Dark Alex's Really Long Post Thread.

[ER]

You're married to a Mormon and you don't know the Garden of Eden was in Missouri?

[chefzombie]

she found you on the list, alex. and you're going"rear window" here dude, lol!

[Alex]

While I have enquired about some Mormon beliefs, (mostly concerning clarification on the magic underpants to be honest), religion is not a frequent topic of conversation between me and Kristi. I guess being here gives me room to rant about religion when I feel the need and avoid arguing with Kristi at the same time.

Another early rise for me. I am deliberately getting my body back into rising when I awaken rather than lying in bed. Mostly this is so I can deal with Ash in the mornings and let Kristi sleep. He was awake late last night (didn't crash out until 22:00).

Day 3 of my isolation.

We had a thunderstorm last night. It was satisfyingly dramatic to watch the pitch-black sky be split by the jagged bolts of lightning. My neighbour was out once again in the middle of the night. In the middle of the storm too. He was trying to burn a load of stuff, which given for the weather was not going well.

Anyway, I think one of the lightning flashes lit me up like a flare. He looked up and I am fairly sure he saw me watching him. At any rate he ran back inside his house and did not come out again all night long. The aborted bonfire is still out there.

[chefzombie]

I look forward to the further adventures of not so peeping alex, lol! 

[Alex]

Day 4 of my isolation.

Gorgeous day outside. Both Kristi and Ash are currently sleeping after an early rise (05:00 or thereabouts). I have the song "My Corona" running through my head. Which isn't even really a song. Or at least it wasn't. No doubt by now it is, although I haven't been able to find a movie called Children of the Candy Corn yet.

_{My view of the outside world.}

How I wish I could exit this pleasure palace prison and go feel the sun on my face, but alas my external activities have by necessity been confined to the hours of darkness. To wit, I used the bedding to construct a makeshift, but a perfectly serviceable rope. Some of my works camo cream (made by Max Factor no less), liberally applied reduced any shine from my face and after pulling on my combats I shimmied down it and climbed the back door fence. A leper crawl got my up the sloping undergrowth and over the road (although my elbows, knees and toes are not appreciative of the effort it takes. Leper crawls really aren't meant for moving long distances (you move basically using only your toes to propel you forward while lying down. It is, however, the best way to move without being seen). It took me over an hour, maybe two to make the short distance. It turned out my caution was well-founded though, but more of that later. As I suspected the aborted bonfire was made up of nicnaks and geegaws of a generally feminine nature. Family portraits, ornaments, jewellery boxes and what have you.

Then I spotted him! The silhouette of a man by a window gently backlit by the flickering light of a TV. I froze and didn't move for a good fifteen minutes, but he didn't move either. From the posture, I was sure he'd fallen asleep watching out the window. Doubtless, watching for me to make this very move. Doubly carefully I retreated from my investigations and made my way back to knotted bedclothes that represented my only escape from my confinement.

When I awoke this morning, the bonfire was gone with no trace it had ever been there.

[Alex]

After three years of being bullied and being told not to hit back and let the school deal with it, my nephew finally turned around and gave his tormentor a good kicking. He is a lot bigger than most kids his age and could have easily did this years ago though and saved himself a whole load of pain.

[Rev. Powell]

So I spent all day watching because it's not like I have anything else to do. I did not see my neighbour's wife leave the house today to go buy a full set of new clothes. Late on though, I did see him go out to his car several times. The first time he brought something out, it was a carpet with which he lined the boot of his car. Next item was wrapped in black bags. It was about the size of a large dog I guess. Then this was followed by four smaller packages, each of which seemed to be long and thin(ish), but were flexible in the middle. The final item was a box. I'd guess it was a foot square, certainly no more than eighteen inches. This he put in the front passenger seat and secured it in place with the seatbelt and then drove off. Then he drove off and didn't return for 97 minutes and 43 seconds.

As I said, I have nothing else to keep me amused right now.

This is starting to sound like the plot of REAR WINDOW.

BTW this post thread is really long. You might want to consider making a part 2, sequel, redux, or "Son of Dark Alex's Really Long Post Thread" when you get to a good chapter break point.

[chefzombie]

After three years of being bullied and being told not to hit back and let the school deal with it, my nephew finally turned around and gave his tormentor a good kicking. He is a lot bigger than most kids his age and could have easily did this years ago though and saved himself a whole load of pain.

good on him, he's a sweet boy!

[Alex]

Day 5 of my isolation.

Another lovely looking day outside, although the temperature is lower than appearances would suggest. I think on Friday when my quarantine is up, I'll be going for a long walk at daybreak.

As my neighbour was leaving early this morning, I noticed the square box he'd put in his front seat was still there, secured in place with the seatbelt. I will watch and see if it is still there tonight. If it is, I am going to sneak down, jimmy open his car door with a coat hook and find out what's in the box. I am aware this could be a trap, but I am going to find out what the hell is going on over there!

Going to have a game of Bolt Action with Kristi. As per usual, she wants to play her Americans, so I am going to give my German's a run-out. I am taking a force-based around the defence of Italy from 43 to 44.

German Heer (Regular) Army

For my commander, I am going to go with a First Lieutenant. Our man is a survivor from the early days of the Eastern Front and is, therefore, a veteran. We are only playing an 800 point game and I don't feel I can thematically justify a higher ranking officer commanding a section this small, although if I wanted to do a force to represent say, the ad hoc formations that were assembled to face the Allied armies after the breakout from Normandy that would be ok. I want to stick him in a Kubelwagon, just because I like those little cars and I'll give him a buddy to watch his back, both of them equipped with assault rifles. They can form a fire brigade, highly mobile and able to lend support anywhere on the battlefield where I am under pressure.

Next, I need to take two squads of infantry to fill up my mandatory choices. I can pick from Heer Grenadier, Waffen-SS and Fallschirmjager. I don't actually have any Fallschirmjager figures and I find playing the Waffen... distasteful, (although strangely enough, I will do it to annoy certain types of people), so Grenadiers it is. Like their officer, these men are no strangers to battle and are both veteran units. They've seen their fair share of combat, and have lost many brothers-in-arms, so neither squad will be at full strength. My first squad has 5 men equipped with submachine guns. Their role is to get in there and mix it up all close and personal with the Yanks (I have no idea what German's called US troops during the war). The second unit is going to be for a firebase. I'll take 6 of them armed with assault rifles. I've also equipped them with 3 Panzerfausts (German one-shot bazookas) to deal with any armour Kristi brings to the table.

Ok, so that's the core of my force. Now for the fancy bits. I'd love to take a big cat (Panther or Tiger), but one of them would pretty much take up all the points I have left and besides in a game, this small would be out of place so reluctantly, I'll put them to one side and look at what else I have available. My favourite big gun, an 88 wouldn't fit in either really, but maybe I can get away with a Nebelwerfer. No matter what the circumstances, they only ever hit on a roll of a 6, so to save some points I'll have them as inexperienced, and take it as a Howling Cow variant, which only had a two-man crew. Makes them more vulnerable to enemy fire, but an artillery unit wouldn't expect to see much front line combat and I am hoping my other units will stay between them and the enemy.

I still want to take some sort of armoured vehicle, something that will cause panic in the ranks of my enemy, without costing the world. Well, there is one clear answer there. Flammpanzerwagen. Basically, this is a half-track with a flamethrower mounted on each side and a machine gun at the front. I'll take them as a regular unit. They are recent recruits who are well trained and have seen some combat, but not a huge amount. Flamethrowers were one of the most despised, if not the most feared weapon on the battlefield. Operators caught by the enemy could expect to be executed out of hand by their captors. A single shot from one of these can cause even veteran units to break and run. They do have a couple of drawbacks though. One is that you have a good chance of running out of fuel every damn time you fire them (the first time I used one it got off one shot and ran out of fuel. However, it did force one of my enemies best units to abandon a fortified trench and run off the battlefield, so it was worth it). The other problem is that when you put them in a vehicle the vehicle is a lot more likely to blow up.

Next up is an MMG. The MG42 was the best medium machine gun of the war, able to lay down a terrifying rate of fire (and one which wore the barrels out fairly quickly, something a resource-starved Germany could ill afford). In-game terms they have an extra shot per turn over other MMG's. No one in their right mind is going to try and cross any open ground covered by one of these (this is what the rangers attack in Saving Private Ryan when their medic dies).

By this point in the war, Germany was feeling the pinch from the loss of a lot of veteran troops. The surrender of his most experienced troops at Stalingrad and North Africa was taking its toll on the Fatherland. They looked at other sources of manpower, such as the now largely unemployed Luftwaffe ground crew which they no longer had enough aircraft to keep busy. Battalions of technicians were formed up and sent into battle. I am going to include a squad of these fresh-faced men, untested in battle. I'll have a full 10 man section of them. I don't expect great things from these, but they do bulk my numbers up fairly cheaply.

I still have plenty of points left. A sniper team is never a bad choice and takes me to just enough points to squeeze in one more unit. I'd like a mortar, but I don't have a German one and the Nebelwerfer fills that role anyway, so in the end, I go for another squad of Heer infantry. 6 men with an LMG. They will become part of my firebase, seizing cover and then attempting to pin down the enemy troops while my other forces get close up. What should be the deadliest parts of my force (the submachine gun squad and Flammpanzerwagon need to get within a few inches of the enemy in order to be effective so I need plenty of stuff to force the enemies heads down and stop them shooting up my killers. Mortars are great for that. If they fire at a unit and miss and the unit doesn't move then they get to range in and become gradually more and more likely to hit (6+ first round, 5+ second round and so on). The other guy then has to pick between moving his squad potentially out of a good position or risk taking a hit from a mortar and losing his unit. The Nebelwerfer never gets more than a 6+ to hit, but because it is launching multiple barrages of rockets when it does hit, it does a whole heck of a lot more damage.

So all in thats:

HQ
1 Oberleutenant (Veteran). Assault Rifle. 90 points. - Fast-moving fire fighting unit.
1 Assistant (Veteran). Assault Rifle. 13 points.
1 Kubelwagon (Inexperienced) 17 points.

Infantry.
1 5 man Grenadier squad (Veteran). Submachine Guns. 80 points. - Close up assault unit.
1 6 man Grenadier squad (Veteran). Assault Rifles, 3 Panzerfausts. 108 points. - Firebase unit/anti-tank.
1 10 man Luftwaffe Field Division squad (Inexperienced. Rifles, Green. 70 points. - Expendable unit.
1 6 man Grenadier squad (Regular). Rifles, 1 LMG. 80 points. Firebase unit.

Support.
1 2 man Sniper team (Veteran). Rifle. 65 points. Firebase unit.
1 Nebelwerfer. (Inexperienced). Multiple Launcher (Howling Cow). 42 points. - Firebase unit.
1 Flammpanzerwagon (Regular). Two Flamethrowers, 1 MMG. 110 points. - Seek and destroy assault unit.
1 MMG (Veteran). 65 points. - Firebase unit.

Armour.
None. 

A Hanomag (half-track transport) or even a truck would have been nice to get one of my units up table faster, but other tactical considerations came to the fore. The only thing I wouldn't really expect to see on a battlefield would be the Nebelwerfer as it would have been behind the lines providing support, but sometimes the enemy advances faster than you can retreat and support elements end of in the thick of it. Besides I've not had a chance to use it in a game since I bought it and I want to Nerf me some Webels. 10 units is a goodly amount for the size of game we are planning and several units pack a lot of firepower into a small size.

My firebase units will rush onto the battlefield, looking to grab cover on the first turn and then shoot at the enemy. That will make it harder for the enemy to shoot back at me while the flamer and submachine guns advance up table. Once they are chewing on the enemy, my firebase can advance up the table and seize objectives.

All great in theory until the enemy starts shooting back.

[Alex]

My (semi) painted army all ready for tomorrow.

Front from left to right. Veterans with assault rifles. Oberleutenant Bob, along with his runner and personal Kubelwagon (and his driver Private Bob), my sniper team of Sgt Bob and his spotter Uncle Bob. Regular troops with rifles and LMG.

Back from left to right. Luftwaffe field squad (none of them have names and should all have red shirts, I do not expect them to talk, I expect them to die), Nebelwerfer operated by Bombadier Bob, MMG team, Veterans with SMG's, Flammpanzerwagon.

Not sure if its clear from the picture or not, but I've put the troops on paving stones and scattered rubble on the bases to make it look like they are fighting in some ancient town in France or Italy. The trouble is that I've done different types of bases for each of the armies. My Brits are on grassland (although I am going to change that to woodland), except for my Desert Rats who are on sand. The Soviets are or snowy terrain, the Japanese jungle/marsh (more for the conditions they faced on the Asian mainland than on the Pacific Islands, but it works for them too). Kristi's American troops are also on grass (thus why I am going to change my Brits to a more forest-based look). While this gives each army its own theme, it also doesn't quite work when they are fighting each other.

This is my LMG operator as an example.

[Alex]

Day 6 of my isolation.

Last night things got very interesting. I shimmied down my make-shift rope, only for it to dislodge the arm holding the window open, causing it to swing shut behind me. Undaunted though I continued my climb down.

Kind of had nowhere else to go at that point.

Creeping carefully across the road, I waited carefully until the moon went behind some clouds, dashed across the road (my knees really weren't up to leper crawling again) and approached his car. It took longer than I expected to open the car door with the wire coat hanger. I guess the movies lied to us there, but with a 'dunk' noise I heard the lock trip and the door was ajar. The box was still sitting there. It was a plain cardboard one, stained darkly around the edges of the bottom. The car stunk, a mixture of old cigarettes and rotten meat.

With one hand I reached out to grab the box when I heard a voice say "So, you've found out my secret."

My neighbour was standing there, butcher knife in hand.

Damn, but I wished I still had my swords.

I took to my heels and ran back to the garden, leaping over my fence like a gazelle, fully aware my lungs would make me pay a hefty price for this exertion while nursing a cold and dragged myself up my rope, hand over hand. My neighbour was in hot pursuit though, his weight adding to the strain on it. I was worried it would tear, then I figured I'd at least get a soft landing so it wouldn't be so bad, but it held the combined weight of both of us. When I got to the top, I rediscovered the window had closed earlier and I was trapped. The psycho was making slower progress climbing up than I was, but he'd eventually reach the top. Thinking quickly, I reached out, grabbed the drainage pipe and pulled myself over, climbing up onto the roof.

I spent a few months working a summer job in the building trade, working on roofs so I knew to spread my weight out so's not to fall through and made my way up to the spine of the roof. There was nowhere else to go unless I fancied chancing my luck dropping down onto the street, so I'd have to make a stand here.

He pulled his bulk over the guttering and onto the roof, making his way to the far end of the roof so he could climb up the solid brick wall. Once he got there he came at me, knife a-swinging. I ducked and dodged his first few swings, but then I got caught in a coughing fit and had to get him to stop for a few moments while I recovered.

It was while I was coughing that I noticed on my wristwatch the time had just gone past midnight.

I guess that means I need to finish this story tomorrow then.

[Alex]

Kristi has prepared her US army to meet my German army.

From left to right.

Medium howitzer. This could be a problem if it gets a clear line of sight to any of my troops. I guess I'll be putting my Luftwaffe infantry in its sights. She also bought a spotter for it, who can be used to call in indirect fire (shooting at things he can see that the gun can't).

Heavy machine gun. A powerful weapon, good for taking out lightly armed vehicles and any type of infantry. I need to keep my Flammpanzerwagon away from this, otherwise, I am not too worried out it.

Medium mortar. Again including a spotter, this can sit somewhere hitten and force me to move units from cover.

Forward Observer. Able to call in airstrikes, US forces get one of these men for free. One of these can decimate an entire army. My sniper will be keeping an eye out for this guy.

Medic. Gives nearby troops a 1 in 6 chance of not being dead.

Lieutenant. The second in command.

1 5 man regular Engineer Squad with a Flamethrower. This unit is a threat to my forces if it gets close up, so I am hoping I can target it with my Nebelwerfer.

Captain. Kristi's force commander. Accompanied by a pair of bodyguards all carrying rifles.

2 5 man regular Infantry Squads. Each of these squads carries a single BAR for a bit extra firepower.

White Scout Car. Tooled up with two extra MMG's this can pour out a serious amount of infantry killing firepower. It will be a prime target for my Panzerfausts.

She has gone for a slightly risky force with lots of extra 'toys' over infantry (not criticising her here. Afterall, I did take several myself, including a Nebelwerfer which isn't great for a small game like we are planning). Her howitzer, forward observer and scout car (despite the name a scout car is actually quite big. They were too big to navigate through the streets of many of the old towns and villages of Europe). After that, it is the engineers, but unless they are in the scout car being transported I should have time to deal with them. If they are in the car, then I have the chance to kill two birds with one stone and kill them if I blow the car up.

Watching some Elvira stuff. She is doing Puppetmaster. I find her less intrusive than MST or Svengoolie, although I still wish that they'd all stay quiet during the movie and just do a skit at the start and end instead, but they have their fans.

We got our battlefield set up today. American's and German's are facing each other across the remains of a small Sicilian village in 1943. A rear guard of German's has been sent to secure the village and delay the Allied advance long enough for Axis forces to be evacuated to the mainland. Just as they reach the outskirts of the village, however, they see the lead elements of the American forces hoving into view...

[ER]

I hope she repeatedly kicks the stuffin' outa your kraut-loving goosestepping jackbooted Prussian ubermen there.

[Alex]

I shall let you know tomorrow.

[chefzombie]

dave was highly amused when i told him about your " adventures", lol!