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Movies => Bad Movies => Topic started by: InformationGeek on August 18, 2010, 10:18:06 PM

Title: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: InformationGeek on August 18, 2010, 10:18:06 PM
So a movie parodying the Twilight franchise sounds good, right?  WRONG!  Does this look like a good movie to you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHkPJ1ACLrg

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are directors behind this movie, who you may remember are the guys behind Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie.  These films are just pure evil and horrible.  They are not funny at all and just suck the life out of you.  They are also terrible parody/riffing movies as well.  They just do not have any focus and tend to rip on or parodying everything else besides their intended target.  Since when was Borat, Click, and Nacho Libre an epic movie?  What the hell does Transformers have to do with 300?!  Why was there Michael Jackson, a High School Musical dance, and singing chimpmunks in a movie about parodying disaster movies?! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

*Five Minutes Later*

Okay, I'm cool now.  Still, this movie is nothing more then just a devious way to steal your money from you.  I know lots of you hate the Twilight franchise and this film is just preying on that hate of yours to blind you from the truth of what this film really is and the directors' track record in general.  It'll rob you of your money and reward you not with your hope of a trashing of Twilight, but with a stupid and mind numbingly bad film that is suppose to be a comedy.

I know you are all smart and clever individuals, but I know your hate of Twilight is strong.  Don't let that cloud your judgment.  See this film for what it is; just a horrible movie that wants to feed of your hatred like a parasite.

Here's an audio review of it that I found:

http://my.spill.com/profiles/blogs/vampires-suck-audio-review (http://my.spill.com/profiles/blogs/vampires-suck-audio-review)
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: Chainsawmidget on August 18, 2010, 11:54:36 PM
Didn't we just have a topic about this recently?  Oh well.  I still say that I have no hope for this movie.  I'm not even willing to give it the benifit of the doubt.  Not watching it. 

Seriously, if they're going to parody Twilight, they should probably just stick to parodying Twilight.  Alice has nothing to do with that. 

I will say one thing in the movies favor though, as much as I hate to.  The It's raining Men bit was somewhat funny.  I suppose you throw out that many bad jokes you're bound to hit a good one sooner or later.  Law of averages and all. 
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: SkullBat308 on August 19, 2010, 02:06:38 AM
This movie was painfully mediocre, but it wasn't as bad as I was a 41 year old virgin who knocked up Sarah Marshall and felt Superbad about it  :twirl:
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: 3mnkids on August 19, 2010, 02:22:04 AM
I despise these kinds of movies. Epic movie, meet the spartans, scary movie(all of them).... Low brow "humor" just doesn't do it for me. 
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: indianasmith on August 19, 2010, 06:11:03 AM
One of my students has an uncle who is IN this movie, so I guess I'll have to watch it.  Not looking forward to it - spoofs just aren't what they used to be.
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: The Burgomaster on August 19, 2010, 06:11:26 AM
There's a very special magic in a trailer that makes you NOT want to see a movie . . .
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: Flick James on August 19, 2010, 09:36:10 AM
These movies are hopeless, but they keep making them so they must be turning a profit. Without seeing it, which I won't, I can already tell you that I probably got more laughs out of what it's parodying.
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: Chainsawmidget on August 19, 2010, 11:18:02 AM
Quote from: 3mnkids on August 19, 2010, 02:22:04 AM
I despise these kinds of movies. Epic movie, meet the spartans, scary movie(all of them).... Low brow "humor" just doesn't do it for me. 
I thought the third and forth Scay Movie were pretty good. 
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: The Gravekeeper on August 19, 2010, 11:24:57 AM
I despise this team. They themselves admitted that they just watch the trailers, hence why their jokes are so poor. Guess what? Sometimes the movies they poke fun at made those jokes already (eg- Wolverine already did the whole "flipping people off with his claws" thing).

So in light of the fact that the writers based their spoofs on trailers, I'm going to judge this movie based on its trailer. It sucks and the trailer probably highlighted all the best jokes in the entire movie.
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: Skull on August 19, 2010, 11:32:44 AM
Quote from: Flick James on August 19, 2010, 09:36:10 AM
These movies are hopeless, but they keep making them so they must be turning a profit. Without seeing it, which I won't, I can already tell you that I probably got more laughs out of what it's parodying.

20 million is cheap when you consider video sales and I'll bet many annoyed husbands/boyfriends are going to pick up this movie... especially when their better half asks them why they are not such characters in Twilight... :)
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: Rev. Powell on August 19, 2010, 04:52:10 PM
"Vampires Suck finds Friedberg-Seltzer evolving ever so slightly, but adequacy remains out of their grasp, and mediocrity might just be an impossible goal."--Nathan Rabin, The Onion AV Club.  :bouncegiggle:
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: Flick James on August 19, 2010, 05:02:00 PM
Quote from: Rev. Powell on August 19, 2010, 04:52:10 PM
"Vampires Suck finds Friedberg-Seltzer evolving ever so slightly, but adequacy remains out of their grasp, and mediocrity might just be an impossible goal."--Nathan Rabin, The Onion AV Club.  :bouncegiggle:

I love The Onion.
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: The Burgomaster on August 20, 2010, 09:27:46 AM
Last week, the Boston Globe had a big article about the girl who plays the lead.  She is a recent Boston University graduate.  One of the questions they asked her in the interview is how she feels about her first starring role being in a movie that will probably get bad reviews.  I love it when interviewers don't sugar coat their questions.
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: Mean Machine on August 20, 2010, 05:44:01 PM
I saw a commercial for this dogxxxx taco that had clearly fake names giving it good reviews.

When a movie has to make up good reviews for itself, 'nuff said.
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: WildHoosier09 on August 20, 2010, 11:09:46 PM
I have not seen the movie but every time I see a trailer for this I like it less.  The first trailer- vampires: "do you know who we are?" ... victim: "The blackeyed peas?"... vampires "why does everyone think we're the blacked eyed peas!".... ok so that is pretty funny, vampires drinking blood from a keg-stand styled funnel set-up like frat-boys is not funny, just dumb.  girl telling vampire she would be into him eating her hinting at oral sex is such an obvious joke set-up that it would almost fit in in the original movie.
This is the same group that cranks out these spoof movies all the time (epic movie, date movie, scary movie, meet the spartans) the primary failing is this, if there are any functional jokes in them they are so specifically dated that they literally go bad like eggs or cheese.  For example, I saw a small part of meet the spartans just the other night and they had some Sanjay joke in there of him singing badly on American Idol.  Already rather than laughing at the current reference I'm trying to remember this guy, in another year or two it would be completely pointless to include someone whose 15 minutes of fame ended years ago.  Just sitting down with a stack of newspapers from last week and using what is happening right now as your joke set works only for a very short time while the reference is fresh.  I'll pass this one even though I do believe that twilight needs lampooned I won't spend any money to see another "(insert genre here) Movie"
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: Jim H on August 21, 2010, 01:29:32 AM
What I find baffling is just how awful the trailers for this one are.  Same deal with Meet the Spartans - which is AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL, but there were a couple points that I found funny (It's a stupid joke, but calling the INCREDIBLY OBVIOUSLY TRAITOROUS Spartan in 300 "Traitoro" was funny, especially the reveal of his name), and they're not in the trailer. 

How can they make such bad trailers?  It boggles my mind.  Also, where do they spend $15 million plus on these films?  They could do them for 1/10th that and it'd be funnier.  Just look at youtube and find a few random funny low budget directors (or even somebody like the guys who do Ask a Ninja).  Most of them would love to be able to have a few hundred thousand to throw around.  And it would DEFINITELY be a better film. 
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: Saucerman on August 21, 2010, 06:42:34 AM
For a much better parody of TWILIGHT, which cost only pocket change to make, check out Low Budget Picture's TAINTLIGHT.  Sick, sophomoric humor but it actually does manage to hit TWILIGHT a few times really good, particularly in the overuse of the "blued" effect and "Edgar Mullins"' facial expressions.  Plus, replace stupid vampire baseball with amusing vampire frisbee golf. 

My favorite moment? Instead of having a car almost hit "Stella" and her being saved by "Edgar," she's nearly hit by a drunken mime on an invisible cell phone while driving his invisible car.  Edgar pushes her over (and, incidentally, out of the way). 
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: metalmonster on August 28, 2010, 04:15:14 PM
I Was Out To Get A Haircut Today But There Was A Long Line And The Barber Told Me It Might Take A Few Hours , So I Decided To Use My Spare Time Seeing This Movie , I Have Never Seen Any Of The TWILIGHT Movies (and i hope i never do) but i watched this movie for laughs , there were a couple of semi humorous moments but that's about it



All In All It's Not A Bad Movie To Watch If You Have Some Spare Time and nothing better to do
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: voltron on August 29, 2010, 09:49:19 PM
It's this type of movie which exemplifies what's wrong with "A" movies these days, and society in general. I have no desire to see this, not because I'm a Twilight fan, but because I also have no desire to see the Twilight films and to me, spoofing that franchise it so utterly pointless and obvious that it's ...well..... :lookingup:
I laugh at the thought that anyone will be nostalgic for this type of movie 20 years down the road, let alone 2 years from now. It really sucks that a few bigwigs have the brilliant idea that spoofing way too current trends/movies = funny. That aside, I just got This Is Spinal Tap on DVD for $3 a few days ago. That should be mandatory viewing before any one of those _____ Movie losers decide on doing another spoof s**tfest.
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: ulthar on August 29, 2010, 09:58:25 PM
We liked SCARY MOVIE, but I think that was more Wayans than Friedberg/Seltzer.  Never seen any of the other "similar" spoofs mentioned in this thread.

I will say that of older spoof movies, I really liked AIRPLANE (I not II), HOT SHOTS (both), LOADED WEAPON and quite a number of the Leslie Nielson movies.  Some of these were pure art, not all bathroom humor and other middle school level cheap shots.
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: Flick James on August 30, 2010, 09:24:01 AM
Quote from: voltron on August 29, 2010, 09:49:19 PM
It's this type of movie which exemplifies what's wrong with "A" movies these days, and society in general. I have no desire to see this, not because I'm a Twilight fan, but because I also have no desire to see the Twilight films and to me, spoofing that franchise it so utterly pointless and obvious that it's ...well..... :lookingup:
I laugh at the thought that anyone will be nostalgic for this type of movie 20 years down the road, let alone 2 years from now. It really sucks that a few bigwigs have the brilliant idea that spoofing way too current trends/movies = funny. That aside, I just got This Is Spinal Tap on DVD for $3 a few days ago. That should be mandatory viewing before any one of those _____ Movie losers decide on doing another spoof s**tfest.

Karma for that. This is Spinal Tap is my favorite parody of all time.
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: Vik on August 30, 2010, 11:50:02 AM
Quote from: 3mnkids on August 19, 2010, 02:22:04 AM
I despise these kinds of movies. Epic movie, meet the spartans, scary movie(all of them).... Low brow "humor" just doesn't do it for me. 
I agree 100% A big pile of smelly sh*t.
Title: Re: Vampires Suck (2010)
Post by: HARDtoREACH on September 09, 2010, 02:32:24 AM
Quote from: 3mnkids on August 19, 2010, 02:22:04 AM
I despise these kinds of movies. Epic movie, meet the spartans, scary movie(all of them).... Low brow "humor" just doesn't do it for me. 

yea i dont understand it.  why do they keep making these spoofs, they are terrible (scary movie wasnt to bad) but the rest are garbage. why dont these people spend there time, money, and energy to cure cancer or something.  instead they make these movies that probably cause cancer.