I have been celibate by choice since September 2004 - this was entirely self imposed and almost seven years later, I feel like I should end my monk / eunuch status. Any thoughts on celibacy, anyone? Humankind should be relieved that I'm not muddying the gene pool at all but there you go. :twirl: :wink:
As a Christian, I practice it and I'm only to stick with it until I get married. I think it is a good idea since I get to save myself for a very special someone and plus, I avoid doing something I might regret later.
I see it as a choice that deserves some respect, especially with all the pressure to have sex these days.
I really want to 'cop a feel' right now...
:bluesad:
Darksider, I appreciate your offer, but you just don't have the parts I'm looking for... :wink:
(I may start a sexually frustrated thread. Knowing us, it could end up being very popular !)
Quote from: Doggett on February 20, 2011, 01:54:08 PM
Darksider, I appreciate your offer, but you just don't have the parts I'm looking for... :wink:
What parts? Automotive? :tongueout:
I could not go celibate but I respect those that do. The "nasty" is too much of a necessity for me.
I was celibate until marriage. It was the most difficult thing I ever did, but one thing I am most proud of.
Trevor, we need to find you a mate - preferably human, but a Vulcan female would be OK too. Maybe we could do some sort of bachelor auction.
I spent too much time celebate before marriage, and not by choice! I did force myself to stop trying for a while, too many bad choices on my part and I needed to rethink what I was about. So I understand your break.
But my friend, its more than bumpin uglies... You need a nice person to just spend time with. You got some qualities old boy.Those need sharing.
-Ed
I couldnt do it. I love sex.
I'm with The Gravekeeper and Ed:
Quote from: The Gravekeeper on February 20, 2011, 01:34:45 PM
I see it as a choice that deserves some respect, especially with all the pressure to have sex these days.
Quote from: A Man Called Ed on February 20, 2011, 02:58:06 PMBut my friend, its more than bumpin uglies... You need a nice person to just spend time with. You got some qualities old boy.Those need sharing.
Trevor, my thoughts differ depending on the reason you are looking to end your celibacy: Is there someone it feels 'right' to be with? Have you simply come to the point where you figure "why not?" ? Or has the need to satisfy the itch/urge become a priority? All different situations, each with their own merits. (I'm really hoping for you for it to be the first scenario. :wink:) My advice: You are an adult. don't ever let yourself be pressured into anything; be open to possibilities but always be true to yourself - no matter what path you choose.
I'm not going to talk about my personal experiences, just my opinion. I am not so much against celibacy as I am against promiscuity. As long as the person you are with means a LOT to you and you are willing to be with this person for the rest of your life, it shouldn't matter whether you are married or not (or not yet). I'm not the biggest fan of getting together with a random person (or acquaintance) just for the sake of sex.
If that makes sense.
I don't think my husband would like it. :bouncegiggle:
Honestly, I don't get it. I'm not trying to be rude, I know the definition, but I don't understand the practice. And what's the difference between abstinent and celibate? I get that clergy take vows of celibacy, but unless you have an addiction or something, I don't understand why someone stops and decides to label themselves celibate. Does that mean you're not trying to find a significant other of any sort, or that if you do find someone, you will refuse the no pants dance with that person, at least until you have deemed yourself not celibate which presumably is a most special day like when you get married or when McDonalds starts offering breakfast 24/7? My husband and I waited until we were married, kind of just because we wanted to be responsible, and I like the whole romantic wedding night idea, but if it was very important to him, he probably could have persuaded me to rethink that once my feelings for him were established and I knew he was hooked for life. Other guys I dated before him I simply just told No.. though, that wasn't always happily accepted and I probably would have been better off using a dictionary word like "celibate" because then they'd have to go home and look the word up before continuing the conversation. I think I just answered my own question.. go get 'em tiger!
I wasn't celebate until marriage, but until I lost my virginity to someone I care about. I didn't want to treat sex like it was something that needed to happen right now or over-obsess about it. As such, I feel like celebacy is a choice and that the parameters of said celebacy should be set by you. I feel it's a much wiser move than screwing everything with and orifice and complaining later about having kids before someone is ready or STDs. Sadly, I have a lot of friends in both boats.
Quote from: Paquita on February 20, 2011, 11:52:58 PM
Honestly, I don't get it. I'm not trying to be rude, I know the definition, but I don't understand the practice. And what's the difference between abstinent and celibate? I get that clergy take vows of celibacy, but unless you have an addiction or something, I don't understand why someone stops and decides to label themselves celibate. Does that mean you're not trying to find a significant other of any sort, or that if you do find someone, you will refuse the no pants dance with that person, at least until you have deemed yourself not celibate which presumably is a most special day like when you get married or when McDonalds starts offering breakfast 24/7? My husband and I waited until we were married, kind of just because we wanted to be responsible, and I like the whole romantic wedding night idea, but if it was very important to him, he probably could have persuaded me to rethink that once my feelings for him were established and I knew he was hooked for life. Other guys I dated before him I simply just told No.. though, that wasn't always happily accepted and I probably would have been better off using a dictionary word like "celibate" because then they'd have to go home and look the word up before continuing the conversation. I think I just answered my own question.. go get 'em tiger!
That's a good question, about the difference between celibacy and abstinence. I'm thinking abstinence means "not now" and celibacy means "not ever." I don't think saving it for marriage counts as celibacy, nor does simply failing to get laid.
Another question. Does celibacy only apply to relations with other people? While the thought of abstaining from intercourse is unpleasant, abstaining from everything seems downright unthinkable. Not that I really want the discussion to go in that direction.
Celibacy is wrong and rude and un-natural, and one of the things which will always try to drag upon and destroy the modern Catholic Church. How's that for a neutral and polite statement? Not so good, I think . . .
Christianity is based upon Judaism. Judaism demands that a man make love to his wife before the Sabbath, and that the priests (Enochian) of Judaism - the "rabbis" - ne. teachers of the faith - make love to their wives as well before they should be allowed to speak in Temple on the Sabbath or High Holy Days.
Sex is good for everyone. We should all have as much sex as we can, whenever we can, and God take the hindmost - I am very very sad about everyone's situation where they are not participating in sex, and that is tragic.
Just another Extremely Average opinion on the Extremely Weird Board j-
peter.
Quote from: InformationGeek on February 20, 2011, 01:08:23 PM
As a Christian, I practice it and I'm only to stick with it until I get married. I think it is a good idea since I get to save myself for a very special someone and plus, I avoid doing something I might regret later.
I think opinions like those deserve quite a few of these :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Quote from: indianasmith on February 20, 2011, 02:49:25 PM
I was celibate until marriage. It was the most difficult thing I ever did, but one thing I am most proud of.
I only lost my virginity - at age 36! - when I was in a committed relationship.
QuoteTrevor, we need to find you a mate - preferably human, but a Vulcan female would be OK too. Maybe we could do some sort of bachelor auction.
:teddyr: :teddyr:
Let me see................
T'Pring: too cold.
T'Pau: too old! :buggedout:
Saavik 1 [Kirstie Alley]: yes please! :smile:
T'Lar: Too small and too old: request for nookie is not logical: that was only done in ages past and then only in legend. :wink:
Saavik 2 [Robin Curtis]: yes please!
Valeris: No sideburns, no sex appeal: so no boom boom with soul brother. :buggedout: :buggedout:
Quote from: A Man Called Ed on February 20, 2011, 02:58:06 PM
But my friend, its more than bumpin uglies...
With me it will definitely be bumpin' uglies..... :buggedout: :buggedout: :wink:
QuoteYou need a nice person to just spend time with. You got some qualities old boy.Those need sharing.
-Ed
Awwww............. HUG
Quote from: The DarkSider on February 20, 2011, 02:33:19 PM
What parts? Automotive? :tongueout:
:buggedout: :buggedout: + :teddyr: :teddyr: :teddyr:
Quote from: Newt on February 20, 2011, 04:17:06 PM
Is there someone it feels 'right' to be with?
Yes, very definitely: a co-worker (unmarried, not in a relationship) as it happens.
QuoteHave you simply come to the point where you figure "why not?" ? Or has the need to satisfy the itch/urge become a priority?
I took a look at myself in the mirror a few days ago and realized that I'm getting old: I need to be someone's lover now before I get so old that they have to put a paper bag over my head in order not to puke while having boom-boom with soul brother. :buggedout: :buggedout: :wink:
Quote from: SPazzo on February 20, 2011, 09:07:29 PM
I'm not going to talk about my personal experiences, just my opinion. I am not so much against celibacy as I am against promiscuity. As long as the person you are with means a LOT to you and you are willing to be with this person for the rest of your life, it shouldn't matter whether you are married or not (or not yet). I'm not the biggest fan of getting together with a random person (or acquaintance) just for the sake of sex.
If that makes sense.
It does, thanks. If I choose to end my 'monk-ness' of the last seven years, I will and I will do so responsibly: no sowing wild oats or anything like that.
I've always loved sex, sometimes to my own detriment. I've gotten involved with men who were completely unsuitable, just so I could have someone to snuggle up to at night.
But a few years ago, I was dumped by my then boyfriend of one year and I went into a tailspin. I decided men were too much trouble and swore off them completely.
Normally I would be back on the scene within 3 months but one thing led to another and one day I realised it had been 4 years since I'd had any nookie. Not even a hug or a handshake did I experience from a man.
It was the best thing I ever did.
It forced me to take a long hard look at myself and how I was behaving to the world in general and how I was treating myself (which wasn't very well). So I did a lot of spiritual work on myself and started to be the kind of person that I wanted to attract. That's when I met my current partner Sean :teddyr:
I don't think celibacy is for everyone and people who voluntarily practice it - I take my hat off to you. My own celibacy was quite unintentional and I'm not sure if I could do that again. But I'm not actually having that much sex now even though Sean and I are together. It's forced me to look at my relationship with this man on a much deeper level than just sex. Which is marvellous for me.
Everyone is different and I think you must be true to yourself ALWAYS, regardless of what pop culture tells you or your friends, or neighbours, or family. Whatever is your choice is the correct one and you need to stick by that.
Quote from: Killer Bees on February 21, 2011, 05:49:12 AM
I decided men were too much trouble and swore off them completely.
People often ask me what the middle initial T in my name stands for: my standard answer is "Trouble". :buggedout: :wink:
Quote from: vukxfiles on February 21, 2011, 07:24:42 AM
Sex is the most important thing in the world for all living organisms, because everything in biology is connected to reproduction. Evolution, survival, everything relies on sex. The most perfect organisms survive just to have a chance at reproducing and spreading their genes.
And masturbation is good, spilling seed is good, not god or religion can forbid what you do in your own privacy.
PS: I ahve a right to write what I want as long as it isn't flaming, so "F you" to everyone who says otherwise.
As a matter of fact, posting on this board is not a right. It's a privilege. A privilege that hinges on treating other people with respect.
If I may put on my moderator's hat for a moment, I'm going to ask you nicely to lose the belligerent tone, and stop dragging this particular fight into other threads.
I don't think many people on this board would disagree with your views on celibacy, if you took the chip off your shoulder and kept your comments relevant to the discussion at hand.
Wait, are you guys talking about abstinence from marriage or abstinance from sex?
If it is about marriage then I believe marriage is a hum,an invention, it doesn't exist in nature thus has no objective meaning whatsoever.
Quote from: vukxfiles on February 21, 2011, 10:18:10 AM
Wait, are you guys talking about abstinence from marriage or abstinance from sex?
If it is about marriage then I believe marriage is a hum,an invention, it doesn't exist in nature thus has no objective meaning whatsoever.
Like usual, you have no clue what you are talking about. There are many examples of animals that mate for life... "in nature."
But hey, never let facts get in the way of a good trolling... :lookingup:
Quote from: ulthar on February 21, 2011, 11:28:16 AM
Quote from: vukxfiles on February 21, 2011, 10:18:10 AM
Wait, are you guys talking about abstinence from marriage or abstinance from sex?
If it is about marriage then I believe marriage is a hum,an invention, it doesn't exist in nature thus has no objective meaning whatsoever.
Like usual, you have no clue what you are talking about. There are many examples of animals that mate for life... "in nature."
But hey, never let facts get in the way of a good trolling... :lookingup:
Animals never marry. I wasn't talking about monogamy not existing in nature, I was talking about marriage. You can still be monogamous and not be married, by having one GIRLFRIEND for life. Marriage causes problems.
OK, so you've gone from the reasonable position of sex being natural and healthy and good, to your usual stance that you want to be the centre of your own little universe, and you think science backs you up on it.
And the distinction between being married and shacking up for life is what is truly imaginary. Around here, and in many other countries, the law doesn't make that distinction. You live with somebody long enough, you're considered married whether you have a ceremony or not. I'm assuming you think having a girlfriend for life means you can take off and leave your family with nothing if things don't go your way. Besides being a fantasy, it shows you don't believe in monogamy at all, nor do you really understand what it is.
Now, I think we'd best get this thread back on topic.
Quote from: Trevor on February 21, 2011, 03:17:15 AM
Quote from: Newt on February 20, 2011, 04:17:06 PM
Is there someone it feels 'right' to be with?
Yes, very definitely: a co-worker (unmarried, not in a relationship) as it happens.
WOOT! This made me :teddyr: :teddyr: :teddyr: Best news I have heard all week. :thumbup:
Quote from: Newt on February 21, 2011, 02:18:54 PM
Quote from: Trevor on February 21, 2011, 03:17:15 AM
Quote from: Newt on February 20, 2011, 04:17:06 PM
Is there someone it feels 'right' to be with?
Yes, very definitely: a co-worker (unmarried, not in a relationship) as it happens.
WOOT! This made me :teddyr: :teddyr: :teddyr: Best news I have heard all week. :thumbup:
Go get her !
She's only staying single for you, you delicious hunk of man ! :teddyr:
"Yes, very definitely: a co-worker (unmarried, not in a relationship) as it happens."
Oy, I misread the unmarried tyo be married... and was full of woe on your behalf, I'm so glad I was wrong.
0-Ed
Quote from: vukxfiles on February 21, 2011, 11:41:35 AM
Animals never marry. I wasn't talking about monogamy not existing in nature, I was talking about marriage. You can still be monogamous and not be married, by having one GIRLFRIEND for life. Marriage causes problems.
:bouncegiggle:
I couldn't help but chuckle, imagining a Monkey wedding. Come on, everyone do it, it's fun!
I bet the Father of the Bride went bananas when he heard his little girl was getting hitched. :twirl:
In any case, is there even such a thing from abstinence from being married? Isn't that just being not married?
Anywho:
To those who practice celibacy willingly [and effectively] :thumbup:
To those who are thrust onto it only because of a lack of interest :bluesad:
To those who bump and grind their way through life :hot:
Personally I'm in it for the companionship, and the physicality of having someone to share your time with [not necessarily sexually]. All the better it happens to be with someone I care alot about and who lets me get near their swimsuit areas, though to be perfectly honest I'd be perfectly happy doing the nasty like a rock star with meaningless hookups.
As long as I had somebody to share my time with I'd be pretty happy, despite me being the happy monogamist that I am. :thumbup: Whilst I'm happy in love, I recognise that realistically love and sex don't have to be joined at the hip. :wink:
Celibacy is a tough mental task, if only for the fact that our brains and bodies are wired against it. I think people put too much pressure on it either way. At one point I actually benched myself for about a year, and as Bees mentioned, sometimes being 'out of action' can make you realise a few things about yourself and for me it was that the act of sex is just a fun thing to do. I love doing it, but to be honest, I could just as easily spend my time doing something else more practical [then months later probably snap and do something stupid...]
As long as you don't let your promiscuity or your celibacy define you then I don't see what the problem is.
Anyways Trevor, good luck in your endeavours, be it getting closer to this colleague physically or emotionally. Because that's really what I'm hearing: that you want to get to know this person better because they seem like a good sort, and if you happen to get to know them more while doing the horizontal tango, all the better!
We have urges. Those urges are there for a reason. Sex is something we are driven by nature to do.
We have brains that have the ability to reason. That ability is also there for a reason. Reasoning and making decisions is something we are driven by nature to do.
Somewhere in between those two truths we have the capability of making sound choices AND satisfying our natural urges, however much we as humans may fail to do, either a lot or a little.
As a board I think we should feel flattered that you would want our input on this, Trevor. I appreciate Newt's probing and I'm with her: go for it!
What's the purpose of marriage? Well, going by my anthropology class (yeah, yeah, I've only taken the one but I still have to take more classes in departments other than Art, so you can bet that Anthro, Archeology and Psychology are the top of my list of subjects I intend to learn more about), one of the basic, secular purposes of marriage is to place social pressure on a couple to stick together so that any children they have are more likely to get properly looked after. Can single parents raise children? Sure. It's just a hell of a lot harder to find the time to both raise the money required for meeting their basic needs and to sit down and raise. Young kids don't need "quality time," they need quantity.
I firmly believe in abstinence until you are with the person, that special somebody, you feel is right. I don't think it's very smart to have as many partners as you can and that seems kind of sad and meaningless to me although I hope those who do practice this take as many precautions as they possibly can. I went many years before I found the right person and while I didn't wait unil marriage, I never rushed into anything thoughtless or with somebody I had no feelings for...