A.J. Reviews Criterion Movies

Olivia Bauer · April 22, 2019, 08:39:36 AM

This will be where I post my opinions on individual Criterion films. This top post will be for all of the movies I've seen and their out of ten rating and ranking. I will edit it after each film.

1) Funny Games (10/10)
2) Brazil (10/10)
3) Rosemary's Baby (10/10)
4) The Piano Teacher (9/10)
5) I, Daniel Blake (9/10)
6) Antichrist (9/10)
7) Being John Malkovich (9/10)
8) Fantastic Mr. Fox (8/10)
9) Fantastic Planet (8/10)
10) The Fisher King (8/10)
11) Bowling for Columbine (8/10)
12) Pan's Labyrinth (7/10)
13) Stalker (7/10)
14) Watership Down (6/10)
15) Night of the Living Dead (5/10)

Olivia Bauer · April 22, 2019, 08:54:06 AM

Fantastic Planet (1973)

The first thing I watched after getting my Criterion Channel subscription. It's an animated French film directed by René Laloux.
The film takes place on a planet called Ygam, which is ruled by an alien race known as the Draags. The planet is very large as well as
its inhabitants. In fact, Humans (Which are referred to as "Oms" by the Draags) are the size of insects by comparison.
The Draags often enslave Oms as pets or train them for specific purposes. However wild Oms are seen as vermin to be exterminated.

It's an incredibly disturbing movie where Oms must survive in this massive world without being eaten by giant monsters or exterminated by Draags.
It also gives us a taste of Draag politics. It's not super subtle but it's clear that Draags themselves are an analogy for real life humans and the way we treat
what we see as lesser beings.

I had a lot of fun watching it and I give it a high recommendation.

9/10

Olivia Bauer · April 22, 2019, 09:14:07 AM

Stalker (1979)

Oh boy. I am not looking forward to talking about this one. If you love this movie you might not appreciate this review.
Let's get on with it.

So, it's a Russian movie directed by Andrei Tarkovsky. It's about a man simply known as "Stalker" who is paid to escort two men
through a place called "The Zone". Somewhere in the Zone is a place called "The Room" (I know what you're thinking, Hardy har har).
The Room is a place that is capable of granting the wishes of whoever enters it.

Look, it's a good movie by pretty much any metric. It's well written and contains some very thought provoking philosophical musings.
I really did enjoy it sometimes and I was impressed by the cinematography and atmosphere. When they're wandering through the Zone it does an
amazing job at making me tense up and fill me with a sense of foreboding dread. It's masterfully done.

...but I couldn't get into it. I tried so damn hard. I read critic reviews and agreed with them and I understand why people like it. But I didn't.
There are many shots that are extremely long where nothing really happens. I get that it's trying to build up atmosphere to but to me it felt like pointless fluff.
I just constantly kept thinking "Get to the f**king point already". I feel like a caveman and I am disappointed in myself. Maybe it's just my ADHD but there were
just too many points in this movie where I felt super bored. I even turned it off with only ten minutes left because I just couldn't force myself to care.

If you love this movie then I am very sorry but I just couldn't do it. ~~I can't even give this a rating~~. Maybe in the future I'll give it another chance but I just couldn't
get into it.

7/10

---

Retroactively rating Stalker a seven. Not because I rewatched it. I don't really plan on that ever. It's a very well made movie but still painfully boring.
Sorry I'm a knuckle-dragging caveman but I just can't stand the long shots where nothing happens.

Olivia Bauer · April 22, 2019, 09:27:30 AM

Antichrist (2009)

My reaction to everything in this movie: OH GOD OH F**K OH GOD OH F**K

This is the most disturbing movie I have EVER seen. Holy crap.
So it's directed by Lars von Trier. This was my first Lars Von Trier film ever. He's a very controversial director from what I've heard.
I was definitely curious to see what all the fuss was about.
Yeah, I see why he's controversial. I can't even give you a plot synopsis. If I say anything about the movie's story I'll spoil it.
I'm not kidding. This is going to be my most vague review of anything ever.

I can't even tell you what about this movie was shocking without spoiling it. But there was one specific scene that made me actually say, out loud, by myself:
"OH GOD! OH MY F**KING GOD! AHHH!". I scared my dog.
Uh, it's got some deep symbolism and it was fun to analyze but. Wow. Yeah you kinda have to interpret it for yourself.

But let me tell you, if you're the least bit squeamish, DO NOT WATCH THIS. Even I was horrified.
It's a great art house film but it's not for the feint of heart.

9/10

---

And now for something completely different:

Lars Von Trier being an idiot and getting banned from Cannes.

(Warning: The cringiest thing you'll ever see)

Rev. Powell · April 22, 2019, 09:46:14 AM

FANTASTIC PLANET is great, but I didn't find it disturbing. Watch it for the animation style (and the soundtrack).

If you didn't like STALKER you probably won't like any Tarkovsky movies (maybe SOLARIS if you use the fast forward). You have to really be in the mood and prepared to watch a Tarkovsky film.

Agreed about ANTICHRIST. Worth seeing but prepare yourself. It really is horrifying.

Good choices.

Olivia Bauer · April 22, 2019, 11:05:13 AM

Quote from: Rev. Powell on April 22, 2019, 09:46:14 AM
FANTASTIC PLANET is great, but I didn't find it disturbing.

The way human beings died in that movie were in ways that we wouldn't even blink if they were ants. It got to me.

bob · April 22, 2019, 06:03:33 PM

Quote from: A.J. Bauer on April 22, 2019, 09:27:30 AM
Antichrist (2009)

My reaction to everything in this movie: OH GOD OH F**K OH GOD OH F**K

This is the most disturbing movie I have EVER seen. Holy crap.
So it's directed by Lars von Trier. This was my first Lars Von Trier film ever. He's a very controversial director from what I've heard.
I was definitely curious to see what all the fuss was about.
Yeah, I see why he's controversial. I can't even give you a plot synopsis. If I say anything about the movie's story I'll spoil it.
I'm not kidding. This is going to be my most vague review of anything ever.

I can't even tell you what about this movie was shocking without spoiling it. But there was one specific scene that made me actually say, out loud, by myself:
"OH GOD! OH MY F**KING GOD! AHHH!". I scared my dog.
Uh, it's got some deep symbolism and it was fun to analyze but. Wow. Yeah you kinda have to interpret it for yourself.

But let me tell you, if you're the least bit squeamish, DO NOT WATCH THIS. Even I was horrified.
It's a great art house film but it's not for the feint of heart.

10/10

---

And now for something completely different:

Lars Von Trier being an idiot and getting banned from Cannes.

(Warning: The cringiest thing you'll ever see)

I've never been able to see William H Macy the same way after seeing him in Antichrist

Rev. Powell · April 22, 2019, 06:29:41 PM

Quote from: bob on April 22, 2019, 06:03:33 PM

I've never been able to see William H Macy the same way after seeing him in Antichrist

I think you mean Willem Dafoe.

Rev. Powell · April 22, 2019, 06:32:14 PM

Quote from: A.J. Bauer on April 22, 2019, 09:27:30 AM

Lars Von Trier being an idiot and getting banned from Cannes.

(Warning: The cringiest thing you'll ever see)

Kirsten Dunst's reaction is perfect.

Olivia Bauer · April 22, 2019, 07:22:45 PM

Quote from: Rev. Powell on April 22, 2019, 06:29:41 PM
Quote from: bob on April 22, 2019, 06:03:33 PM

I've never been able to see William H Macy the same way after seeing him in Antichrist

I think you mean Willem Dafoe.

Yeah, I was gonna say.

Quote from: Rev. Powell on April 22, 2019, 06:32:14 PM
Quote from: A.J. Bauer on April 22, 2019, 09:27:30 AM

Lars Von Trier being an idiot and getting banned from Cannes.

(Warning: The cringiest thing you'll ever see)

Kirsten Dunst's reaction is perfect.

"Somebody please shoot me."

bob · April 23, 2019, 09:01:11 AM

my mistake ---- in my defense, I've only seen Antichrist once and am still recovering from a cold a student gave me a ew weeks ago

Olivia Bauer · November 03, 2019, 07:37:57 AM

Funny Games (1997)

Been a while since I've made one of these, huh? I don't have a whole lot of money to be honest. Thankfully the Criterion sale is going on at Barnes and Noble right now. Blu-rays are only $20 and I recommend picking some up. Anyway, onto the review.

This is my first Michael Haneke film ever and I'm glad I picked this one to start. I was on edge for the entire film, hoping for the family to escape, playing right into what the director wanted me to feel.

As indicated by the director interview on the Criterion edition of the film, Haneke intentionally wanted to make this film controversial. While I strongly disagree with the people who dislike the film, it's clear to me that the film would be lesser if it didn't have detractors. Haneke explicitly didn't want a movie as universally beloved as The Piano Teacher.
It intentionally reminds you of your role as an audience member and Haneke got the reaction out of me he exactly intended.

An absolute masterpiece made by a genius director, and officially one of my favorite films.

10/10

Olivia Bauer · November 03, 2019, 07:44:56 AM

I picked up two Blu-rays at Barnes and Noble during the November Criterion sale. I wish I had more money, otherwise I'd pick more up.
Maybe I can talk Dad into getting some for himself.

Anywho, I've got another Criterion review coming. The second film I picked up is Bowling For Columbine by controversial documentarian, Michael Moore.
I have yet to see a single documentary by Moore but holy s**t does his reputation proceed him. I mostly just know him for his bizarre parody in Team America: World Police.

I'm not sure what to expect but we'll see.

Olivia Bauer · November 03, 2019, 04:07:33 PM

Bowling for Columbine (1997)

So I watched Bowling for Columbine and thought it was pretty good. Moore and I clearly have the same opinion on gun control.
It definitely knew how to tug on your heartstrings using music among other things, and it's clear Moore did his homework.
I was pretty amazed by the montage where he plays "What a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong and all the horrific things the US is responsible for.
The cartoon about the history of racism in the US was pretty funny and informative.

I will say that there's a couple of scenes that were a little off. Apparently there's more to the process of getting a gun through a bank than depicted.
And by using Charlton Heston's "cold dead hands" speech before discussing the Denver NRA convention it made it look as if that's where the speech happened.
I don't think they were intentionally deceitful but it makes it a little harder to sway certain opinions.

Overall, I liked it. It's far from my favorite Criterion film, but it certain isn't the worst one. It was interesting to finally see a Moore documentary.
I guess it's a good thing I got it with Funny Games because they both highlight the value that a controversial and polarizing film can have.
Movies that make you think are more important than the ones that just make you feel good.

8/10

chefzombie · November 04, 2019, 11:57:15 PM

a.j. my friend, do you have an ebay account? i get used criterion movies there at very good prices. if you don't have an account, i'd be happy to help you get set up! :)