Anyone seen The Item?

[Kolten]

Now there's a movie I'm sure some of you guys would enjoy.  It's about four hitmen (well, three hitmen and one hitwoman) who take a contract to watch over a mysterious box with a strange creature till the next morning when an unknown client will pick it up.  They stay at the apartment of the head guy's girlfriend to await the pickup.  But things get complicated when among other things, a group of drag queens (one of which knows kung fu) show and have to hunted down and killed

Films not perfect, but it's a lot of fun if you're willing to put you brain in "off" mood for awhile.  For starters, guns fire WAY more bullets then they should be able (not to mention no one can seem to hit anything), characters who are wounded spray out geysers of blood, people don't run, they kind of "glide" from place to place, and this an a kinky worm-thing/girl sex scene.  (No, I'm not making that up.)

Anyway, if you see it let me know what you think.

(And if anyone sees it on DVD, tell me if there's a director's commentary track, I don't quite "get" the ending, maybe that'd help me figure it out...)

[Skaboi]

I read about this flick sometime last year on a horror board.  It sounded pretty good, a horror flick that would mess with your mind.  I have yet to track it down in my area, but look forward to seeing it eventually.

[Chadzilla]

Saw it, liked it.

[Brother Ragnarok]

The movie rules, and the DVD does indeed have a very interesting commentary track by director Dan Clark (which is also the name of my uncle, but unfortunately my uncle is not as cool as this guy).  There's a lot of boring technical filmmaker talk, but there are some really funny stories thrown in, and his original idea for the ending ruled.

Brother R

[Andrew Crow]

I remember posting a MINOR review of this quite a while back. I love this movie. It's a great b-movie, and an even greater dark comedy. I mean...KUNG-FU TRANSVESTITES!

And what I got from the ending ((SPOILER WARNING)) was...








The girl killed herself just as the clients were coming to pick up The Item. She realized her friends were dead, there were corpses everywhere, and her boyfriend almost killed her so he could keep no witnesses. I guess she lost the will to live after boinking the worm-thing.

[mr. henry]

yup...the ITEM was a gem of a find among the garbage pile of stuff i bought used at a video store...my blurb:::

The Item - 2001 (R). (VHS) Written and directed by Dan Clark. Four criminals, led by the memorably psychopathic Alex, are paid to pick up and hold a strange box overnight. They're told it contains a monkey but, while learning emergency care procedures, they discover it's really a bizarre worm-like organism. Far from being harmless, the eyeless creature defends itself via fatal mind games as the criminals get impatient and sloppy. Pretty good for a low-budget digital flick, it's kind of like the museum crate story from Creepshow with a watered-down shot of Reservoir Dogs...and one semi-disturbing scene of alien/human intercourse. RECOMMENDED.



Post Edited (04-02-03 22:11)

[Kolten]

Andrew Crow wrote:

> I remember posting a MINOR review of this quite a while back.
> I love this movie. It's a great b-movie, and an even greater
> dark comedy. I mean...KUNG-FU TRANSVESTITES!
>
> And what I got from the ending ((SPOILER WARNING)) was...
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> The girl killed herself just as the clients were coming to
> pick up The Item. She realized her friends were dead, there
> were corpses everywhere, and her boyfriend almost killed her so
> he could keep no witnesses. I guess she lost the will to live
> after boinking the worm-thing.

Well. I got the part about her killing herself, but I didn't get the whole, "pulling off the worm things sewed on eyes" which came before it.  What, did she realize the worm was just a doll or something?  Or did she accidently kill it with her irristable urge to "pull that loose string"?  (Kinda reminds of this one short movie that had Sci-Fi's Exposure...)

[Andrew Crow]

I remember the short movie on SciFi you speak of. The little hairy thing was pulled out of the sink, then it grew, then the lady shaved it...yep...

I didn't quite get that part either...maybe she saw that it had no eyes?

[Chadzilla]

It's eyes were sewn shut, so she allowed it to see again - then she had sex with it and, I think, snapped out of what ever insanity she had slipped into (did she fear getting pregnant?) and killed herself.  Or did she kill it and then slip out to carry its essence elsewhere(now inside her) before the clients showed up.

Dang, I have to watch it again.

[pantaph0bia]

This movie is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. And I mean that in the very best sense. This is, after all, a website about bad movies. My friends and I decided to look for the worst looking movie at the video store and we found this. I have to say, the plot is quite original, and the actors are pretty good. The Kung-Fu Transvestites are by far the most amusing part of the film, and the human/alien sex scene is the most traumatizing thing I have ever seen!! Just a question, did anyone else notice in the beginning how that one girl took like 10 rounds of bullets before she went down? Was she super-human or something? Oh well...crazy flick, but fun times.

[Kolten]

pantaph0bia wrote:


> and the human/alien sex scene is the
> most traumatizing thing I have ever seen!!

Hmm... better not get this guy into anime/hentai videos.... :)

>Just a question, did
> anyone else notice in the beginning how that one girl took like
> 10 rounds of bullets before she went down? Was she super-human
> or something? Oh well...crazy flick, but fun times.

I couldn't help but think "For PROFESSIONAL HITMEN these guys are REALLY bad shots!"