What Fools These Mortals Be!

[Cullen]

Slasher sequels.  Shakespeare.  Fangoria reports.

Excuse me.  I think I'm going to get drunk now.  Very, very drunk.

This should be a stoning offense.  It really should.

Edit - 9-23-02: When I first read the article, I read "film" instead of "novel."  Which means that, technically, this post is on the wrong site.  Up until some genius adapts the film, of course.

Beyond that, I hold to everything I've said.
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[Foywonder]

I can't wait to see A MIDSUMMER NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET!

Don't forget HENRY VIII: HENRY TAKES WESTMINSTER!

Ooooh....what about OTHELLORAISER?

[Cullen]

DON'T HELP THEM!

Although, A Midsummer Nightmare On Elm Street is kind of funny...

NO!  Must be strong!  Mustn't give in!
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Honestly, though, it's books like this that give me hope as a writer.  If someone's willing to publish crap like that, then they'll love my crap.

Wait.  That didn't come out right...
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[Squishy]

"The Denmark Nailgun Massacre: Hamlet's Revenge"
"Rosencrantz & Leatherface"
"Macbeth Has Risen From The Grave"

[Susan]

Twelfth Night of the Living Dead

[raj]

Death Merchant of Venice
Henry the Fifth: Portrait of a Serial Killer.
Troma & Juliet (oops, already taken)

[Lee]

They should let you guys write them! The titles alone sound great.

[Dano]

Oth-Hellraiser-o

MacDeath

[Foywonder]

Hey! I already did that one! Quit copying from my paper! :)

[jmc]

The Killing of the Shrew
Much Adeath About Nothing
The Comedy of Terrors

King Lear is gory enough as-is.  I believe there's a pretty good eye-gouging scene in there.

[Cullen]

jmc writes:

"King Lear is gory enough as-is. I believe there's a pretty good eye-gouging scene in there."

There is one (count 'em) one eye gouging scene in Lear .  Tame stuff

In Macbeth , Macbeth is decapitated, and the hero, Macduff, carries this “trophy” on stage at the end.

In Titus Andronicus [/i] there are mutilations left, right, up, down, and in-between.  One character is fed her own children.  This play is Slasher Shakespheare.

[Brock]

The Merchant of Menace
Macdeath
The Maiming of the Shrew
13th Night: or What you Kill
A Midsummer Night's Scream

You know, this'd be easier if they were just making these into trashy teen romance novels.  I mean, with all the gender bending in Shakespeare, writing "As You Dyke It" would be soooo easy......

[peter johnson]

Jeez, Cullen, please don't sell Lear short:
Insane King driven out onto the moors to starve & die, but only his sick, mentally retarded withered fool succumbs.
One of his trusted henchmen is having it off with 2 of his daughters.  One daughter poisons her sister & orders the strangulation of her other sister.  She in turn eviscerates herself, after Lear has disembowled the slave that hung the other sister.  Lear himself dies of grief & shock, all his daughters & their lovers die or are horribly killed.  His trusted servant ends the play with a promise to commit suicide & follow his master, Lear.  I'm sure I left someone out somewhere . . .
peter johnson

[J.R.]

I remeber being in a bookstore about five years ago and seeing a paperback aimed at teenagers based on the Halloween series about a couple kids that break into the Myers house. Seemed a bad idea then and it still does. THat said, here are my titles-

As You Like It...IN HELL!

A Comedy Of Errors Part 2: Laughing To Death

[Squishy]

I'll break topic for a sec to push my favorite Shakespeare adaptations--"Throne of Blood" (Macbeth) and "Ran" (King Lear), directed by Akira Kurosawa. Toshiro Mifune as Macbeth! BAM! "Titus" was on Bravo the other night, but sadly I did not catch it. I'll have to rent...

Anyway:

"Ballistic: Romeo vs. Juliet"
"Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Hamlet" ("Eat them, damned Dane!!" "Nay! I shalt not eat them on the throne! I shalt not eat them off a scone!")
"Look What's Happened To Lady Macbeth"
"Taming of the Killer Shrews"