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 "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"- A Review

What do you get when you combine the vacuous subruban spoiled rich valley girls of "Clueless" and the classic vampires of vampire lore?

A disjointed, poorly written, un-funny but somehow enjoyable piece of trash called "Buffy The Vampire Slayer".

Kristy Swanson, whose way too talented for this film, stars as the titular "Buffy The Vampire Slayer". By all accounts Buffy (no last name in the movie, but "Summers" in the subsequent TV series) is your typical valley girl chick. She's obsessed with shopping, her clothes and her nails. The last thing on her mind would seem to be vampires. So, as you can imagine it comes as quite a shock to Buffy when it is revealed by her old-man/stalker/mentor/pedophile watcher Merrick-Jamison Smythe (Donald Sutherland- Jack Bauer's brother) that he's been watching her for years. He's seen her grow up from childhood, destined to be a freedom fighter against a growing vampire menace.

As you'd probably imagine, Buffy is a bit reluctant to beleive him. To, umm, prove his trustworthiness he actually throws a knife at her. I know I'd trust someone who whipped a sharp obeject at my face.... In  a demonstration of her hidden power Buffy is able to catch it, with no injuries to her hands.

During this there's a subplot developing involving vampire lord, Lothos (Rutger Hauer, of the original "Hitcher" fame) and his minion Amilyn (Paul Reuben-- yes, that Paul Reuben....) turning a down on his luck loser Benny Jacks (David Arquette) into a vampire. Of course, Benny happens to know Buffy's growing love interest Oliver Pike, who's played by perrenial under-the-radar leading man Luke Perry.

So with all that said, Merrick is finally able to convince Buffy to fight for his cause. As you'd imagine, Buffy's life is turned upside down; first Buffy's forced to miss her cheerleader practice, then she's forced to attack a cute basketball player (because he's a vampire) in the middle of a game.

But, no one watches a movie like this for the plot. And its clear that "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" is not a movie that takes itself seriously. And thank God for that; "Buffy's" best qualities are its often subversive comedy moments.

Without a doubt, "Buffy" was certainly influenced by Los Angeles' valley girl culture. Spoiled baby-boomers who spend their time shopping and partying do not good Vampire Slayers make, and we're sure to milk that ideal for all its worth. Donald Sutherland's Merrick plays a great straight man to Swanson's  airheaded portrayal  of  the "chosen one". "You mean my keen fashion sense won't help?"- yeah.....

Former Pee-Wee Herman Paul Rebuen is also another small pleasure here. His Amilyn is stereotypically theatrical in the vain of an Anne Rice character. That's awesome, except it's Paul Reuben who I honestly never would've recognized with his long hair and mustache/goatee.

Rutger Hauer plays the pitch-perfect straight man to Reuben's over the top performance.

And in reality it's really these performances that save an otherwise dysmal movie. The plot is flimsy, with the expected "apocolypse" being averted by Buffy and her valley girl friends banding together to drive back the menace, not without losing Merrick in the process- and that's a real shame. Merrick's death marrs an otherwise light-hearted movie with an unfortunately out of place heavy dramatic scene.

But in all "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" is a light, throw away popcorn comedy. And in truth, it's better than it has any right to be. It's certainly not highbrow entertainment, but it's still perfectly acceptable for an hour and a half of entertainment.

6/10: (Take it or leave it; if you've got the right taste or the right frame of mind "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" is perfectly solid entertainment.)

It's a pretty entertaining movie, this one. But what's incredible is the fantastic, successful and epic TV series which spawned from it.

What DistantJ said, but without the word "entertaining" in "It's a pretty entertaining movie, . . ."

That vampire who gets staked and just is there writhing around going "ughhh. aaah. aaah. nngh. ngh ngh ngh." for the rest of the friggin movie and even during the credits makes the whole movie worthwhile for me.

That was the always HIGH-larious Paul Reubens (better known as child predator/coke addict/kids TV show host Pee-Wee Herman)

I prefer the film to the television series.
Kristy Swanson has a coolness that Sarah doesn't have.

I agree, I can't stand the TV series though. The film is better as a stand-alone, dark comedy concept. 144 episodes of bad one-liners between bad kung-fu kicks does grate on the nerves quite a tad.  :bluesad:

Those early 90's fashions are better, too.