Thread.

[Alex]

I received a message today from a woman who claims to have lost a foot when she was bitten by a tiger, while on safari in Africa. She is looking for a man to make her feel sexy again and show her that she can still be a real woman.

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I feel she is not being entirely honest with me and that there is one slight flaw in her story. Then again, maybe I am wrong and tigers have a larger hunting range than I am aware of. Pretty sure they are Asain animals though. Maybe she lost a foot some other way and just didn't want to own up to the real reason. I did google tiger attacks and couldn't find anything on that happening to any local women.

Going to go with it is all just a scam though.

Not sure if that or the question about "Who was the guy who had sex with an infected monkey and introduced AIDS to humans?" was the oddest thing I've read today or not. I can't message back because there is no way I could without mentioning how lucky she was to be bit by a tiger in Africa. Then it would turn out she really was bitten by one and, well I wouldn't feel bad, but I'd be aware that I should feel bad and if other people found out I'd have to act like I cared and that is mentally exhausting.

It does make a change though from all those Nigerian princes who need my help to get their money out of the country.

[ER]

Well the tiger that bit off her foot was in Africa but he belonged to a Nigerian prince who imported him from India, but the prince released the tiger from his personal zoo when he fled the country after depositing his personal fortune of $425,000,000.04 in the bank account of Mrs. Myrna Sundersen, of Pollywasha, Nebraska, the only soul not too cynical to take a chance on Nigerian royalty with a sad story, and currently her county's only millionaire, having received 20% of the prince's assets as a reward for her kindness to him.

[Alex]

Well we are passed the midnight hour, leaving Monday behind. This also marks the halfway point of our working week. It always feels good to reach this point.

Watching the Creepshow TV series. Just starting the second half of the first episode. I've spotted a few familiar faces in the cast in the first half.

Gave my SAC a job earlier just to see if he'd mouth off or not. He didn't. I guess he's taken the hint. Yeah I am running things relaxed and easy, but you only get that if when something needs done, you damn well do it without whining. And yes, if you are wondering ER he is a young guy.

Ash has been sleeping, so we have a small victory there. Alas Kristi is finding the house too quiet for her to get to sleep. For myself, I am wondering if she has overdosed on caffeine and that's left her unable to get to sleep. Shame I can't give her my tiredness. I could quite happily curl up in bed and sleep away.

Is it just me or do other people think that bed's feel warmer when it is all dark?

I wonder how CJ is doing? It's been 10, maybe 12 years since I last spoke to him. Maybe I should look him up and check he is doing ok.

Can't find my wallet. Going to pop into my work after we finish and see if I've left it in my drawer at work. Only other thing I can think of is that I might have lost it when I was down the gym last week doing my fitness test.

[chefzombie]

nah, no mysterious ninja past for me, my brother is the kung fu master. i just dated a chinese guy who had a really cool grandfather who would tell stories of his past as a ninja to his grandson's "little gaijeen" and showed me his uniforms. he laughed like a hyena when i asked if the padding  was to be able to pee on the battlefield and thought it was a great idea.
  unfortunately his wife was not about to have a gaijeen in the family, so bak dumped me and married his grandmother's choice instead. i'm far better off without him, lol!

[Alex]

Feeling frustrated tonight, and not because I can't figure out if someone really did get a foot amputated after a tiger bite in Africa or not. 

I think I mentioned a while ago that I sat down with Kristi and talked to her about our next move and the options for staying at Lossiemouth. I said I wanted her honest opinion and said, realistically my only chance of staying up here was to go on a squadron, but if I did that it would mean I would be spending at least half the year away and she'd have to deal with Ash on his own. I could get a post that wouldn't involve me going away as much, but that would mean moving.

After we talked she said that she would rather I was home more, even if it meant moving.

Well alright then. I then said no to a move to a squadron and have been chasing up any lead on any other posting that would suit us more. Today she told me that she'd only said that because she didn't think I wanted to go on a squadron. Well, true I don't. I absolutely hated every moment I was on 617 sqn and have no wish to re-enter that kind of environment. That may not have been the first step in my big bout of depression, but it was a big step on the path, but I could suck it up for 3 1/2 years. I've always said that when it comes time for me to decide to leave the air force, that is my choice. It isn't a normal job and it's my call when I decide I've had enough with the extra stuff I have to deal with over and above a normal job. On the other hand, when it comes to where I go and how that affects the rest of the family I am more than happy to sit down, talk about it and take other people's thoughts and feelings into account. If you tell me what you think I want to hear, that doesn't really help me pick something that is going to help the whole family or at least be the least worst option.

My laptop has been running slow tonight. I couldn't figure out why until I spotted the recycle bin has 20 gigs worth of data sitting in it. I'd been clearing stuff off of my portable hard drive and hadn't emptied the bin yet.

Keep getting exception Breakpoints though. Oh well, I am sure I'll sort it out.

[Alex]

When you write a ton of stuff at it just disappears not once, but twice in one night that can get pretty damn annoying.

Good job I have plenty of time to rewrite it all then. 

It's another quiet night. My second last one. Kristi got a quiet night with Ash last night, but tonight his sleep is troubled again. We are wondering if it is the sudden change to my schedule that's throwing him off. Hopefully, that's all it is now and when I am back on my normal hours next week he will also return to normal. A quick check over my shoulder confirms that no one is trying to steal the effing big plane sitting on the pan.

Listening to music tonight rather than watching a film. The idea was there that it would be less distracting for me to write. Hah. Well, that worked out well.

I haven't watched the news for several days now. Has Coronavirus went pandemic yet, or has someone found a miracle cure? I guess one way or another it is largely irrelevant if only because sooner or later there is going to be some infection that we fail to quarantine or find a cure for quickly and we will have a lot of deaths. All we are doing is batting it further down the road for a while.

There is a petition out to replace Amber Heard with Emilia Clarke. I am good with that. If it's true about her trying to manipulate people to wreck Depp's career and coming damn close I'd like to see her get what she deserves no matter how good her ass looks. Maybe it will be a warning to other people not to try the same thing. From what I hear though WB are in no hurry to dump her. I like Jason Momoa, but I'd still like people to boycott the next Aquaman if she is in it. People will overlook a lot from a pretty face though.

[Alex]

The hours are ticking down until I can get out of this place, and hopefully not have to come back. It hasn't been an overly arduous task, mostly sitting watching movies, listening to music and eating but I'll be glad to be back on my normal schedule. I thought I had enough clean issue tee-shirts to get me through the week, but I couldn't find one this afternoon, so I pulled out the only green tee-shirt I have in my wardrobe. It has Boba Fett plastered over the front of it, but since no one else is around and I am the man in charge, who is going to pull me up about being out of uniform? When I have the smock on over the top, no one can see the print anyway.

Ever noticed that back in his heyday Hulk Hogan was a seriously dirty player? The man cheated regularly, was a sore loser and was a generally bad sportsman. I wonder how he was ever viewed as pretty much the ultimate face?

Looking forward to being able to curl up in bed with Kristi at night again, even if she does steal all my body heat. Thermal vampires are a real thing folks, they live amongst us and they feed on our warmth. Hopefully, Ash won't be in our bed when I get home. He's slept one night in the last seven in his cot. The thought that it's my changed schedule that is messing with him has occurred to me and I am hoping that me being back when he is used to seeing me will help settle him again.

The plane is still sitting there unstolen. Doing my job then.

My camera operator was telling me he has been massively overpaid in his last pay statement. He asked me if he should just keep quiet about it and keep the money. I pointed out that they do audit our pay and sooner or later it will be picked up. Since we are required to check our pay statements are correct, if he doesn't report it then he can get done for fraud, lose his career and have to spend some time in military prison. I don't fancy doing time in there myself. There is a good reason why it has the lowest reoffending rate of any prison in the country. Hopefully, he'll take my advice, as much as keeping an extra couple of thousand pounds every week would be.

[Alex]

Back home and happy. Kristi made me breakfast and has just popped to the shop while I keep Ash amused. She is a good woman. Going to chill out with a four pack of beers and just enjoy that I'd don't need to work tonight.

Watched a low budget film last night called Grindhouse Nightmares. Its a collection of short movies, nothing overly special. Fair bit of nudity going on is its main selling point I guess, except the cast. Linnea Quigley, Michael Madsen, Brigit Neilson, Rik Mayell, Bill Moseley, Patrick Bergan, Buster Bloodvessel, Robin Askwith (ok, not sure if people from the US will have heard of the last two but they were famous in the UK some years back). Not one I'd recommend though unless you are a super fan of any of the above. Much of the big names is archive footage, but I assume they paid for it.

Watching another low budget one at the moment, again with a better cast than it should have. Its called VFW. Stephen Lang, Fred Williamson and George Wendt star. Its an Assault on Precinct 13 style movie, only with them defending a bar against junkies.

[Alex]

We spent the day in Inverness, shopping for Ash's birthday. Wow, almost two years already. We also decided deliberately to tire him out a bit, so we took him without his pram and had him walk about. By the end of the day, he was struggling a bit, but he did pretty well overall.

Anyway, I got him a set of action figures to go with some others he already has and some small vehicles for them. He already has some bigger tanks and a huge plane to go with them. Kristi got him a car carrying trailer truck and another thing which escapes my memory. We set a budget and actually came in below it.

Listening to the new Ozzy album. It isn't what I expected and it has some strong moments (not my usual thing but the song with Elton John works), but it isn't what I was hoping for. If it is going to be his last album then I am disappointed in it. Really not sure what is happening with the song where he screams varients of 'f**k' pretty much the whole way through.

And no parental advisory label anywhere to be seen. 

He does two songs with someone called Post Malone (including the one with all the swearing). I've heard the name, but I know nothing about his music. Maybe this is some attempt to be edgy and relevant. If so it fails.

Overall, I'd give 'Ordinary Man' 6 bat heads bitten off out of 10.

[Alex]

Some wars you win, some you lose. Sometimes you sign a humiliating surrender to an enemy who already attempted to surrender to you twice and you turned him down. That allows you to pull move a rarely performed manoeuvre known as snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

To all those brothers and sister in arms who lost their lives out there, I salute. Not much else I can do right now I am afraid. Your sacrifice should have meant more. You were all finer people than the ones who led you to war and never put themselves in danger, not in this conflict nor in any other but felt they had the right to send you instead while they played golf and boasted of being wartime leaders.

This song was written for a different conflict, but it feels right.


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[Alex]

Amused myself today by telling both Jim and Joe that they had bald patches going on. Neither of them do, but the day ended up with the pair of them taking photographs of each other's heads so they could check for themselves and convinced they could see evidence of thinning hair.

I suspect the extra worry and stress I've just given them though will speed them towards hair loss though.

It is the little things like that which cheer my dark heart up.

Going to speak again with my career's manager tomorrow, find out if my application for recruiting duties has advanced any. It needs to go to one department who will look at the number of people in my trade and decide if they can afford to release me from my primary job. If that passes, then it goes to the officer in charge of the AFCO who will look at it and decide if he wants to interview me for the role or not. Enough hoops to be jumped through that I think it is worthwhile having a second back up plan (indeed, I also have a third back up plan).

Still p**sed that Kristi told me she didn't want me to go on a squadron so we could remain here and then told me that she would be happy with me going on a squadron if it meant she got to stay here. If she'd been honest about that at the start I could have organised it. Now, I've got my mind set on not going to one and once I set myself on a course I find it hard to change tack. Guess it is part of my OCD. It takes a lot to get me to change my mind on pretty much anything.

Scotland has had it's first confirmed case of Coronavirus. I think across the whole of the UK we have something like 3 dozen cases. 90,000 cases worldwide and 3,000 fatalities. Numbers-wise, they reckon the worst-case scenario for the UK is that 80% of the population will catch it, with 500,000 deaths. Not sitting panicking about it, but I am making some basic preparations. Having an orange a day for the vitamin C boost and we have hand sanitizers. Kristi is going shopping this weekend and she'll pick up some remedies for the symptoms associated with it. Given she has asthma (as do most of the people I know in Utah. Pretty shocking how bad the air quality is there), I do have concerns about her catching it, more so than myself. Given the damage to my lungs from being around heavy smokers most of my life perhaps I should be more worried.

Yeah, cheers for that smokers. How about not lighting up around kids huh?

We may have mass cancellations of sporting events and so on. If they cancel my Ozzy gig I am going to be so p**sed. It's been almost 30 years since I last got to see him live.

[Alex]

Asked Joe this morning if aliens had landed on his head last night, as there appeared to be a crop circle there now. This triggered a whole day of Jim and Joe worrying once again about hair loss.

Damn, I am good.

Their panic was only slightly interrupted when Liz asked the room if anyone could smell something burning, followed by one of our strip lights exploding and smoke billowing down from the ceiling. Terry asked me to phone the fire section.

Now, I once before called to report a fire. What happens is you get connected to a central receptionist somewhere down in Manchester, who then asks a list of around 40 questions before then contacting the station fire brigade and sending t o wherever they think you've told them the fire is. The whole thing took maybe 10 minutes, maybe a bit longer.*

Imagine you are making that phone call and the building you are in is on fire...

Besides, if I look out the south window of our office I can see the fire station. It is literally on the other side of the road, so I walked over and told them about the situation. Anyway, it wasn't a fire but the smell forced us to evacuate the building for an hour. Terry wanted everyone to go wait in Costa's but I was the only other person who was up for that, and I couldn't go since ironically I had to go for my annual fire fighting brief.

The rest of the day passed in less dramatic fashion, although I did get caught in the middle of an argument between two sections over who was going to do a job I needed doing (they both argued it was the other's responsibility). I left them to it and eventually, one of them agreed to do it, although I had tee'd up my boss to step in and tell one of them to do it or else if required. Since both section reps are the same level as me I couldn't just order them to do it).

I really have little patience or concern for such petty office politics and there are people higher up than me who are paid for that kind of meddling.


*If you are wondering why, it is a cost-saving thing. One of many the government foists on us that endangers lives.

[Alex]

Sitting in the train station waiting for our train to arrive (in about 40 minutes). I am shamelessly piggybacking onto the nearby Asda's free WiFi while we wait. We'd planned on leaving the house at 16:00, getting the bus and then having a meal in Elgin before going for the train, but Joe spotted us walking along and offered us a lift which while nice also put us way ahead of schedule.

I like taking the train and watching the scenery go past. Funny that not so long ago these were parts of the country that hardly anyone would ever see. Remote and almost inaccessible. Now they have train lines and roads running right through them.

Ah, to see some patch of land that no other human had ever set eyes on before. That would've a fine thing.

Giving the new and improved gig jacket it's first run out, make sure the patches all stay put. A few badges (I believe you call them pins stateside) have came off, but I am less worried about them. Getting quite a few stares as I walk around in my colours. Some of my exes really wanted me to stop wearing black all the time, telling me that blue jeans and a white tee shirt would really set off my eyes and have the ladies drooling over me. Frankly, if there was a woman so shallow as to only be interested in me based on the clothes I wear, then I don't want her.

So here we are, preparing to brave Friday night travel. As the workers heading home and the kids heading out fade, only to be replaced by drunks wandering around. Two people have already raised my hackles tonight. One was a drunk standing in the doorway of the cafe we went to who wouldn't move to one side to let people in. The other was some guy with a beard who was so busy typing on his phone that he nearly walking into Ash. My mouth was open to shout at him as he wandered across the pavement, zig zagging but just at that moment he looked up and quickly stepped to the side. Just as well really. I am not sure how far I'd go if someone hurt Ash like that, but based on things so far, it wouldn't go well for the other person. Amazing just how protective those little people make us.

[Alex]

It was after midnight before we got to my mums this morning. Most of the trip had been quiet until we got to Glasgow and the train was filled with drunks heading home.

Or in one guys case passing out in the vestibule and doubtless waking up somewhere totally random and wondering how the hell he got there.

We sat with mum and Elizabeth for a few hours and had a few drinks before heading up to bed. Today, we took them out for a meal. I picked up a copy of the soundtrack to Kelly's Heroes on vinyl. We could see mum was getting tired though so we didn't stay out too long. Funnily enough, when we got home, everyone but her went for a nap.

All the shops are sold out of hand sanitiser. As if that alone will protect them from picking up a virus. I would imagine there is a thriving trade in them, somewhat overpriced on ebay too because even in the face of a pandemic, people will still look to make money out of it. Some times it amazes me that we've made it this far as a species.

Sitting having a few beers with my brother just now. We are looking forward to the gig tomorrow, as long as no one mentions the support act. A little Zappa goes a long way. In our case, once is enough for a life time.

[chefzombie]

sounds like mum is doing pretty well,that's awesome! say hi to everyone for me! and dn't get arrested please, i don't have enough bail money to go international, lol!