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EVIL TOONS
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1992 American Independent Productions
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Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 27 November 2007
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A group of coeds is dropped off at an old mansion by the manager of a cleaning company (Dick Miller). He tells them to spend the weekend and have the place spick and span by Monday morning. Though the girls pile out of a van, they do not unload much in the way of cleaning supplies. What they do bring is mostly lingerie, and we all know how much space that takes up in an overnight bag. A stick of deodorant is larger. I was amused to note that one of the girls wears a pair of shorts that looks like the old Eclipse splash kit for an Automag paintball gun.
Yes, I am an AGD cultist. How many markers have you owned in the past ten years? I've had two: my Automag and the customized Automag I purchased after selling the older one. Stick that in your Ego and smoke it.
Back to the film, a mysterious figure (David Carradine) shows up in the middle of the night and delivers a cursed book to the girls. The nerdy girl in the bunch (Monique Gabrielle, with glasses and a simple hairdo) reads several passages from the tome and releases a cartoon demon. Meshing animation and live action is both tricky and expensive, so the evil toon snuffs the splash shorts-wearing girl and assumes her form. It then begins killing people, including a football jock who shows up for some nookie and Dick Miller, who suffers the same fate as Boy Scout Kevin in "Lair of the White Worm."
Did you ever wonder why college students insist on reading satanic incantations out of the old books they find in haunted houses?
There is not a lot of substance to this film. The four coeds look too old for the parts and act incredibly dumb, though we all know why they were cast. The women are here to dress up the film with lots of topless shots, and they deliver (in abundance). We do get to see Dick Miller watching himself, albeit much younger, demonstrating the wrong way to get a cat out of a wall in "A Bucket of Blood." Besides that, Mr. Miller leers at the girls and becomes frustrated with his girlfriend or wife (played by Michelle Bauer) when she fires up a gas-powered sex toy.
If I made this sound interesting, that was not my intent. Watch it for the boobies, particularly the always fun-to-look-at Monique Gabrielle.
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| Things I Learned From This Show: | |
|  | The normal diet of young women consists of white bread, bologna, individually-wrapped processed cheese slices, beer, and football players.
| | | The correct term is "washboard thighs."
| | | Satan is a breast man.
| | | Papyrus is made from pasteurized milk.
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| | | 15 mins - "This scene is a little dark. Roxanne, could you please turn on your headlights? Thanks."
| | | 58 mins - How about running, screaming, down the street? Wasn't that the plan?
| | | 68 mins - What she needs is a Life Alert® necklace.
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