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#1
Good Movies / Re: Recent Viewings, Part 2
Last post by lester1/2jr - Today at 03:26:46 PMSweet Sixteen (1983) - I thought this was gonna be a Friday the 13th type slasher. Instead, it's more 70's drive in Southern horror, somewhere between Bobbi Jo and the Outlaw and The Town that Dreaded Sundown, not as good as the latter and better than the former because *Marjoe Gortner isn't in it.
Someone keep killing guys who get involved with Melissa Morgan, who was thankfully 19 or 20, not 15 going on 16 when this movie was made. She look incredible in every scene and is the reason to see this for sure. Meanwhile, redneck and Native American stereotypes battle it out while a visiting professor (Melissa's dad) disturbs an ancient Indian burial ground. It's a combustible situation for sure. Bo Hopkins as the sheriff has his hands full trying to solve the murders, be a father to his annoying 2 teenagers, and breaking in to peoples houses to get easy to find evidence.
It's pretty slow for the first 2 thirds but gets better toward the end, simply because more stuff is going on. Likeable but definitely pause-able too, with a fair amount of Charlie's Angels/ late 70's cop show energy.
3.99/5
*to be fair to Gortner, he didn't cast himself as a young Lynda Carter's very improbable boyfriend.
Someone keep killing guys who get involved with Melissa Morgan, who was thankfully 19 or 20, not 15 going on 16 when this movie was made. She look incredible in every scene and is the reason to see this for sure. Meanwhile, redneck and Native American stereotypes battle it out while a visiting professor (Melissa's dad) disturbs an ancient Indian burial ground. It's a combustible situation for sure. Bo Hopkins as the sheriff has his hands full trying to solve the murders, be a father to his annoying 2 teenagers, and breaking in to peoples houses to get easy to find evidence.
It's pretty slow for the first 2 thirds but gets better toward the end, simply because more stuff is going on. Likeable but definitely pause-able too, with a fair amount of Charlie's Angels/ late 70's cop show energy.
3.99/5
*to be fair to Gortner, he didn't cast himself as a young Lynda Carter's very improbable boyfriend.
#2
Bad Movies / Re: RECENT VIEWINGS (Bad Movie...
Last post by zombie no.one - Today at 02:41:40 PMQuote from: M.10rda on Today at 01:44:57 PMPLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME! (1959/1963?)
The title more or less clues you into what you should expect from this semi-Mondo/domestic docudrama about female sexual dysfunction and its potential treatments.
have you seen BAD GIRLS GO TO HELL? sounds like it's in the same ballpark, and that one was pretty fun, imo
#3
Bad Movies / Re: RECENT VIEWINGS (Bad Movie...
Last post by zombie no.one - Today at 02:39:10 PMQUANTUM OF SOLACE
2008!!! that means I've spent nearly 20 years consciously (and subconsciously) avoiding this film.
Why would a James Bond fan avoid a Bond movie? Well it's Daniel Craig you see... what I love about Connery and Moore is that both in their own way were comedians at heart and fantastically, knowingly cornballs. Dalton and Brosnan just about managed to assimilate this trait into their Bonds as well. Brosnan more so
Nothing against Craig as an actor or a person, but for me he simply isn't Bond. He is just so f+×÷=ing anonymous in the role, scuse my French. He has the aura of a trained doberman guarding a kennel.
It doesn't help that Q.O.S. is all flashcuts and frenetic action either. I guess there is some Bondy-ness to it but it also seems to want to combine the hectic chasey derring-do of old with nuskool slick stuff and it's an awkward mix.
Soulless Bond. 4/10
2008!!! that means I've spent nearly 20 years consciously (and subconsciously) avoiding this film.
Why would a James Bond fan avoid a Bond movie? Well it's Daniel Craig you see... what I love about Connery and Moore is that both in their own way were comedians at heart and fantastically, knowingly cornballs. Dalton and Brosnan just about managed to assimilate this trait into their Bonds as well. Brosnan more so
Nothing against Craig as an actor or a person, but for me he simply isn't Bond. He is just so f+×÷=ing anonymous in the role, scuse my French. He has the aura of a trained doberman guarding a kennel.
It doesn't help that Q.O.S. is all flashcuts and frenetic action either. I guess there is some Bondy-ness to it but it also seems to want to combine the hectic chasey derring-do of old with nuskool slick stuff and it's an awkward mix.
Soulless Bond. 4/10
#4
Off Topic Discussion / Re: How's the weather?
Last post by Trevor - Today at 02:20:09 PMQuote from: Rev. Powell on Today at 01:37:43 PMI can see my sidewalk! The Great Melt has begun.
The Great Melt is also what one of my ex colleagues called me 😳😉😉🐢
#5
Bad Movies / Re: RECENT VIEWINGS (Bad Movie...
Last post by M.10rda - Today at 01:44:57 PMPLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME! (1959/1963?)
The title more or less clues you into what you should expect from this semi-Mondo/domestic docudrama about female sexual dysfunction and its potential treatments.
The somewhat surprising thing is its writer/director/producer/co-star - Ron Ormond, who played the eponymous TEENAGE STRANGLER of MST3K fame but ended his career w/ a series of evangelical Christian scare flicks. I recall that Rev. Powell has the Ron Ormond box set so maybe he's watched this one and can shed more light on its production. The copyright on the opening title says "1959" which is what Letterboxd goes with, but other sources say 1963, which seems like a better match for the vivid colors, garish wardrobes, and general sleaze-level.
The pre-credits sequence wastes no time in allowing pretty redhead "Vicki Edwards" to wander off from a woodsy picnic into a nearby desert, where she's followed and accosted by a swarthy-looking moustached-man in a sailor cap. (Horrors!
) Ormond cuts away from any graphic assault, however, and we then leap forward in time to newlywed Vicki rebuffing her husband's marital advances (in spite of her choice of outfits, which range from "Vegas martian showgirl" to "Playboy magazine boudoir model"). Obviously the only hope for Vicki's marriage and sanity is a visit to chain-smoking psychotherapist Lash LaRue... yes, the whip-wielding cowboy from THE DARK POWER and other bad westerns. Soon, Vicki is submitting to hypnosis to plumb the dark depths of her trauma (w/ cameo by Ormond himself as Anton Mesmer ). But will you be prepared for PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME!'s shock-twist ending???
This is undeniably a cheap, largely tasteless, and Bad film - but it could have been worse! The dialogue is mostly tacky enough to avoid being boring, and LaRue is kind of interesting to watch (he comes off as Ed Sullivan doing a Richard Nixon impression). Although I initially felt bad ogling the many boob-shots of perky Vicki - presumably the victim of s*x**l assault - Ormond obviously knew what he was doing (for better or worse) and lets his audience off the hook at movie's end, where it's revealed that
***SPOILER***
the attack was interrupted prematurely and Vicki wasn't actually violated - but Vicki has blacked out the entire incident and her neurotic mother has encouraged her to believe she was r@ped for years (!!!).
***END SPOILER***
Okay, that's kinda' messed up - but as a result of this odd twist, PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME reads less as a reactionary indictment of the inscrutable female libido and more as a portrait of parental over-protectiveness, repression, and gaslighting....... yes, whether intentionally or otherwise, future religious propagandist Ormand somehow made an almost progressive movie that is critical of sexual conservativism.
It does end though on a scene of heteronormative reinforcement. But we get to look at Vicki's cleavage some more, so... 
2.5/5
Oddball sidenote: "Vicki Edwards" is played by "Vicki Caron" but the opening credits declare that the film is based on her true story
which seems like yet another uncomfortable situation similar to that of "Rae Kidd" in THE UNASHAMED. "Vicki Caron" (who is very lovely, if only an okay actress) seems to have no other film credits and some folks on the internet appear intrigued by this mystery. Rev, was there any memorable supplemental tidbits on the box set?
The title more or less clues you into what you should expect from this semi-Mondo/domestic docudrama about female sexual dysfunction and its potential treatments.
The somewhat surprising thing is its writer/director/producer/co-star - Ron Ormond, who played the eponymous TEENAGE STRANGLER of MST3K fame but ended his career w/ a series of evangelical Christian scare flicks. I recall that Rev. Powell has the Ron Ormond box set so maybe he's watched this one and can shed more light on its production. The copyright on the opening title says "1959" which is what Letterboxd goes with, but other sources say 1963, which seems like a better match for the vivid colors, garish wardrobes, and general sleaze-level. The pre-credits sequence wastes no time in allowing pretty redhead "Vicki Edwards" to wander off from a woodsy picnic into a nearby desert, where she's followed and accosted by a swarthy-looking moustached-man in a sailor cap. (Horrors!
) Ormond cuts away from any graphic assault, however, and we then leap forward in time to newlywed Vicki rebuffing her husband's marital advances (in spite of her choice of outfits, which range from "Vegas martian showgirl" to "Playboy magazine boudoir model"). Obviously the only hope for Vicki's marriage and sanity is a visit to chain-smoking psychotherapist Lash LaRue... yes, the whip-wielding cowboy from THE DARK POWER and other bad westerns. Soon, Vicki is submitting to hypnosis to plumb the dark depths of her trauma (w/ cameo by Ormond himself as Anton Mesmer ). But will you be prepared for PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME!'s shock-twist ending??? This is undeniably a cheap, largely tasteless, and Bad film - but it could have been worse! The dialogue is mostly tacky enough to avoid being boring, and LaRue is kind of interesting to watch (he comes off as Ed Sullivan doing a Richard Nixon impression). Although I initially felt bad ogling the many boob-shots of perky Vicki - presumably the victim of s*x**l assault - Ormond obviously knew what he was doing (for better or worse) and lets his audience off the hook at movie's end, where it's revealed that
***SPOILER***
the attack was interrupted prematurely and Vicki wasn't actually violated - but Vicki has blacked out the entire incident and her neurotic mother has encouraged her to believe she was r@ped for years (!!!).
***END SPOILER***
Okay, that's kinda' messed up - but as a result of this odd twist, PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ME reads less as a reactionary indictment of the inscrutable female libido and more as a portrait of parental over-protectiveness, repression, and gaslighting....... yes, whether intentionally or otherwise, future religious propagandist Ormand somehow made an almost progressive movie that is critical of sexual conservativism.
It does end though on a scene of heteronormative reinforcement. But we get to look at Vicki's cleavage some more, so...
2.5/5
Oddball sidenote: "Vicki Edwards" is played by "Vicki Caron" but the opening credits declare that the film is based on her true story
which seems like yet another uncomfortable situation similar to that of "Rae Kidd" in THE UNASHAMED. "Vicki Caron" (who is very lovely, if only an okay actress) seems to have no other film credits and some folks on the internet appear intrigued by this mystery. Rev, was there any memorable supplemental tidbits on the box set? #6
Off Topic Discussion / Re: How's the weather?
Last post by Rev. Powell - Today at 01:37:43 PMI can see my sidewalk! The Great Melt has begun.
#8
Bad Movies / Re: Some sort of noteworthy Ev...
Last post by M.10rda - Today at 01:07:23 PMYeah, you're right... I need to get over it. Clearly I am suffering from MDS... Melania Derangement Syndrome. 
#10
What Was That Film? / Re: A woman strangling with he...
Last post by Trevor - Today at 09:59:11 AMQuote from: wositelec on Today at 09:56:36 AMQuote from: Trevor on January 28, 2026, 06:09:31 AMTHE DEATH HEAD VIRGIN could be another.
It isn't, but thank you.
No problem 😊🐢