OK, we have a long-running thread on best riffs, so it seems a separate thread on host segments is long overdue.
I'll start with Tom's love song to the "beautiful Creepy Girl" from CATALINA CAPER. I particularly like the lines
"Oh Creepy Girl, oh won't you be mine?
I'll give you scrolls and fish, and tinkertoys, and wi-hi-yine."
What about you?
Favorite Joel host segment would probably be the Pants Up song from DADDY-O.
Favorite Mike segment would be either the "Rompelo!" bit from PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR, or the segments from THE STARFIGHTERS, in which Crow can't get onto the internet and Mike gets "debriefed" :teddyr:
"Idiot control now" from POD PEOPLE
"You ARE magic, aren't you Trumpy?" from POD PEOPLE
"Torgo's Pizza" from MANOS: THE HANDS OF FATE
The "Only Love Pads the Film" finale from SIDEHACKERS.
"'Cause nothing lasts forever,
Only love pads the film.
Of all the dreams we treasure,
Only love, love pads the film."
The William Conrad Fridge Alert from Human Duplicators.
"Gamera is really neat, he is filled with turtle meat" song by Joel and the Bots, in Gamera vs. Guiron.
Also Mike Nelson entertaining the Mads as piano bar entertainer Michael Feinstein, in Gamera vs. Guiron.
Beginning of the End - Mike calls the Mads
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grg8ctWoDZs
Way back in the day I was watching the new MST3K with a rather dour friend of mine who (naturally) was a very serious Morrissey fan. I had convinced him he might fine the show amusing.
And then... without warning... this happened:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQR78U6zvGI
He angrily left the room and went home.
:bouncegiggle:
definately the one about the guy going to the university of minnesota :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:
Quote from: lester1/2jr on December 13, 2010, 05:19:39 PM
definately the one about the guy going to the university of minnesota :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:
"I'm Peter Graves, and I'd like to enroll at the University of Minnesota."
I love that episode and that skit is the best thing ever.
I think my personal favorite is from Agent from H.A.R.M with the whole Mike on trial storyline. I love how Prof. Bobo was able to get the better of Observer for once.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EId0oEIDwqo
Then there is the ending segment from Devil Doll. I use to torture my little brother by telling him "Your an ugly little puppet who can never have ham nor any luchein meats"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjiwSwzsby4
Then there's alwys
DEEP HURTING!
DEEP HURTING!
DEEP HURTING!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjCjgjk9n0o
RING OF TERROR
"If Chauffeurs Ruled the World"
"If chauffeurs ruled the world,
It's what I'd like to see,
Then everyone in the world
Would take a back seat to me.
I wouldn't have to drive,
I wouldn't have to steer,
'Cause all would bow down before me
In total abject fear.
All the gorgeous dames
Would worship at my feet.
I could have any one I want!
Why, even Meryl Streep!
I'd have the complete respect
Of everyone on the planet,
Including intellectuals---
Even David Mamet.
Tell me, why do I have to take
Orders from this guy?
I'd like to drop him in a bucket of boiling grease
And watch him slowly die.
If chauffeurs ruled the world,
It's what I'd like to see,
But I guess some other palooka will rule the world---
No, not me."
Crow's Ode To Estelle from THE MAGIC SWORD
As you guys I'm sure remember.
I think it was maybe last December.
I fell, pall mall, for Kim Cattrall.
But now, I'm over that.
We had our little spat.
I'm older, wiser and I know that my true love is really named...Estelle!
She's swell!
She's cute
She's rooty-toot-toot.
I bet she smells like Juicy Fruit.
She can really play a witch
She was even on Bewitched!
And I'm bewildered and bothered!
Crow, you are my buddy,
And maybe I'm a fuddy duddy
But step back please, and think about some stuff.
I'm sure that she seems nice.
But I bet she's more than twice your age.
And with your love it might not matter--
But can she control her bladder?
(spoken)
Joel: Tom, come on.
Tom: Ok, but Joel, there's a whole other set of issues here. If I may, Crow, as a friend? As a trusted advisor?
Crow: Well...
Tom: Ok.
Here's a quick list of people much better looking than Estelle
Fred Biletnikoff, Brandon Tartikoff, Sid and Marty Krofft!
Fred Gwynne and Anthony Quinn and Rin Tin Tin and Pearl Bailey
And Moms Mabley and Mayor Daley and Hank and Phoebe Snow!
Ethel Merman and Pee Wee Herman and Strom Thurmond and Vince Lombardi and George and Jesus Jones.
Edith Head and Mister Ed and Nostradamus and Danny Thomas and Leona and Sherman Hemsley!
(spoken)
Crow: Joel, make him stop!
Joel: Tom, you're not helping things at all. Can you go and clip those coupons like you promised?
Tom: Duhhh, Okay. (Singing) Willy DeVille and Agnes de Mille and Cruella DeVille and Roscoe Tanner and...
Joel: Crow, listen. Don't worry about him. Why don't you tell us more about how you're feeling?
She's a vision
I got a new mission.
Somehow I got to meet her.
So she's older...two, three, four...
She's got a great motor,
There's nothing that can beat her!
Crow, you have my blessing.
And I feel like confessing.
You're my little pal.
Go on and give it a try.
Cause you're bewildered and bothered!
From The Unearthly - Hard Pills to Swallow.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9w5WQLgcT8
Frank's constant bawling in this one just cracks me up.
Mighty Jack had a couple of funny host segments.
The commercial for Mighty Jack, from the makers of Mighty Dog and Hungry Jack. It's at 4:16.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=158eBuhW81k&feature=related
And their spoof of the "blinding light chamber" scene. It's at about the four-minute mark.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgnwXQUMFxY&feature=related
Servo: You'd better tell us what we want to know. The lights in there are capable of blinding you.
Joel: Well, that doesn't bother me. I'll just keep my eyes shut.
Crow: D'oh!
Servo: Foiled again.
The 'Orvil Reddenbacker' commercial parody.
"You're gonna be eating cheese. Government cheese!"
A Danger to Myself and Others
from ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES
Oh, I'm a danger to myself and others.
My cousins are as close as brothers.
I stay out in the rain all the time!
CROW: He's a danger to himself and others.
Only likes shows with Sally Struthers.
I can't even think of a word that rhymes.
TOM: Ya just did!
JOEL: How dumb are you Uncle-Dad?
TOM: Well pretty dumb, that's for sure!
CROW: How dumb are you Uncle-Dad?
TOM: Well this pipe's filled with manure!
ALL: We're a danger to ourselves and others.
Screw the earth and steal our mothers.
Leave us in the woods and we're just fine.
We're a danger to ourselves and others.
Good livestock with better lovers.
Hunting leeches is what we call a good time!
[Joel throws dynamite.]
The "faux Dead End Kids patois" bit at the end of The Unearthly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZiB3Dv4Avc
It's at about 6:15.
And speaking of end credits fun...
One word...from Werewolf...
"TUSKS!"
A Patrick Swayze Christmas from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZyJCV_dyug
The Observers sing "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms." Kevin Murphy really has a fantastic singing voice, although it's Mike we see lip syncing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bV4-w2H5qE
I really got a kick out of the Observers. The food pills were hilarious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81eKLe_j7sc
Quote from: HappyGilmore on December 29, 2010, 10:18:56 PM
A Patrick Swayze Christmas from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZyJCV_dyug
"I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before." :bouncegiggle:
That episode contains what may be my all-time favorite exchange:
JOEL: What do you want for Christmas, Crow?
CROW: I want to decide who lives and who dies.
JOEL: Oh, I don't know...
Joel with the big 'o yellow drum from Rocketship X-M
The mads' half of the invention exchange in THE GIANT GILA MONSTER: Renaissance Faire punching bags!
"Huzzah, my butt, you satin-suited, Tolkien-reading loser!"
The invention exchange before The Lost Continent. Frank's enhanced exercise equipment that yields extra benefits. He adapts a rowing machine to power a small boat, and invents a stepper you can climb from one level to another, as well as a treadmill that allows you to move around.
All through Track of the Moon Beast they made fun of John Longbone for his love of stew made of chicken....corn...green peppers......onions.....
Quote from: Rev. Powell on January 29, 2011, 06:57:54 PM
Quote from: HappyGilmore on December 29, 2010, 10:18:56 PM
A Patrick Swayze Christmas from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZyJCV_dyug
"I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before." :bouncegiggle:
That episode contains what may be my all-time favorite exchange:
JOEL: What do you want for Christmas, Crow?
CROW: I want to decide who lives and who dies.
JOEL: Oh, I don't know...
Probably my all time favorite episode. Which says a lot, cause I love so many of them.
"it's a Patrick Swayze Christmas"
The Final Sacrifice, when everybody comes down with hockey hair, except Mike, who's already had it. :bouncegiggle:
Quote from: AndyC on February 18, 2011, 08:23:29 AM
The Final Sacrifice, when everybody comes down with hockey hair, except Mike, who's already had it. :bouncegiggle:
And Mike's immunity makes him more susceptible to Grizzled Old Prospector Syndrome.
Servo: Have you been kissing any prospectors?
Mike: Nope... Wait... Nope, that was a surly truck farmer. Durn fine kisser, though.
And from Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, all of the Public Pearl pledge drive segments.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwELovShqqs
Quote from: Raffine on December 29, 2010, 03:23:17 AM
A Danger to Myself and Others
from ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES
Oh, I'm a danger to myself and others.
My cousins are as close as brothers.
I stay out in the rain all the time!
CROW: He's a danger to himself and others.
Only likes shows with Sally Struthers.
I can't even think of a word that rhymes.
TOM: Ya just did!
JOEL: How dumb are you Uncle-Dad?
TOM: Well pretty dumb, that's for sure!
CROW: How dumb are you Uncle-Dad?
TOM: Well this pipe's filled with manure!
ALL: We're a danger to ourselves and others.
Screw the earth and steal our mothers.
Leave us in the woods and we're just fine.
We're a danger to ourselves and others.
Good livestock with better lovers.
Hunting leeches is what we call a good time!
[Joel throws dynamite.]
A true classic, but until I re-watched it I had forgotten that the same episode gave us the malfunctioning holo-clown segment.
HOLO CLOWN: Did I show you my magical whimsical squirting flower?
TOM: Yes, about a kazillion times!
HOLO CLOWN: Aw... well did I show you my rash?
HOLO CLOWN: Hey little girl... would you like a salted nut roll?
HOLO CLOWN A starts spontaneously freaking out.
HOLO CLOWN B: What are you yelling about? Shut up! You think I like being stuck in limbo with you? Get on your orange and yellow knees and kiss my clown feet that I haven't killed you!
You are magic, Trumpy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMspcxr1Vi8&NR=1
Pearl gives Brain Guy a hump.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED-viWSZL2w&feature=related
Torgo's Pizza
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__0C1lxp1Q4
All of the Timmy segments from Fire Maidens from Outer Space...Surprisingly creepy, for me anyway. :buggedout:
From Outlaw:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ePusmtf1IQ
Two good ones in THE REBEL SET.
In the opening, Joel is reading the bots scary bedtime stories, but they're too jaded to be scared by Stephen King. So Joel goes to the most horrifying tome of all... "Life's Little Instruction Book."
Then, there's the "Who's Merritt Stone?" sequence to close the episode.
Also two good ones in MONSTER A GO-Go.
Gypsy doesn't "get" Crow. She can't explain exactly what it is she doesn't get, though. "Is it because I often panic while making sandwiches?," Crow wonders. Maybe it's Tom she doesn't get?
In the closer, Tom is a happy king and Crow is Sir Giggles von Laughs-a-Lot.
"Dull surprise!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVGvszaIr-w
Quote from: bob on March 01, 2011, 11:53:30 AM
Torgo's Pizza
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__0C1lxp1Q4
Love it. I also love the fact that Frank and Dr. Forrester separately apologize to Joel for the movie. "I know it's our job to send you really bad movies, but this time, even I have to admit, we really went too far."
During The Amazing Colossal Man, when Joel sits in a miniature room and recreates the movie. "Aaaaah, I'm huge!"
Sidehacking terminology.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B77pJqwN-D4
The "plot shanty" at the end of Mighty Jack.
Slow the plot down, laddie
Slow the plot down
Way hey, slow the plot down
Just scuttle the story and run 'er aground
We'll try so hard to slow the plot down
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rc9ChlLKHJ0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RHVoFpncgA
Quote from: bob on June 02, 2011, 09:41:50 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RHVoFpncgA
Servo: Ya lousy, stinkin' francophonic bacon-lovin' bastards!
I love that line.
The "Hell Works in Subtle Ways" sketch from EEGAH!
JOEL: Hell works better when it's a lot more subtle. Here, I'll give you an example. Okay, Crow, what do you think of Adolf Hitler?
CROW: Well, I hate him, naturally.
JOEL: Right. Now, what do you think of the band Styx?
CROW: Well, they had one or two decent...Oh my God, you're right!
***
TOM: Joel, what chance do we have in a world that keeps presenting us with vivid images of Hell?
JOEL: Well, there's personal liberty, strength of conviction, those have been known to work... Then there's the time the country rallies together to beat back Hell, like the time we as a nation said "no" to Yahoo Serious.
Trust me, that last bit is hilarious if you remember Yahoo Serious... :bouncegiggle:
Crow's lovable catchphrase from the beginning of Overdrawn at the Memory Bank. "You know you want me, baby!"
Starts at about 1:30
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fy5QsDabicM
The Public Pearl pledge drive is great too.
Samson vs. the Vampire Women - Frank is taken to Second Banana Heaven by Torgo the White.
All the segments in MITCHELL were aces. I particularly like the 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY reference where Gypsy plays HAL.
Also, in the beginning when Frank & Dr. F are rummaging through old boxes, they find Dr. F's old "Evilos" project: he sewed the butt of a dog onto the butt of a cat.
I think it was during Laserblast that Mike dressed up like Kate Mulgrew in Star Trek Voyager and started barking orders to help the ship escape from a black hole. It was hilarious and just a little disturbing.
Mary Jo's appearance as Jan in the Pan in THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE. It gives us closure on a beloved film character. It's nice to know that she finally came to terms with her decapitation, got over that whole "wanting to die" phase, and found fulfilling work as a doorstop.
The "Swing Choir" segment from SKYDIVERS. Like most people I'd never heard of a "swing choir."
But it's preceded by one of my favorite little absurd throwaway sketches. Frank greets Mike & the Bots:
FRANK: "Hey, Nelstone. I call you that 'cause you are so stoned. You are so high. You wake and bake every morning, man. You..."
DR. F: "Frank! What are you doing!"
FRANK: "I... really don't know."
From INVASION OF THE NEPTUNE MEN:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa-Kx5M-8Ak
from THE REBEL SET:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb33DhS0jiA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBi2IQIUcNs&feature=related
"Have you ever heard that the bird is the word?"
Just watched The Amazing Transparent Man episode, where Dr. Forrester and "Auntie McFrank" open a bed and breakfast. Cracked up at the "local colour" provided by Mike and the bots.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGIt_AQwLwk
"You people bring matches for Mikey?" :bouncegiggle:
from SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MghATLN4ZGs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGEAu1la3Fg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1xfxmfqGOc
I love how they bring in all these characters from other experiments.
from THE SWORD AND THE DRAGON:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2f0nfrgaK4
from GIRL IN LOVERS LANE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQjrYGLlxps
"The first lucky 10,000 kids get slide whistles. The second 10,000 lucky kids get brass knuckles."
Codename: Diamondhead - Magic Voice teaches the bots to appreciate Mike by showing them some alternatives.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_BWcebPJbs
I forget which episode, but "Earth Versus Soup"
Imagine the terror of soup crawling toward you on all fours.
Quote from: AndyC on February 18, 2011, 08:23:29 AM
The Final Sacrifice, when everybody comes down with hockey hair, except Mike, who's already had it. :bouncegiggle:
:teddyr: :teddyr:
And Pearl attending to Bobo who wants to watch
Power Rangers and screams that "it's time for my hourly Ben and Jerrys!" :teddyr: :teddyr:
Quote from: AndyC on February 23, 2011, 09:35:03 AM
Servo: Have you been kissing any prospectors?
Mike: Nope... Wait... Nope, that was a surly truck farmer. Durn fine kisser, though.
:bouncegiggle: :teddyr:
Tom and Crow's reactions to what Mike says are very funny indeed. :teddyr:
I think it's from Blood Waters Of Dr Z where Brain Guy and Bobo do a scene from Glengarry Glen Ross naked. :buggedout: :buggedout:
The Jet Jaguar theme song translation is one of my favourites:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cxV8Bf8ND4
However I think the Peter Graves one was the best:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gy0Gd2-GdOI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8TQx5Pqcnk
"Nipples. Many sizes, many shapes." :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:
I would have to say the segment featuring Mike and the Bots during which Crow and Tom are dressed as secret service agents, trying to protect Mike. Right before the segment cuts away, Tom's head falls off (which clearly was NOT meant to happen). They roll with it anyway, and the result is hilarious.
THE BEATNIKS: Prof Forrester and Frank are dressed in good luck Troll costumes.
Prof F: "Shuddup Frank or I'll let the dog play with you." :teddyr:
Gunslinger
Joel, Servo, & Crow are lying in coffins and talk about death.
Crow: "Joel, can I get mummified and be laid next to Stalin."
Joel: "Sure, honey."
THE FINAL SACRIFICE: Pearl decides to rule the world one. person. at. a. time. :teddyr: :teddyr:
From Devil Fish:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8xbGsaEnc0
The Torgo interview from VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS: :teddyr: :teddyr:
Torgo takes about an hour to get from the door to the chair and Doctor Forrester grabs and pulls him along.
Torgo: "There........... were........ san....it....ation......prob.....lems...." :teddyr: :teddyr:
The Tom Servo choirs are a favorite of mine.
Tom Servo Sings "Delta Knights" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aathldHtnJA#)
best part is them singing the second song, and Mike getting upset with them.
http://youtu.be/dUh85A4M4Ds (http://youtu.be/dUh85A4M4Ds)
This one comes to mind. :bouncegiggle:
At the end of The Beatniks, Tom gets knifed by Crow, collapses on the table and says "Take.......care......of my turtle......." :teddyr: :teddyr:
It Conquered The World: the Dinner insults segment :bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:
TOM: "Mmmm..You know that pie was delicious, did you bake it yourself?'
JOEL: "Oh no, it's just a recipe my grandmother stole from the bakery."
[CROW slurps down coffee]
JOEL: "Hey, you want some more?"
CROW: "Only half a gallon."
JOEL: "What are you so smug about? You look like a man who's just inherited Texas."
TOM: [slurps coffee] "Well, it may not be too far off. You know, this coffee tastes like it came out of an oil derrick. What did you strain it through, a mummy?" :buggedout:
CROW: "Yeah. The coffee tastes like mud. Roger Mudd."
TOM: "Oh, the coffee wasn't half as bad as the dinner."
JOEL: "Well, I always burn it when you come home drunk."
CROW: "So you burn it every night?"
JOEL: "Don't bring that up again."
CROW: "I have to bring it up: if I hold it in, I'll die." :buggedout:
TOM: "Dye! That's what this coffee tastes like. Dye!"
JOEL: "Did you two get enough? You hardly touched your steak."
CROW: "I didn't want to touch it, it scared me."
TOM: "Yeah, talking about steaks being tough, I thought they retired mail-order studs."
JOEL: "Well, what would you know about being a stud?"
CROW: "The meat was better if you put that fuzzy gravy on it."
TOM: "Oh, was that gravy? I thought the dog had been sick." :tongueout:
CROW: "I've never seen spam served so many ways, especially in a jello."
TOM: [coughs] "You know, halfway through the dinner, my fillet got up and beat the hell out of my coffee and the coffee was too weak to defend itself." :bouncegiggle:
JOEL: [offended] "Oh well, it looks like you enjoyed the marinade or were you just being a pig?"
CROW: "Hey, the only thing that's marinated around here is Tom."
TOM: "Oh that's great. Why don't you just skip dinner and go straight to passing out on the table?"
JOEL: "OK, keep it down you two."
CROW: "I don't think I can keep anything down if I have to keep looking at that dessert."
TOM: "Oh, you know on second thoughts, forget about the pie and just read the recipe."
:bouncegiggle: :bouncegiggle:
I always liked the parts in BOGGY CREEK 2 when Pearl tries to build a Bigfoot-esque mythos around Bobo to draw in tourists.
Expecially when the rube kid at the end sees Bobo:
"Hey he's just a talking gorilla. What's the big deal about a talking gorilla? You're a bad lady! You tried to trick my mommy! (Kicks Pearl in the shin.) And you're a dumb legend!"
Bobo: "Yeah, well so are you kid! Heh heh, I really stuck it to that lil' brat."
The segment where both Tom and Crow turn into pods of themselves. :teddyr:
! No longer available (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Px2YpmHLg8c#)
Funny to watch some of the earlier episodes, and see Prof. Bobo as competent.