RECENT VIEWINGS (Bad Movie Thread!)

[zombie no.one]

THE SUBSTANCE (2024)

wanted to like it. trailer was promising. deliberately avoided reading or watching anything else...

lasted 45 minutes of the 2hr 15 mins before shouting at the screen. and I spent £12 on the dvd too. not bothered that I will never see the apparently 'crazy' ending. everything about this (save for the special fx of the body transmorph thing) was utter drivel.

Demi Moore is actually okay, but the kind of insanely horrible deliberate overacting on display here from Dennis Quaid and every supporting actor drove me nuts. I cannot put into words how much I despise this kind of big wacky overacting. plus a rubbish gimmicky, kooky script, and also vast stretches of boring nothingness. I swear at least 10 minutes of the 45 I endured was Demi Moore walking across town to a house, with nothing else going on.

horrible music too... disappointed in myself for thinking it would be good.

[zombie no.one]

ANNABELLE COMES HOME (2019)

saw the first ANNABELLE and thought it was boring. accidentally saw one sequel (prequel? set in the past iirc) which was surprisingly decent.

This was boring again. it's clearly aimed at 14 yr old girls. It's just a bunch of girls running around a house, with zero scares.  There's also a major problem... after the first 10 minutes there is no doll... they forgot about the doll! in a scary possessed doll movie... bro....

also yet another film swamped in permanent green/brown murky cam vision. why do they all do this?

losing faith in new horror totally at this juncture.... someone needs to do  something

[LilCerberus]

Tonight's Stinker
Horror Rises from the Tomb (1973)
https://youtu.be/fvAOzMCvLpE?si=qAO9lFbFaurMeomZ

The naughty bits have been edited for television, but not the gory bits...

So, in 1400s France, a warlock & his wife are executed, but not before they can place a curse on their captures...
Cut to present day Paris, a painter is having visions, while his manager takes their girlfriends to a séance, where they try to find out where the warlock is buried.... The spirit reveals the graveyard, which the manager conveniently happens to own, which is a secluded place up in the mountains.....
On the way there, they get carjacked, leaving them stranded...

The rest, I'm not even going to try to explain, as the plot wonders all over the place, even crossing different genres.....

[M.10rda]

Great bouncing dead body in HRFTT...! Terrible fake corpses were kind of a motif in Naschy flicks. 

[claws]

I swear at least 10 minutes of the 45 I endured was Demi Moore walking across town to a house, with nothing else going on.

She almost won an Oscar for that! Can you believe this? 

[zombie no.one]

if it's in the category for 'most amount of ground covered on foot by a brunette in a sci-fi body horror', then would be well deserved imo.

feel like I really got carried away negatively in those last 2 reviews. I've calmed down a bit now 

[LordGraal]

Starcrash (1978)

Recently rewatched this in HD after seeing it many times on TV in the 80's, VHS and DVD.  Even when I first saw it as a teen I appreciated how much the director, effects crew and designers were trying.  Obviously they didn't have the time, budget, equipment and experience to achieve what they envisaged.  But they tried 100% and it shows even though it mostly doesn't work. 

You can't just stick model kit bits onto a surface without taking into account some sort of function.  People will notice the Saturn V or Space 1999 sections on your spaceship.  I have to admire how model movement is achieved by pushing them along rails then masking out the person pushing the model and the rail.  It's the kind of thing you'd try as a youngster.  Spraying all of the models silver then lighting them via coloured gels.  Bizarre but the colours are fantastic along with the star fields.  You can't fault how colourful the film is.

The stop motion is mostly clunky but occasionally pretty good.  And the light sabres/laser swords are actually done very well.

I've read reviews saying how crap the film is to the point of derogatory.  But I don't think these writers appreciate what Cozzi was trying to achieve or his personality which is obvious throughout the film.  Sure it's the studio trying for a cash grab in the wake of Star Wars, but I can appreciate Cozzi's vision. 

The terrible dialogue, mad plotting and ludicrous/absence of science makes it a bad film.  But they tried and it shows, which is to be admired  

[M.10rda]

I'm just gonna' post my Bad Recent Viewings haikus here, since no one visits the poetry board anymore!

BONES (2000): 1/5
Sex trafficker's ghost
Played by real sex trafficker:
As fun as that sounds.

[M.10rda]

WILSON (2017):

Clowes films all the same:
Sad angry men, s*at upon.
But WILSON ends well!

Woody Harrelson
Looks tiny next to Laura
Dern; and Judy Greer!

Always thought he was
A bigger guy; maybe dank
Nugs make you shrivel?

2.5/5

[Rev. Powell]

The idea is cool,
But if you don't know the flick
They don't make much sense.

[M.10rda]

Yeah.  Still it keeps me from posting three long paragraphs.

[zombie no.one]

Starcrash (1978)

Recently rewatched this in HD after seeing it many times on TV in the 80's, VHS and DVD.  Even when I first saw it as a teen I appreciated how much the director, effects crew and designers were trying.  Obviously they didn't have the time, budget, equipment and experience to achieve what they envisaged.  But they tried 100% and it shows even though it mostly doesn't work. 

You can't just stick model kit bits onto a surface without taking into account some sort of function.  People will notice the Saturn V or Space 1999 sections on your spaceship.  I have to admire how model movement is achieved by pushing them along rails then masking out the person pushing the model and the rail.  It's the kind of thing you'd try as a youngster.  Spraying all of the models silver then lighting them via coloured gels.  Bizarre but the colours are fantastic along with the star fields.  You can't fault how colourful the film is.

The stop motion is mostly clunky but occasionally pretty good.  And the light sabres/laser swords are actually done very well.

I've read reviews saying how crap the film is to the point of derogatory.  But I don't think these writers appreciate what Cozzi was trying to achieve or his personality which is obvious throughout the film.  Sure it's the studio trying for a cash grab in the wake of Star Wars, but I can appreciate Cozzi's vision. 

The terrible dialogue, mad plotting and ludicrous/absence of science makes it a bad film.  But they tried and it shows, which is to be admired   

only seen it once, but definitely in the so-bad-it's-good category...

it reminded me of one of those youtube vids where someone has condensed an entire movie down into 45 seconds keeping just the wacky / crucial / funniest bits, except the entire film was like that 

[LordGraal]

Starcrash (1978)

Recently rewatched this in HD after seeing it many times on TV in the 80's, VHS and DVD.  Even when I first saw it as a teen I appreciated how much the director, effects crew and designers were trying.  Obviously they didn't have the time, budget, equipment and experience to achieve what they envisaged.  But they tried 100% and it shows even though it mostly doesn't work. 

You can't just stick model kit bits onto a surface without taking into account some sort of function.  People will notice the Saturn V or Space 1999 sections on your spaceship.  I have to admire how model movement is achieved by pushing them along rails then masking out the person pushing the model and the rail.  It's the kind of thing you'd try as a youngster.  Spraying all of the models silver then lighting them via coloured gels.  Bizarre but the colours are fantastic along with the star fields.  You can't fault how colourful the film is.

The stop motion is mostly clunky but occasionally pretty good.  And the light sabres/laser swords are actually done very well.

I've read reviews saying how crap the film is to the point of derogatory.  But I don't think these writers appreciate what Cozzi was trying to achieve or his personality which is obvious throughout the film.  Sure it's the studio trying for a cash grab in the wake of Star Wars, but I can appreciate Cozzi's vision. 

The terrible dialogue, mad plotting and ludicrous/absence of science makes it a bad film.  But they tried and it shows, which is to be admired   

only seen it once, but definitely in the so-bad-it's-good category...

it reminded me of one of those youtube vids where someone has condensed an entire movie down into 45 seconds keeping just the wacky / crucial / funniest bits, except the entire film was like that 

Starcrash and The Humanoid are my favourite Italian Star Wars cash-ins.  The Humanoid particularly as I saw it at the cinema and it's a cut above Starcrash in terms of photogrpahy, locations, sets and costumes.  The effects are also more accomplished so it's a shame they didn't make anymore films of this type.

[LilCerberus]

Tonight's Stinker
The Sword of the Barbarians (1982)
https://youtu.be/BDPSjiKuSnw?si=JkG8JCTPFErGhQpN

Italian Sword & sandal flick, with some goofy gore & gratuitous nudity....
Opens with a long narrative, which (for me) distracted from what was happening on screen.... I got the gist that a warlord wiped out the hero, but while he was a baby, then he grows up to lead a group of people around the country side looking for a place to settle down...
He finds a place, but it's already occupied by peaceful villagers who take them in, and a warlord who's goddess demands revenge after the hero kills some of his goons...
Confused yet? There's also some tension between the hero's girlfriend & the daughter of the chief that takes them in....
The warlord comes back & destroys the village & kills the girlfriend, but the chief's daughter escapes, they meet an Asian archer & a quest begins....

I have a headache, and I blame this movie... 

[LordGraal]

Tonight's Stinker
The Sword of the Barbarians (1982)
https://youtu.be/BDPSjiKuSnw?si=JkG8JCTPFErGhQpN

Italian Sword & sandal flick, with some goofy gore & gratuitous nudity....
Opens with a long narrative, which (for me) distracted from what was happening on screen.... I got the gist that a warlord wiped out the hero, but while he was a baby, then he grows up to lead a group of people around the country side looking for a place to settle down...
He finds a place, but it's already occupied by peaceful villagers who take them in, and a warlord who's goddess demands revenge after the hero kills some of his goons...
Confused yet? There's also some tension between the hero's girlfriend & the daughter of the chief that takes them in....
The warlord comes back & destroys the village & kills the girlfriend, but the chief's daughter escapes, they meet an Asian archer & a quest begins....

I have a headache, and I blame this movie... 

God I miss Italian cash-in's in the late 70's early 80's