I NEED SOME ADVICE.....

[Ash]

As most of you know, I am close to finishing my review of the "Ice Pirates".  Everything is completed.  I'm now in the editing stage which may require a re-write.  I need some advice.  This is my first ever review of a film on a website.  I know that may not sound like a big deal to some.  It is to me.  I want it to be good.  After all, I COULD actually mention it in a future resume.  (hopefully Andrew puts it up!) When writing the main part (the part which describes the movie as a whole) I noticed that I tended to go a little overboard with details.  Too much description goes in scene for scene.  I am normally a writer of fiction.  Most writers of fiction tend to do that.  I'm torn however.   I want this review  to be about the campiness and absurdity of it all including a tribute to the late Robert Urich.  I also want it to be a detailed description of the major events in the film.  I don't know why but for some reason I'm having trouble combining these three ideas and keep the entire length of it within reason.  I don't want it to be so long that you start snoozing!  (which is what it has become)  I guess these difficulties stem from never having written anything like this before.   I believe that writing a film review and writing thriller and horror stories are two completely different kinds of experiences.  I've read every single review on this site.  Reader reviews and Andrew's both.  Yet I'm still having a little difficulty.  I think that in a sense by writing this thread I may have answered my own question already.  Maybe I have.  I still feel that a little advice from some of my fellow b-movie friends and reviewers wouldn't hurt.  I like to take pride in my work!  As do you I'm sure.  If it is published and I use your particular advice you can always tell yourself that you lended a helping hand in it and I'll credit you accordingly.  Not asking would be the worst thing I could do if I want this to be good.  How can I combine these three concepts efficiently and effectively?

[raj]

Personally I don't like reviews that go over every scene in detail.  It spoils the movie.    Afterall, if the reviewer likes the movie, and recommends it, he should give me a reaason to see it, not make me feel like I've already seen it.  And if the reviewer hates something, does he really want to inflict all that pain on the readers?  It's somewhat like trailers in that sense.  Don't give away everything, especially the best parts.  (Hollywood, I'm looking at you.)

[AndyC]

True, many reviewers do make the mistake of using up a lot of space retelling the entire story. While the plot summary is important, especially in the style of badmovies.org, I'd say the emphasis should be on what you thought of the movie, your funny observations and wiseass remarks. Give us the gist of the story and make us laugh with your comments.

[Dano]

I'd suggest making the plot synopsis as long as you think it is entertaining and as long as it holds up.  The review of The Swarm had an incredibly long plot synopsis, but it was all good stuff.  By good stuff I mean 1. funny, 2. evoked memories of the movie, 3. touched on points of interest to B-movie fans.   If you have 10,000 words of good stuff on the plot of Ice Pirates, don't hold it back.

However, you probably don't have THAT much, so my advice is the same as it would be in writing "Stuff to Watch For."  You can normally come up with like 30-40 "things to watch for" in the course of a good bad movie.  When writing a review, it helps to write them ALL down and then trim the fat later.  Same goes for your plot synopsis.  Pick the stuff that doesn't seem critical and doesn't make you laugh - or at least smile - and cut it out.  But keep as much in there as you think keeps the main plot points and is entertaining.  You're writing this for movie enthusiasts, not DC policymakers who only have 30 free seconds to look at it.  If it's good, we'll read a long review, and if it's too long, Andrew will let you know and you can pare it down.

Also, don't worry so much about spoilers.  I'd bet pretty much everyone here has seen Ice Pirates.  I'd rather hear your thoughts on how it ended than have you leave them out in case there's someone in the audience who's been waiting since 1983 to see this movie and doesn't want you to ruin it.

Hope to see it soon.

[Flangepart]

Good points, guys.
....My little reviews, for me, work well with Andrew's Stuff to Watch For format.
....I can work on "One Liners", and turn of phrase that can be funny...i hope...and presents the reader unfamilure with the film a list of "Events" that, possably, sound intreging enough to keep them curious about the film, so they will catch it if they can.
....Its keeps my stuff short, and relitivly quick to post.
....Paceing and timeing are as important in print humor as it standup, so look closely at the way your work scans on the page/screen. I am SO glad i finaly figgered out how to work the return key on this  flushlinger computer!
....As i learned...paragraphs are a GOOD thing.
....Remember...keep trying!

[mark chopper]

REVIEW FORREST GUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Fearless Freep]

I'd just show the review to some people you know.  Especially if they have any writing background.  I wonder if any of the various moview reviewers on differnt sites around here would give you some editorial feedback?

As far as spoilers, that's a judgement call based on what you are revealing.  If it's something that's coming fairly obvious to the viewer, go for it.  If it's something really cool that makes the movie but comes as a suprise to the viewer, honor the craftsmanship by not tipping the viewer.   Read a bunch of Nathan's reviews at ColdFusion.  He has a good feel for when a spoiler should not be revealed versus when  the film doesn't deserver the consideration.

I really like the approach of the guy(s) at Scifilm.org, especially the "What Works/What Doesn't Work" dichotomy but the breakdown of "background" "plot" and "Final Word" also works well.  Not saying you should ape that approach, but a break down in concrete sections works well, even if each section is long

[Ash]

Thanks for all of the advice guys!  I now know how I will put this all together.