Alex's even longer post thread.

I was chatting with a friend earlier tonight. She told me that I was possibly the most intelligent person she knew and commented that I often hid it. Not that I agree with her, but I replied that the best thing someone who is smarter than all the people around them can do is let none of them know it.

Got an odd feeling running really strong right now that something very bad is about to happen. I've had it to varying degrees for the past 5 or 6 years, but right now it is burning hot. I am going to put it down to anxiety rather than precognition though. Mind you, I could very well be creating my own bad situation. For the past six weeks, I've been very erratic in taking my meds and tracking my bloods. I guess if I felt anything less than 100% it might be easier to accept whatever diagnosis they gave me. I keep promising myself that tomorrow I'll start following the regime more, take everything but when tomorrow comes yet again I can't be bothered with this s**t and I do things my own way.

This summer I've been thinking about confronting an old grudge. It is something that has came close several times over the past twenty years of resurfacing. Not dealing with it over the past few years has been a continual class of schedules where things have been missed or conflicted by a matter of days. Six years of missing each other by less than a week. It does mean travelling to my least favourite city in the world and all the problems that could be resolved are other peoples rather than mine so I could just stand back and watch. Do nothing.

Ever had a hero? Some figure that you've idolized. Have they let you down? If so, do they owe you something or is it your own damn fault for putting someone on a pedestal, putting them in a position that they couldn't possibly live up to?

I guess it would be more suitable if all these things were in some way connected, but they aren't. At least not directly.