Let's write a bad movie script together!

[pacman000]

(Goodman & Wang drive & drive & drive through the desert, while futuristic synth music plays. A narrator adds to the tension, when we can hear him over the synth music.)

Narrator: Where is Wang taking Goodman? Is he going to explain to him from where the monsters have come? Will Wang explain about the Hippos? Will Wang explain to Goodman, who does not know the plan, about the plan?

As they cross over the sands, the shifting desert sands, the sands that have blown to the Sahara over thousands of, millions of years, is Wang saying anything? He must be; he must be filling Goodman's head about Hippos, & plans, & plans for Hippos. As they drive hours & hours over the shifting ancient sands Wang explains; he explains all; he explains everything!

But how will Goodman react? Will he forgive? Will he take Wang to task for his part in the plan & the hippos? Of course he will! But, will they be able to continue, or will Goodman's reaction end their journey, their endless trek over endless sands, sands that have been here for a millennia or more?

He must! For they must continue! They must continue till they reach their destination, over the sands, sands, sands, the sands worshiped by the Pharoses, crossed by the Israelites, fought for by the Ottomans, Romans, & Alexander the Great! There's but one question left: Where? Where is Wang taking Goodman? And what plans do they have when they get there?

[indianasmith]

Finally, after several hours of driving and earnest discussions, they reach their destination: the only MacDonald's in the Black Desert!
Goodman orders two double quarter pounders with cheese and fries as they plot their next move . . . for another 20 minutes.

[Trevor]

Bruce Reeee screams as he wasn't given any Macdonalds 😳🐸

[pacman000]

Suddenly, a Hippo bursts through the McDonalds wall!

[indianasmith]

Goodman singlehandedly lifts a plastic Ronald McDonald Prop and throws it into the hippo's mouth as it prepares to devour a small child coming down the slide; as the hippo chomps on the doll (it is clearly a hippo sock puppet and a Happy Meal toy Ronald), he grabs a deep fryer full of grease and dumps it on the hippo's head.  There is an ungodly screech as the burned hippo turns tail and bursts through the wall on the opposite side.  Goodman waves his hat over his head and shrieks in triumph:  "You want fries with that, you Sausage McMuffin with legs???"

[chainsaw midget]

Wang is on the phone with somebody.  It's an old fashioned 80s cell phone.  The audience only hears his side of the conversation, but it sounds like he's plotting something bad.

[bob]

Then a ghost appears! It starts to dance, confusing Wang. The ghost then disappears. This is never mentioned again.

[chainsaw midget]

Who Flung Dung has just touched down in his helicopter (a cheap plastic model.)  He has a discussion with with Faro Ali and Wu Sun Cheng where he reveals that he's "So close. He just needs more time!"  They all agree with time is absolutely of the essence, so then they go flirt with Sarah Goodchest at the local cantina. 

Bruce Reeee shows up and after several ethnic slurs, implies their mothers do perverted things with diseased dogs.

[indianasmith]

At this point, Who Flung, Faro Ali, and Wu Sun Cheng all take on Bruce Reeee in a slow-motion kung fu fight set to "I Had the Time of My Life" from Dirty Dancing as all the bar patrons sing along.  Inexplicably, the song is played in the wrong key.

[chainsaw midget]

Cut back to Goodman who is now riding a hippo like a bucking bronco, compete with cowboy hat.

[indianasmith]

The hippo charges towards the Nile river, still bellowing in pain, with Goodman on its back.  Other hippos come charging to the aid of their comrade, and with one might bucking lunge, Goodman is propelled through the air head over heels (the tumbling form is clearly that of a GI Joe doll), and lands on top of the Sphinx's head, with a surging herd of hippos trying to climb the ancient monument and get at him.  He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a rocket launcher . . . .

[chainsaw midget]

We see an obvious toy Hippo explode. 

Cut to a scene in a bar, where Sara Goodchest and Wang and bandaging up Goodman. 

"And then you pulled out a bazooka?" Faro Ali questions him in disbelief. 

Goodman insists that that's exactly what happened.  Wang tries to play it off, saying that he must have hit his head a few times. 

Goodman says he's perfectly in his right mind and thinking clearly.  He then downs an entire bottle of Scotch. 

Bubba Ho-Tep says that if what he's heard is true then they don't have much time left.  He then jumps on a motorcycle and leaves to go gather an irrational angry mob.

[pacman000]

Cue stock footage montage of angry mobs, followed by stock footage of angry hippos, followed by stock footage of cities during war times, colorized.

[Trevor]

Cue stock footage montage of angry mobs, followed by stock footage of angry hippos, followed by stock footage of cities during war times, colorized.

The colorization makes both Bruce Reeee and Trevor a bit 😳😳😉

[pacman000]

Most likely it's just tinting & toning. I'm cheap, & won't pay for complex frame-by-frame painting. :)

This was inspired by some '60's films which tried to keep using WWII stock footage.