I don't want to start any arguments, I just want people's opinions. I totally understand the negative perception some people might have about kids on leashes and I promise I will try not to get too offended if anyone thinks I'm an ogre for agreeing with them.
My daughter is going to be 1 ½ this spring and I'm preparing to take her out into the world to run and explore as soon as the weather permits! We have a little puppy backpack for her with a "tail" and if I feel the need, I'm going to use it! But I'm nervous because I've seen some seriously violent reactions from people who disagree with the whole kid on a leash thing.
My reason for using one is to safely allow my daughter to explore and feel a small sense of independence without constantly being at the end of my arm or confined in a stroller... not to mention she's short and it's hell on the back to try to hunch over and hold her hand, especially when she's not cooperative. I wouldn't use it as a way to justify ignoring my child at the mall or anything. Even the best, most attentive parents would agree, kids are fast, they're small, they can wriggle into or out of almost anything, and can be out of your sight in a second. I don't want to take the risk of her running to a dangerous place, getting lost in a crowd or getting stolen. I would only use it in large, crowded or potentially unsafe places, like at the zoo or the beach. I would not use it in a place like the park, that's wide open and I can see her or a grocery store where she should be in a cart.
I've heard the argument that it's humiliating to a child to be leashed. Well, I just don't agree that children under the age of 5 have the same sense of humility that adults do...I haven't seen any adults throwing tantrums in the middle of the grocery store. If at anytime I felt it made my daughter uncomfortable or embarrassed, I wouldn't use it. I've also heard that it's a way for lazy parents to control their child instead of using proper discipline - I think that's more treating a child like a trained animal than using a leash.
I'm still a little uncomfortable with it though. It DOES look a bit out of place when I see other parents using them, and something about it feels a little wrong, and I HATE calling it a leash. However, my "mama bear" sense is telling me to do what's best for my little one.
So what's your opinion (try not to be too brutal, please!)? If your parents leashed you when you were 3 and you've been damaged for life, I want to know! If you agree with me, how would you respond to someone that might lash out about it?
Depends on the kids behavior :teddyr:
Quote from: Bull on January 18, 2010, 11:11:15 PM
Depends on the kids behavior :teddyr:
I have to agree with Bull here. If the child gets hyper easily or is the type to get distracted and run away from you when you're not watching, then yes by all means leash em. :wink:
I somehow doubt that, unless they are made fun of to their face, the child will be traumatized by being leashed. If nobody talks about it, and they are young enough, (Under four I'd say),
and it doesn't happen in front of their friends, I'd say they won't be traumatized.
I had twins . . . both as hyper as could be.
It was leash them or hamstring them!
Quote from: SPazzo on January 18, 2010, 11:19:13 PM
Quote from: Bull on January 18, 2010, 11:11:15 PM
Depends on the kids behavior :teddyr:
I have to agree with Bull here. If the child gets hyper easily or is the type to get distracted and run away from you when you're not watching, then yes by all means leash em. :wink:
I somehow doubt that, unless they are made fun of to their face, the child will be traumatized by being leashed. If nobody talks about it, and they are young enough, (Under four I'd say), and it doesn't happen in front of their friends, I'd say they won't be traumatized.
Ill throw my hat into this ring too. It does make sense if the kid is real rowdy/exploring, but I think a parent should at least try to control their kids the old fashioned way before resorting to such measures. Not to say that Paquita doesn't have a valid reason, a sore back sucks!
Quote from: indianasmith on January 19, 2010, 12:17:40 AM
I had twins . . . both as hyper as could be.
It was leash them or hamstring them!
I'm glad you didn't resort to the latter!
I guess my three were exceptionally tame children. Or I am an overly-protective parent: when the children were on their own two feet there was no such thing as taking my eyes off them for a second. If I had to pay attention elsewhere, or in crowds, hands were held or the kids were secured in the stroller or picked up and carried. I would not dream of using a 'leash', although I can understand the desire to do so.
I would take issue with saying that teaching a child to be 'good' (or attentive or obedient) is treating them like a trained animal. (As opposed to treating them like a wild animal?) Though even when training animals what one is aiming to attain is willing compliance, not merely imposed constraint.
This subject came up on another board I am on. The majority there seemed to be 'pro' leashes, so I imagine you will not encounter as much disapproval as you may expect. Bottom line: you do what you feel you have to to keep them safe.
I apologize in advance (I'm not a parent) but I don't like the idea of having a child on a leash for whatever the reason. Doing that, you might as well put the dog in the stroller and put a collar around your child's neck.
I, too, think a leash is unnecessary. Hell, I feel walking hand in hand with your kids when they're walking around is a good bonding exercise. If you're afraid of bending over while walking and giving yourself a bad back, it doesn't seem to me like you'd have to bend over when holding their hand. How short are they? Just hold on tight. If they are short and have to reach up high to hold your hand, as long as you have a good grip it should be really tough for them to pull away. If they repeatedly misbehave and want to pull away, a sharp "No!" face to face often works; if not, a little smack on the butt is a tried-and-true method.
It's your call paquita. I don't think there's too much horribly wrong with it, but I can see why other people may frown upon it. There's lots of people in this country who use them, as little kids just run out into the damn roads all the time and go splat! Do what you think is right, and screw other people. :smile:
My daughter had a little monkey backpack similar to the puppy one Paquita described. She's outgrown it now, but she liked wearing it. Besides thinking the monkey was cute, it did allow her a bit more autonomy than she otherwise would have had. We rarely used it though. There were fairly specific situations where we might consider bringing the monkey backpack along. We found there were situations where a stroller or holding hands didn't offer the mix of freedom and security we wanted. Those were rare, though. The vast majority of times, holding hands was enough.
These things are not really that leash-like. It looks more like a cute little plush toy with a long tail, and it fits like a backpack. It's not as if the kid is wearing a choke collar and a Flexi lead.
We did the monkey backpack thing with my first son. The "tail" (aka leash) was mildly effective. Most of the time we ended up having to put him in a stroller anyhow because he'd have some sort of tantrum and lay on the floor. Theres nothing cruel about it Paquita so do it.
It's a kid not a dog ! My wife I and have hated those things since they first appeared in the 80's.
We did the same thing as Newt - never take your eyes off them for a second.
I'm sure you'll do whatever's best for your kid Paquita :teddyr:
Thanks guys! My daughter doesn't have a behavior problem and she's not hyper.. she's just 16 months old. She has no sense of danger, she loves being chased, she's very curious, she's fast, and her communication skills haven't developed enough for her to tell someone if she's lost or to respond to me if I called her. Just like AndyC said, I would probably rarely use it but would have it on hand just in case.
I understand the importance of holding hands, but there are some situations where I feel she shouldn't be glued to my side and she should be allowed to run a little and explore.
I never take my eyes off of her but she can be like a magic ninja sometimes.
Quote from: Paquita on January 19, 2010, 08:43:03 AMI understand the importance of holding hands, but there are some situations where I feel she shouldn't be glued to my side and she should be allowed to run a little and explore.
When we lived in the city I took my eldest to the park 4-5 times a week. He was allowed to run 'free' but I was never more than a few steps away (even at top speed!) If you are close enough to start with, a toddler cannot outrun you - mind you it is awfully amusing to watch them try!
You and your little one will be fine.
I'm not a parent either, but to me, this leash thing seems wrong.
You have a good point though, you're trying to keep your kid safe, but there are other ways to do that. Others have already wrote down a few.
It's your call.
My mother told me that she constantly had to use one of those leashes on me when I was a little boy.
She had to because I would go up to anybody. As soon as she wasn't looking, I'd be up and gone. Then she'd find me walking up to total strangers and saying "Hi", or whatever else I was saying back then.
She told me that one time at Kmart I was right there by her side. She looked away for not even a minute and when she looked back I was gone. She found me two aisles over talking to some old lady.
Quote from: Paquita on January 18, 2010, 10:40:17 PM
I’ve heard the argument that it’s humiliating to a child to be leashed. Well, I just don’t agree that children under the age of 5 have the same sense of humility that adults do…
You're right.
I had absolutely no memory of my mother using that leash on me.
Even after she told me years later that she used one, I still had no memory of it. And no humiliating memories of her using it, either.
I say do whatever works best for you.
I never used a leash on any of mine. I dont have the hatred for leashes that some do but do find them kind of silly. My kids were allowed to walk around freely, with me right on their ass :teddyr: you do whatever you think is best for your family. As far as someone saying something to you about it... tell them to shove it. I cant stand it when nosey people(usually childless) tell me how to raise, handle, or discipline my children. Its a pet peeve. :hatred:
Quote from: 3mnkids on January 19, 2010, 12:18:33 PM
I never used a leash on any of mine. I dont have the hatred for leashes that some do but do find them kind of silly. My kids were allowed to walk around freely, with me right on their ass :teddyr: you do whatever you think is best for your family. As far as someone saying something to you about it... tell them to shove it. I cant stand it when nosey people(usually childless) tell me how to raise, handle, or discipline my children. Its a pet peeve. :hatred:
I'm right there with you. The people who have tried to give me advice are usually either A.) childless or B.) have no f'n clue how to handle their own kids. I usually turn into a prick when people start giving me advice about parenthood so that shuts them down usually.
In my opinion there's absolutely nothing wrong with them. They serve an obvious, practical safety function. The only negative is appearances, because they look superficially like you're treating the child as a pet. It's only an issue for adult observers who have an emotional reaction to the imagery; it's a benefit to the kid. Well, unless the kid's 14 or 15... :wink:
I think it depends on the kid. Arianna is a really easy one, we taught her to hold hands or keep one hand on the stroller or cart at all times. But she is a natural rule follower. She has little friends who not only need leashes, but kennels. One of them is into everything, climbs everything and doesn't listen. Some (or maybe most)of that is parenting, but he needs one in my book. I think if it keeps them safe, then its a real option.
Paquita, Maybe if your kid starts to show a needs, THEN get one, maybe you don't need to pre-emptively leash.
-Ed
My daughter did go through a period of trying to pull away and walk on her own, but she's mostly been good that way. We had the monkey around for maybe a year, when she was at that stage of being too big to stay in the stroller, and not quite mature enough to comprehend why we have rules. It was used almost entirely in crowd situations, where she might get separated from us and not be all that easy to catch. This was especially true in places like the zoo, where she needed to be able to run around a bit and check things out, but stay safely linked to one of us. She liked it fine, and it was a useful tool under those circumstances. That's where the perception is kind of misleading. The leash wasn't tying her down. It was giving her more freedom than she'd have in a stroller or holding Mom or Dad's hand. She had greater mobility, greater autonomy and two free hands.
I think if you use it the way you intend, Paquita, you are making a valid choice until she understands she should not wander away from you. Once you both understand what your limits are, you may find you wouldn't use the thing again.
Of course, I've seen some kids that should be leashed around the neck and repeatedly choked, but I would tend to think you are a better parent than the ones I'm referring to.
Quote from: Ash on January 19, 2010, 12:15:37 PM
She had to because I would go up to anybody. As soon as she wasn't looking, I'd be up and gone. Then she'd find me walking up to total strangers and saying "Hi", or whatever else I was saying back then.
My daughter is a lot like that! I swear she likes strangers more than her own family, especially men and blonde women. She tried to climb up on a very large man's lap at a furniture store about a month ago. Of course I was with her, and she was doing her usual "entertain a stranger" routine, singing and dancing and all, but I never expected her to go attempt to mount him like a horse! Another reason for my paranoia about taking her out.. she makes too many "friends"!
Quote from: Newt on January 19, 2010, 08:52:25 AM
If you are close enough to start with, a toddler cannot outrun you - mind you it is awfully amusing to watch them try!
Newt, I think you're a stronger person than I am! My daughter has already learned to point and say "What's that!?" to get me to turn my head so she can do something she's not supposed to. I'm catching on though!
I think *I* need the leash! Seriously, I really feel it's more for my sense of security than hers. Since she has started walking, we haven't really been anywhere other than places like a Target where we decided to let her walk on her own. Once I get comfortable with the idea and have assured myself that I can handle her, I probably won't need it at all.
Quote from: 3mnkids on January 19, 2010, 12:18:33 PM
tell them to shove it. I cant stand it when nosey people(usually childless) tell me how to raise, handle, or discipline my children. Its a pet peeve. :hatred:
HA! You are one tough cookie! I'll try that and let you know if I get a bloody nose.
Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate all the support and the different views.. even this one:
Quote from: Trekgeezer on January 19, 2010, 08:19:13 AM
It's a kid not a dog ! My wife I and have hated those things since they first appeared in the 80's.
:teddyr:
your call