Marabunta and Blood Surf

[Andrew]

I suffered through one hour of commercials to watch three hours of bad movies on SciFi today.  At present, I am not fit to try and comment on both movies, so here goes with the one just finished:  "Marabunta."

Army Ants invade Alaska.

*Ahem*

Yes, a swarm of hungry ants that only live in the tropics has come to Alaska.  This is explained by a moderately active volcano causing the ground to warm.  Also, an entomologist is conveniently (nod to AndyC) visiting his buddy to do some salmon fishing.  So, the perfect person to recognize and possibly combat the ants is on hand.

There are lots of contrivances to keep the plot in line.  There is a quake cutting the phone lines, the stubborn old farmer who will not evacuate, people getting hurt so that they can not flee fast enough, a truck that will not start - the list goes on.

The ants display amazing coordination in a number of attacks.  When they get the helicopter pilot you can almost here them go, "One, two, three - GET HIM!"

Also, since when can eighteen sticks of dynamite rupture an earthen damn fifty feet across and thirty foot high?  Especially when the dynamite is only planted about six inches deep into the ground.

Honestly, the movie has big issues.  Not the least of which is an entomologist who believes that ants, having been in the area for ten years, only have one queen on hand.

Lessons Learned:
Carbon dioxide dissolves ants.
Nobody ever uses the emergency exit on a school bus.
Army ants can survive Alaskan winters if they are inside of tropical logs.
Ironically, ants sometimes catch their prey in the same was as an ant lion.

[Squishy]

Hey, you passed up my old thread! ("Mondo Mutant Monstaa Madness Marabunta!")

On the West Coast, "Marabunta!" hasn't come on yet--but I've already suffered its pain and madness...that stubborn old farmer won't even get up when the ants start bitin'; maybe their combined weight is keeping him down?

I'm just finishing up my first viewing of "Blood Surf," and while it's stupid and predictible (save for the frequent "Huh?" moment), and the croc-prop isn't going to completely fool anyone, I'm impressed by its range of motion and detail; much better than his cousins in the "Alligator" movies.

Heh heh heh--the "hero" had an explosive already baited with a goat head, and decided to instead use himself to lure the croc into a deathtrap that involves blowing up an ancient temple. I was rooting for the croc, but he just sat on a big tack. :(

[John]

>Also, since when can eighteen sticks of dynamite rupture an earthen damn fifty
>feet across and thirty foot high?

 It looked more like a hill to me. Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't dams built across bodies of water like lakes and rivers? The side of the hill they were on didn't look like it'd ever been under water. Not to mention that judging by the shots of the truck on the road at the top, the thing must have been about 200 feet thick. Finally, if you look closely after the last batch of dynomite goes off, it shows water rushing past broken concrete, an obvious indicator that they lifted the flood scenes from another film.

[Squishy]

Idiot: "What was that?"
Other Idiot: "They must have blown the pass early."
Another Idiot: "Well, they must have had a good reason."
Tom Servo: "Yeah--they don't like you!"

"Marabunta" screeeeeeeems for MST3K treatment. I forget exactly how blowing up the pass was supposed to stop ants, but then, I don't have a clue if the campy "witty banter" between hero Idiot and heroine Another Idiot was actually intended to be more irritating than ant bites.

Things I Learned From "Marabunta:"
--No matter how far you travel, even in a vehicle, ants can teleport so that they're three minutes behind you.
--Ants not only strip meat from the bone, they bleach the bone white.
--Ants gather around a target, then wait for a cue--like their victim looking up and seeing them--to all attack at once.
--Ants can actually drag a human being deep down into their nest.

[Fearless Freep]

I saw bits of both of these, but the baseball playoffs were on so I didn't  really get into them much. I just filed the names away for future reference.

I *did* see what had to be one of the dumbest moves in the movie ("Blood Surf"), if  not in movie history. When the last three survivors are trying to sneak past the (sleeping?) croc and the one girl goes nuts and starts kicking the croc and screaming at it...well the results were pretty obvious :)   All I could think of after that (other than just how stupid that was) was an earlier scene where she talks about  some guy (John?) giving up his life for her. Way to go, girl.  Some guy dies for you, and you throw away any meaning in his sacrifice by being an idiot

Sci-Fi also showed Aligator, Aligator II, and Arachnid that day; a veritable all day  MonsterFest

[Andrew]

Sorry Squishy, I was using alcohol for its medical properties and that did not help.  For anyone interested, Squishy did predict the outcome here:
http://www.badmovies.org/bbs/read.php?f=2&i=23360&t=23360

The special effects in "Marabunta" were sometimes decent, but many times they sunk into "Ants - The Screensaver" territory.  I would not have be surprised to see a flying toaster.

"Blood Surf" was also awful.  The CGI shark fins breaking the waves as those two idiots surfed.  The really annoying bleached blonde surfer (Katie said, "Look, he is trying to be Matthew Lillard!") was in full force.  The unexpected rebel or criminal group, who, for some reason, had a floodlight set up in a convenient place were really annoying.  Then the good guys turned the tables, which annoyed me further.

Last, but not least (and definitely not all - I missed lots), is the crocodile.  One minute it will go in the water near the temple (the native girl), the next it just sits there.   It displayed a weird choice of prey, like attacking the boat instead of the swimming woman.  It also ate the hunter guy, just like in "Jaws."

[Flangepart]

Besides haveing a name i'd expect to see on a Cincinnati Reds line up (Now on the pitchers mound, Marabunta goes into his windup...), this stupid thing i must see, and mstiy. So many straitlines, so little tape...
....Am i the only one with his shorts on a wad over "Bug Battles?"
....How many ants/bees/roaches/slugs does it take to equal the mass of an average size human? Like in "The Swarm". Guys in bee keeper suits act like they are getting stung...why!? A thick hunting coat and pants, some duct tape, and a mosquito net draped over a broad brim hat, and ya gotta bee proof outfit! Laugh...laugh i say, as the lil winger creeps buzz in frustration at your opposable thumbed superiority!
....When they try to suffacate you, brush them off with the back of your hand, and pour water over your back, and stomp the wet lil perishers as rhey struggle on the floor. Bwahhhahahahaha....
....Is it too much to ask for a little tactical imagination here, people?