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Badmovies.org Forum  |  Movies  |  Bad Movies  |  Deathstalker (1983) « previous next »
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Author Topic: Deathstalker (1983)  (Read 276 times)
akiratubo
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« on: June 04, 2015, 11:05:25 PM »

Blech!

The movie begins in some kind of ruin.  A young man is tying up a woman, preparing to rape her.  Fortunately (?) he is interrupted by some men who appear to have melting heads, who prepare to kill him.  Double-fortunately (?) the melting head people are interrupted by a very bored looking bodybuilder with a sword.  After he kills the melting head people, our hero (?) kills the young man, too.  Then he decides to rape the poor woman himself!  Triple fortunately, he is interrupted by someone who summons him to an audience with a king.

This king is a deposed king, and wants Deathstalker -- Wait!  The bored guy who was going to rape a tied-up woman is our hero?  Sweet Jesus ...  Anyway, the king wants Deathstalker to help him get back his throne from an evil wizard named Munkar.  Deathstalker tells the king to shove it.  A little later, Deathstalker visits an old woman in a tent who tells him that he must defeat Munkar.  Oh, okay, then.  Off to defeat Munkar it is.

But first, Deathstalker must retrieve some magic sword or another from a cave.  To do this, he has to be turned into a little boy first.  Huh?  Retrieving the sword also has the side effect of restoring one of its guardians, a little gnome thing, to its true, human form.  This guy whose name I never caught will stick with Deathstalker for the rest of the movie and act as our komic relief.

And we're still not properly underway yet, because Deathstalker runs across a woman about to be gang-raped.  Another warrior, named Ogris, who is apparently not very tough, is there, too, getting his ass kicked.  Deathstalker saves Ogris and the woman.  Ogris tells Deathstalker that he's on the way to Munkar's tournament.  Oh, what's that?  Munkar has summoned all the strongest warriors to fight to the last man, who will become Munkar's heir.  Deathstalker knows Munkar is immortal, so the tournament isn't legit, but it will give him a way to get close to Munkar.

Holy balls!  We've got even more freaking setup to get through!  Deathstalker and Ogris meet yet another warror, this one a buxom blonde who walks around with her boobs hanging out, and she joins them.  She and Deathstalker decide to have sex since they are the only two blonde people in the movie.

At last, we arrive at Munkar's renn-faire set -- er, castle.  Inside, he's hosting a rape party.  No, really.  He's got a bunch of naked women there and most of the party guests are molesting them in some way.  This is some seriously sleazy crap and I didn't enjoy watching it at all.  Ogris saves one particularly innocent looking one, the rest are just s.o.l., I guess.  Munkar appears, lays down some ground rules for the tournament, and then announces the rape party's main event: the rape of Princess Codille!  Who?  Oh, wait, I think the king way back at the beginning might have mentioned her.  Okay.  Anyway, Munkar has her tied up and asks which of the warriors will be the first.  A gigantic man wearing a helmet made from a pig's head (or maybe he's supposed to be a pig man?), "volunteers."  Right, time for Deathstalker to step up and rescue her!  Uh, no.  He doesn't seem to give a s**t.  It's actually some other random dude.  Soon, there's an all out brawl during which Deathstalker ... does jack s**t.  His female companion is the one who frees Codille and tries to get her to safety.

Anyway, the rest of the movie is scenes of the tournament battles interspersed with Munkar trying to get Deathstalker killed.  First, he turns one of his warriors into Codille so he/she can trick Deathstalker into letting down his guard.  It doesn't work because Munkar apparently didn't bother transforming the most important part of his man into the corresponding part of Codille.  Oops.  It also turns out that Ogris is working for Munkar.  And it is only now, about 3/4 of the way through the movie, the we find out that Deathstalker's magic sword makes him invincible as long as he wields it.  Oh.  Sure.  Whatever.  Ogris challenges Deathstalker to a fight fight and actually does really well.  He even manages to get his hands on the sword but decides to be honorable and keep fighting hand to hand.  Deathstalker ultimately defeats and kills him, thus depriving us of the only generally likeable guy in the cast.  Screw you, movie.

I think Deathstalker's girlfriend gets killed at some point, too.  I dunno.  It just kind of occurred to me I hadn't seen her boobs in a while.  Must have happened when I took a bathroom break and didn't pause the movie.

At last, Deathstalker and the Pig Man are the last two fighters left in the tournament.  Pig Man, like just about everyone else, kicks Deathstalker's ass and even manages to disarm him.  Deathstalker only wins due to some bad blocking.  (Pay close attention to how their positions change between shots to make it possible for Deathstalker to pull off the trip he uses to escape Pig Man's bear hug.)  That done, Deathstalker finally has a shot at killing Munkar.  Which he accomplishes ... somehow.  His magic sword, combined with two other items Munkar already owns, proves capable of taking away Munkar's magic.  I'm not sure.  Anyway, Munkar's slaves rise up and rip him to pieces.  Deathstalker destroys the magic items and the movie ends.  Thank God.

If this movie were any more competently made, it might be offensive.  As it is, it's just like a horny teenage boy got a camera and said, "I'm gonna film me some boobs!"  For the most part, everyone in it seems pretty bored.  The guy playing Deathstalker, his girlfriend, Munkar, Codille, even the sock puppet monster Munkar keeps in a box and feeds the eyes of young boys, all seem bored.  Rick Hill (Deathstalker) in particular is in 100% collect a paycheck mode.  Given how cheap and sleazy the movie is, I can't say I blame them.  The only one of the core cast brings any sort of life or enthusiasm to his role is Richard Brooker as Ogris.  The man is clearly having fun.  The various stunt men playing the tournament fighters are all having a hell of a good time, too.  It is only during the tournament scenes that the movie itself even shows the faintest spark of life.

Deathstalker can be safely skipped, unless you remember the deceptively cool box from back in the VHS days and have always wanted to check out the movie.
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etmoviesb
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« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2015, 11:48:44 PM »

I actually liked this movie quite a bit, it is really the cheesy fun of the '80 with the hedonist hero of the time.

There are also Deathstalker II, III, and IV. And they are all worth the sight. Only the third is quite a letdown.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2015, 11:54:58 PM by etmoviesb » Logged
indianasmith
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« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2015, 11:50:39 PM »

While DEATHSTALKER 2 was superior all around, I do have a soft spot in my heart for this first one in the franchise, mainly because Barbi Benton was pretty doggone smokin' back in the day!
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« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2015, 06:18:12 AM »

Kind of a favorite of mine.  Just stupid as hell and a great slice of '80s cheese  TeddyR
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« Reply #4 on: June 22, 2015, 04:34:04 PM »

80's Sword and Sandal cheese... A great bit of work. 
-Ed
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indianasmith
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« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2015, 04:49:31 PM »

That was the golden age of the Barbarian flick!
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« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2015, 04:54:54 PM »

I find it hard to believe someone would stalk death, that just doesn't square in my mind. gonna skip this one. No seriously it sounds weird
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indianasmith
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« Reply #7 on: June 22, 2015, 04:55:36 PM »

Give it a watch, man.  You won't regret it!
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