I has a penis

[Menard]

Aside from being a play on the 'I has a bucket' threads, and giving Andrew another reason to say 'why me', there is actually a theme to this thread.

The axiom of this thread is 'if you have a penis, you must like..._____'. [fill in the blank]

There is no political correctness here, this is simply a thread about the things guys like (feel free to chime in any way you wish, ladies).


If you have a penis, you must like cars.

From ultimate gearheads to basement dwelling geeks (yeah...got something to say?), guys simply have a thing for cars. Whether it be the latest import tuners, classic cars, muscle cars, rods, concept cars, etc., guys get a hard-on when it comes to cars.

I was once at a dealership, making my way to the sales office, when I heard several of the salesmen oohing and ahhing about something. When I stepped into the door of the sales manager's office, several of them were sitting there looking at a calendar. As they flipped each page, they went into a frenzy, followed by comments like 'she's a beaut', 'nice body', etc. I walked my way around to spy the calendar, expecting to see a playboy calendar, and instead seeing a car calendar.

My favorite cars are from the classic muscle car period of the late 60s and early 70s. I am rather fond of Mopar, with such models as:

The Cuda



The Dodge Challenger, and another Cuda



Dodge Superbee



Plymouth Superbird



These are real mean machines, not some p***y cars like what you find in movies like The Fast and the Furious (the piece of crap version with Vin Diesel).


What cars do you like?

Or

Start another 'If you have a penis, you must like..._____'.

[Ash]

So, this is a "guys only" thread eh?

OK...
If you have a penis, you'll like Maxim's Hometown Hotties Contest
(if you don't then you're officially gay...not that there's anything wrong with that)  

The girl I think is the most beautiful out of all of the women on that page?
This chick


This girl runs a close second.


You may disagree.
Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

[Menard]

If you have a penis, you'll like Maxim's Hometown Hotties Contest
(if you don't then you're officially gay...not that there's anything wrong with that)  

What's wrong Ash? Don't like naked women?

Maxim and Stuff magazines, and the American version of FHM, are for boys who can't handle naked women. Here's a concept: stand a beautiful woman in front of a camera and snap her picture; that's about as creative as their photographers get.

Not that there's anything wrong with sexy poses, as I used to make a living photographing women that way, and they do get creative ever once in a while in Maxim and Stuff, but bikini and lingerie shots are tepid compared to what Playboy and Penthouse has to offer.

Stuff and Maxim remind me of an episode of Happy Days where Richie and company are trying to get something on Richie's opposition in the run for some college elected position. While going through this guy's stuff in his room, they come across a men's magazine. Potsie begins looking at the magazine and comments on one particular picture 'boy, wouldn't you like to see those in a sweater', to which Ralph just rolls his eyes.

Stuff and Maxim are for Potsie's who want to see them in a sweater.

If you have a penis, you must like naked women.

If you prefer your women dressed, you're a Potsie.

[raj]

In addition to chicks, guys like blowing stuff up.  Even if it is just ladyfinger firecrackers, explosions are cool.

[flackbait]

In addition to chicks, guys like blowing stuff up.  Even if it is just ladyfinger firecrackers, explosions are cool.

The bigger the better(explosions).

[Dr. Whom]

In addition to chicks, guys like blowing stuff up.  Even if it is just ladyfinger firecrackers, explosions are cool.

The bigger the better(explosions).

Just see my motto below 

[ulthar]

Okay, so how many of you have ACTUALLY blown anything up?   

[Andrew]

Okay, so how many of you have ACTUALLY blown anything up?   

Do I get to answer that one?

I think you have some of the usual suspects for me:  attractive women, classic muscle cars, tools, firearms, swords, and b-movies (not that I'm saying anything about Susan and the other ladies who stop by).

Need to find this original picture and have it rescanned:




The kitchen I built for our house in GA (I was cleaning up when Katie took the picture).  The cabinets were built entirely from rough oak and walnut (all hardwood, no plywood) in my workshop with my tools:






My drop holster with my knife attached.  That is a Mission MPT knife, which actually survived being used to cut through the side of a (wooden) building and being used as a prybar.  That and my Busse Satin Jack Tac are my two hard use knives.  I don't have safe queens:

[Andrew]

I've got a late one that is an addition from the wife, caused by my viewing of "Ghost Ships of the Blind Dead" last night:  Italian Zombie Films.  Apparently, liking them is something unique to men. 

Yes, I tried to explain to her that they were undead Templars, not zombies...

[JaseSF]

I haven't met too many young women into classic black and white movies like I am, especially not drive-in B-Movies like HOT ROD GIRL, I WAS A TEENAGE WEREWOLF, etc.. Older women yes but not so much with those my own age and younger.

Ash, any gal into the Ramones is cool by me.

[Shadow]

My wife will watch almost anything with me. It may be from the 30's or from last year, and she'll sit with me and give it a look...except any zombie movie featuring flesh-eating zombies.  Especially if it is an Italian zombie movie. Then she flat out refuses to even look at the screen. Oh, and she hates subtitled films. She cannot see that small text too well and cannot read very fast, so it annoys her.

As for cars, I have never really been into them or been that fascinated by them. I see them more as a tool to get me from point A to point B. Sure, I want to keep my tool clean and in good working order, but I don't need the flashiest one on the market. 

[RCMerchant]

 I like to blow stuff up! Once,years ago when I was even stupider and more impulsive than I am now (if that's possible), me and a buddy made a homemad bomb kinda thing outta a Large Pill bottle and some black powder. We went to a dump,Lit it and placed an old wash basin over it ! POW!!!! It blew real far up into the air! It was cool. 
I like to smash stuff too. I had an old 1984 Cadillac,and I thought I had blown the heads,because it wouldn't go over 10 miles an hour....so I sold it to a junkyard...but not before I got drunk and took a  tire iron and smashed every piece of glass on it! Here's the kicker....it wasn't the engine at all...it was simply the catalactic converter.  Needless to say...I felt like quite the dumbass.

[indianasmith]

When I was a kid, I took a common garden toad and tied him to two bottle rockets with a combined fuse and sent him about 200 feet into the air . . . then my GI Joe parachute wafted him safely back down into the lake, where he was smart enough to swim to the OPPOSITE shore from me ... I bet he told his little toadie grandkids about that ride!

[CheezeFlixz]

'if you have a penis, you must like..._____'.

Old cars
Power equipment
Babes
Power tools
Hunting
Fishing
Babes
Grilling
Pit Smoking
Building stuff
Babes
Tearing stuff up
Blowing Stuff up ... (yes I have a friend in the demolition biz ... we use dynamite.)
Babes
Big dogs
Big TV's
Big Stereos
Babes
and some other stuff ...
 

[JaseSF]

I smashed up practically every toy I had as a kid. And to tell the truth, it may just have been the most fun I ever had with any of it.