Badmovies.org Forum

Do you lick your computer screen to clean it?

(https://i.imgur.com/8DcbqbG.gif) (https://lunapic.com)

 :teddyr: :teddyr: :teddyr:

I was once asked by a client "Do you guys have toilets here?" I answered that we did all our business on the lawn outside, that's why it was so green.  :buggedout: :wink:

On the infamous Scientology "Free Personality Test!" it asks: "Do you have a Mother? Do you have a Father?"

^  :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:

"No I don't! I was born of a jackal!"

There ya go.

Do you dance in the woods?

(https://c.tenor.com/U_OVXPu8j3gAAAAd/serbia-dancing.gif)

I've had total strangers- like store clerks- ask me, "How did you get so short?"
 
"I dunno- how did you get so ugly?"

When he was four my son asked me, "Was I born?"

I also think it's weird when some security person at the airport asks if you're leaving the country to commit criminal acts. Isn't that contrary to the protection we have against self-incrimination? And what criminal would blurt out, "Yeah...."?

^ "No. You have always been here. You just woke up one day."

Multi-purpose Simpsons'-based answer to stupid questions: "A wizard did it."

It's also lame when you're pregnant and someone asks, "Are you having a boy or a girl?"
Like there's some third biological option? Duh.

When I'm sitting in front of the diner on the bench smoking a cigarette, and some shmuck walked up to me and asked " Why are you smoking?"

I said- "Why aren't you?"

I was once explaining my cousin's electric racebike to the electric car loving (but not buying) crowd at WRIR, & started talking up the performance potential of the bike.....

Someone had to ask, "Why would anybody wanna go that fast?"

I was totally perplexed at how anybody would have an issue with that, so some else interjected & explained how performance was more marketable.....

Back in my early twenties, a lot of guys on temp jobs would ask me if I had any kids...
I would always say no, & then they would ask me "Why not?"

I mean, did I really need to explain the birds & the bees to these guys?

I was at the store here in town with my son Jed, and Jed was unloading the goods on the counter. I said to the clerk-" My son will load it up." She said to me- Your son?"

I didn't say anything, but I wished I had said- " No. It's my daughter."

I think she said it because I'm 5'2" and he's 6'.

I get that one a lot. It's not really a weird question so much as a rude one. I think the people who ask it are astonished that anyone wouldn't want children. But what if I'm infertile? Is that really your business?

^ My Dad would ask me why I never had a steady girlfriend or any kids. I had Jed when I was 30. I was too f**ked up to deal with girlfriends or kids.

One I used to get a lot when I went to college in New England: "You were born in Kentucky? You don't seem like it."

How would society be different if human beings had a mating season?  (Only a month or two out of the entire year they would have sex and could get pregnant)

On multiple occasions I have been asked how much I would charge to kill someone, as well as how many people I have killed.

I consider both to be incrediby stupid questions.

Like Spock's.
People would go apesh!t.

(https://i.imgur.com/FTAADAG.gif) (https://lunapic.com)

This is not a personal hit- it just reminds me of a joke I told our head mechanic (Kevin). I said " How do you find a virgin in Kentucky?"
Kevin was from Kentucky.
He said " I don't know, Ronny." He was already smiling, because he knew I was gonna say something real stupid.
"Find a sister who can run faster than her brother!"  :bouncegiggle:
He was a great guy.

You know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky, because otherwise they would have called it "teethbrush."

^

(https://i.imgur.com/wCMshJQ.gif) (https://lunapic.com)

That actually looks like most of my neighbors here in Lawton.
And I'm missing a lot of teeth too.

Every weird question I remember was either embarrassing or insulting.   :lookingup:

Do you stand in front of a mirror and make faces?

(https://i.imgur.com/ovqZQm9.gif) (https://lunapic.com)

When I was in college in 1987, I wore a lot of black - still do - and people wanted to know why I did that: was it because I worshiped Satan?  :buggedout:

^ Did you tell them "yes"?

(https://i.imgur.com/Mi9XNcr.jpg) (https://lunapic.com)

Is Satan smoking a joint?  :buggedout: :buggedout:

Some years ago at another job I once wore my wrist watch on the right hand. I should note that until then I wasn't much of a wrist watch wearer. I did buy one especially for that job because I would leave the building on my lunch break and I needed to see the time to return.

My colleague was shocked because I was wearing my watch on the right. She was like "OMG! why are you wearing your watch on the right?!? It should always be worn on the left!" Was she superstitious or did I break some rules of etiquette? I told her, does it matter? and she said yes and shook her head.

Years later I found out a silly saying that if you wore your watch on the right you are signaling that you are gay. I thought that was hilarious.

^That's how the British do it....^

^ Here in the US it was what ear you wore an earring.  :lookingup:

I have never heard of that. It did used to be that having an earing in (I think) your right ear was a gay thing, but being left-handed I've always had my watch on my left wrist.

I told them no but I do throw up on the church minister occasionally  :wink:

I got my first watch when I was 10: I've worn it on my right wrist ever since. While I am LGBTI - the B part - I also find the "gay signalling" part funny. My younger brother who is openly gay - and a Christian too - would find that hilarious.  :teddyr: :teddyr:

Nah.  You tell them, "I don't really worship Satan, I mostly just show up for the human sacrifices." 

If you get right down to it most Satanists seem to eventually admit they're in it to p**s people off. I know when my friend was flirting with joining the Satanic Temple, that's basically what its platform was, and most of its members proclaimed themselves atheists.

Which reminds me of a weird question I was once asked by a special-needs employee gathering carts in a Kroger parking lot: "Did you know Jesus died so you could celebrate Christmas?"

I didn't quite know what to say to that, so I smiled and said, "Yes I did."

Seemed to satisfy him. Sweet kid. Took my cart up for me.

^ Satanic Bible author Anton Levay knew it was all BS. He was a showman.

The only secret code I knew was a handkerchief hanging out the (right?) back pocket. I only knew because they did it in some movie I once watched.

I was setting up a display in a supermarket not long ago(NOTE: This store chain only sells food and has a florist and that's it. Always been like this.) Strange couple comes in and asks what section the dress clothes are in..I reply that this is a supermarket and not a clothing store so I get another question: "So I cant get a dress shirt and shoes here?"

Just shook my head no and they walked away complaining about s**tty service..mind you, I'm not even a store employee, just happened to have to do a job there.

100% true weird questions I have been asked:


"Did you know Robert Downey Junior had a talk show in the '80s and he was like the Jerry Springer of the era? I guess that was when he was bad into drugs."

"You mean morticians see dead people naked? Is that legal?"

"Why is it called Saturday Night Live when it mostly comes on Sundays?"

"Has anybody ever tried to find the iceberg that sank the Titanic? I bet it'd be worth a lot of money."

"Why do all the days of the week end in a y?"

"Ever notice they quit making toilet paper in lots of colors instead of just white, but they still mostly only make underwear white?"

"Hey, it's your wedding, but you sure you don't want to hit him up for child support instead and just go home?"

"Could baby Jesus work miracles?"

"Which one is Pink Floyd?"

"Did you know you can make fake ginger ale by putting a squirt of cola into a glass of lemon-lime?"

"Does she eat lipstick or just put her makeup on in the dark?"

"If they quit teaching cursive writing in school, how will kids know how to write their name?"

"If they keep making Velcro shoes, won't everybody forget how to tie them?

"Ever lie and say you voted for the person who won?"

"What do they fill hot air balloons with?"

"Aren't limes poisonous?"

"Ever had your cat look at you and you just know she wants to kill you?"

"Why do I think I need therapy? Because I have a father who til I was twenty convinced me I was almost named Fanny."