Bad Movie Logo
"A website to the detriment of good film"
Custom Search
HOMEB-MOVIE REVIEWSREADER REVIEWSFORUMINTERVIEWSUPDATESABOUT
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?
July 27, 2016, 04:25:48 PM
567687 Posts in 43572 Topics by 5677 Members
Latest Member: ScaryTalesGuy
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
Pages: 1 ... 37 38 [39]
Author Topic: The truly terrible joke thread  (Read 70635 times)
Rev. Powell
Global Moderator
B-Movie Kraken
****

Karma: 2054
Posts: 16639


Click on that globe for 366 Weird Movies


WWW
« Reply #570 on: June 15, 2016, 11:07:05 AM »

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will make himself disappear at the count of 3. "Uno," he says. "Dos," he says.

*Poof*!

He disappears without a tres.
Logged

"Candace is the only survivor out of a car that gets run off a bridge during a game of 'chicken,' but once she gets out of the water she loses her desire for men, for beer, and for her own family. Normally these are character traits women are born with, but it takes a good dunk in the river for Candace to get them."-Joe Bob on CARNIVAL OF SOULS
ER
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 447
Posts: 2573



« Reply #571 on: June 15, 2016, 06:15:10 PM »

Cheetah little, and soon you're a lion big.

(Oh, well, my kids think it's hilarious.)
Logged

In the past, the future.
Allhallowsday
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1684
Posts: 12220


Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #572 on: June 16, 2016, 01:50:13 AM »

Caitlyn Jenner is going to be in the Olympics!!  She will be competing in just one event.  The broad jump. 

 Lookingup  BounceGiggle
Logged

If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!
AoTFan
Bad Movie Lover
***

Karma: 16
Posts: 146



« Reply #573 on: June 16, 2016, 09:58:36 PM »


What type of coffee did they serve on the Titanic?

Sanka.

Logged
Allhallowsday
B-Movie Kraken
*****

Karma: 1684
Posts: 12220


Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!


« Reply #574 on: June 19, 2016, 01:26:56 AM »

You sure it wasn't STANKA?
Logged

If you want to view paradise . . . simply look around and view it!
indianasmith
Archeologist, Theologian, Elder Scrolls Addict, and a
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 1591
Posts: 9790


A good bad movie is like popcorn for the soul!


« Reply #575 on: June 19, 2016, 07:31:48 AM »

In Massachusetts, authorities noticed that a large number of crows have been dying on the road.
By planting game cameras, they were able to see that 95% of the deceased crows were killed by trucks, and only 5% by cars.  The state government commissioned a study to see why this was.
Five million dollars later, scientists came to two conclusions:
1.  Crows post a watch when feeding along the highways to warn them of approaching danger.
2.  However, while all crows can say "CAH!!!", none were able to yell: "Truck!!"   BounceGiggle
Logged

"Carpe diem!" - Seize the day!  "Carpe per diem!" - Seize the daily living allowance! "Carpe carp!" - Seize the fish!
"Carpe Ngo Diem!" - Seize the South Vietnamese Dictator!
AoTFan
Bad Movie Lover
***

Karma: 16
Posts: 146



« Reply #576 on: June 20, 2016, 08:24:49 PM »


How many lawyer jokes are there?

Three.  The rest are true stories.
Logged
ER
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 447
Posts: 2573



« Reply #577 on: June 20, 2016, 09:07:43 PM »

Once a miser lay on his deathbed, and was so determined to take his ill-gotten fortune with him that he summoned his priest, his doctor, and his lawyer, and gave them each a bulging sack of gold coins, and made them swear that when he died they'd put their sack of gold in the grave with him.

Well the old tightwad died soon after, and the three met at his graveside.

First the priest stepped up and tossed in his sack of gold, but looking ashamed he said, "I must admit, it seemed such a waste to bury so much money that I took part of it and used it for a new wing at the parish orphanage."

The doctor too tossed his sack of gold into the grave and said, "I'm embarrassed to say I didn't keep my word either, Father, because I couldn't help but think of the good that money could do, so I gave half my share to a research college that's trying to cure cancer."

Then it was the lawyer's turn to step forward and he said, "Gentlemen, I am truly ashamed of both of you. Our mutual client entrusted us with his entire fortune, and we gave our words we'd carry out his wishes and put the money into the grave with him."

"You mean," asked the priest, "that of the three of us it was you, a lawyer, who proved most trustworthy?"

"You didn't take any of it?" demanded the doctor, incredulously.

"Not one thin dime," the lawyer said solemnly, as he opened his wallet and dropped something into the grave. "As you see I just put in 100% of my share, via my personal check...."
Logged

In the past, the future.
AoTFan
Bad Movie Lover
***

Karma: 16
Posts: 146



« Reply #578 on: June 27, 2016, 06:59:52 PM »

One time I got so depressed I decided to off myself.  I tried to do that thing where you start the car and let the fumes overtake you.  Problem is, it turns out that works best when you're in an enclosed environment, like a garage.  I was in a indoor mall parking lot and it was taking FOREVER.  I had snacks, couple books to read... sitting there all day, waiting for something to happen.  People were walking by saying stuff, "Hey, Mike, how's that suicide attempt going?"  
"Ahhh, really slow!"  "Well, keep at it, you'll succeed eventually."  

"Okay!  Thanks mom!"
« Last Edit: July 22, 2016, 10:09:45 PM by AoTFan » Logged
ER
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 447
Posts: 2573



« Reply #579 on: July 20, 2016, 10:30:26 AM »

One day after church a child asked her mommy, "Is God a man or a woman?"

"God is both a man and a woman," answered the mother.

"Well, is God black or white?" the little girl inquired.

"God is both black and white," the mom told her.

The child thought about this for a second and asked, "Mommy, is God Michael Jackson?"
Logged

In the past, the future.
ER
Frightening Fanatic of Horrible Cinema
****

Karma: 447
Posts: 2573



« Reply #580 on: July 23, 2016, 10:32:55 AM »

On the opening day of school a first-grade teacher asked her students to tell what they had done over the summer.


"I rode a choo-choo," said one little boy.


"No," said the teacher, "you're not a kindergartner anymore, you're a big first grader, so you're all going to start using grown-up words. You didn't ride a choo-choo, you rode a train."


She asked a little girl how she'd spent her summer.


"We went to Florida and visited my Maw-maw," the little girl stated.


"No," the teacher said, "you visited your grandma, not your maw-maw. Remember class, you're not babies anymore, so use grown-up words." She then asked another little boy how he'd spent his summer."


"I read books," the little boy told her.


"How nice!" the teacher gushed. "And what book did you like best?"


It was on the tip of the little boy's tongue to tell her, then he remembered what she'd said about not using baby talk anymore. So with pride he blurted out, "My favorite was Winnie the s**t!"
Logged

In the past, the future.
Pages: 1 ... 37 38 [39]
Badmovies.org Forum  |  Other Topics  |  Off Topic Discussion  |  The truly terrible joke thread « previous next »
    Jump to:  


    RSS Feed Subscribe Subscribe by RSS
    Email Subscribe Subscribe by Email


    Popular Articles
    How To Find A Bad Movie

    The Champions of Justice

    Plan 9 from Outer Space

    Manos, The Hands of Fate

    Podcast: Todd the Convenience Store Clerk

    Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

    Dragonball: The Magic Begins

    Cool As Ice

    The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed

    Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

    Do you have a zombie plan?

    FROM THE BADMOVIES.ORG ARCHIVES
    ImageThe Giant Claw - Slime drop

    Earth is visited by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD! Gawk at the amazingly bad bird puppet, or chuckle over the silly dialog. This is one of the greatest b-movies ever made.

    Lesson Learned:
    • Osmosis: os·mo·sis (oz-mo'sis, os-) n., 1. When a bird eats something.

    Subscribe to Badmovies.org and get updates by email:

    HOME B-Movie Reviews Reader Reviews Forum Interviews TV Shows Advertising Information Sideshows Links Contact

    Badmovies.org is owned and operated by Andrew Borntreger. All original content is © 1998 - 2014 by its respective author(s). Image, video, and audio files are used in accordance with the Fair Use Law, and are property of the film copyright holders. You may freely link to any page (.html or .php) on this website, but reproduction in any other form must be authorized by the copyright holder.