Best Insults

[BoyScoutKevin]

Again, this thread is brought about by a thread at another board/forum, but as I have been collecting these for many years, here are ten of my favorite film insults.

Say it not with words, but with deeds.

Bond's (Roger Moore's) first karate match at the karate school. ("The Man with the Golden Gun")

Jack Butler reving up his chainsaw in front of of Ron Richardson (Martin Mull.) ("Mr. Mom")

But, if you say it, it is the way you say it.

Two partygoers after Alan Swan (Peter O'Toole) has fallen off the roof of a building. "I think Alan Swan is beneath us."--"Of course, he's beneath us, he's an actor." ("My Favorite Year")

Say it, with a smile.

Basil (Barrie Ingham) as everyone has their photo taken, after escaping one of Professor Rattigan's (Vincent Price's) deadly traps. "Smile, everyone." ("The Great Mouse Detective")

Say it, with a sneer.

When asked why he had done something wrong, Lord De Guise (Vincent Cassel) replied "You want to know why . . . I did what I did? Because, I wanted to . . . and because .  . . I could." ("The Reckoning")

Say it, so the audience responds.

Morgan (Earl Maynard) to Verdugo (Robert Tessier) the bald headed executioner.  "What do you want, potato head?" And half of the audience is now ROTFL! A short time later, after Morgan has pushed Verdugo's face into a grindstone, and the blood goes flying, some wag in the audience yells out: "Hmmmm! That looks good!" And the other half of the audience is now ROTFL! ("The Sword and the Sorcerer")

Say it, passionately.

Mack (John Ratzenberger) noticing that all the characters in the Pixar films are voiced by the same actor. "Hey . . . they're using the
same actor over and over again. What kind of cut-rate project is this?" ("Cars")

Say it, profanely

Rooster Cogburn (John Wayne) to Lucky Ned Pepper (Robert Duvall) "Fill your hands, you son-of-a-b***h!" ("True Grit")

Say it, so it causes the least pain, except to one's funny bone.

Ben Ali (Hans Conreid) hoping to distract someone, saying to a guard: "I beg your pardon. I realize they have not been invented yet, but do you have a match?" ("Siren of Baghdad")

Say it, so it causes the most pain.

Lady Sylvia Marsh (Amanda Donohoe) after deliberately biting the teen-age Kevin (Chris Pitt) on his penis, while performing oral sex on him, in the bath, and while he is writhing in the tub in pain. "My god, Kevin. You have such appalling b.o. And save your breath. You have halitosis, too." ("Lair of the White Worm")

But, say it.

And what are some of your favorite film insults?

[Ash]

"Get away from her you b***h!"

[CheezeFlixz]

"The best part of you ran down the crack of your mommas ass and ended up a brown stain on the mattress."
Gunny Hartman - Full Metal Jacket

"So tell me numbnuts, did you parents have any children that lived?"
Gunny Hartman - Full Metal Jacket

Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke pieca' sh!t, or did you have to work on it?
Gunny Hartman - Full Metal Jacket

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.
Groucho Marx Movie

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx Movie

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Groucho Marx Movie

[Him]

From the movie The Nutty Professor

"Last time this brotha felt a breast, it was in a bucket of KFC. Extra Crispy!
Everytime he goes to Sea World, they pay him!
He must be on that new diet. Slim Slow!
Everytime he turns around its his birthday!
What would you do for a Klondike Bar?!
Now we know what's eating Gilbert Grape don't we!"

[Raffine]

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
Rett Butler (Clark Gable) - GONE WITH THE WIND

Judge: Are you trying to show contempt for this court?
Flower Belle (Mae West): No... I'm doin' my best to hide it!
MY LITTLE CHICKADEE


"I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed, animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
Taunting French Guard (John Cleese) - MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL

[indianasmith]

Princess Leia to Han Solo:

"I'd rather kiss a Wookie!"


Greatest onscreen putdown of all time!

[DodgingGrunge]

Gotta stick with the classics!

"My only interest in your head is how easy it'll crack open."
Dark Passage (1947)

Elaine Harper:          But Mortimer, you're going to love me for my mind, too.
Mortimer Brewster:  One thing at a time!
Arsenic & Old Lace (1944)

Now it isn't that I don't like you, Susan, because, after all, in moments of quiet, I'm strangely drawn toward you, but - well, there haven't been any quiet moments.
Bringing Up Baby (1938)

My feelings? About ten years ago, I hid them somewhere and haven't been able to find them.
Out of the Past (1947)

How could I have known that murder could sometimes smell like honeysuckle?
Double Indemnity (1944)

[Dennis]

Princess Leia to Han Solo:

"I'd rather kiss a Wookie!"


Greatest onscreen putdown of all time!

And in return, "I can arrange that"

[Dennis]

"Here's to Mr. Keefer, the real author of the Caine mutiny, you should hear his testimony, he never even heard of Captain Queeg!"

[Mr. DS]

The best without words one I think comes from Bruce Lee in Enter The Dragon.  The part where he takes the chucks away from one guy and twirls them about as if to say "this is how you do it b*tch". 

[Allhallowsday]

Not sure if many of the offerings qualify as insults, but here's a few insults I can remember...

Daryl Hannah as Elle to Michael Madsen as Bud: "Regret?!  That maybe the greatest warrior I have ever met, met her end at the hands of a bushwackin', scrub, alchy, piece-o-s**t like you...that woman deserved better."  KILL BILL VOL 2 (2004)

Bette Davis as Margot Channing: "Eve, Eve!  Little Miss Eve-ill!"  ALL ABOUT EVE (1950)

Esther Muir as Flo Marlowe: "I've never been so insulted!"  Groucho Marx as Dr. Hackenbush in response, glancing at wristwatch: "We-ell...it's early..."  A DAY AT THE RACES (1937)

[The Burgomaster]

* Groucho Marx to plump Margaret Dumont in DUCK SOUP:  "I can see you standing over a hot stove . . . but I can't see the stove."

* Groucho Marx in another movie (I can't remember which one):  "Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference."

[Allhallowsday]

* Groucho Marx to plump Margaret Dumont in DUCK SOUP:  "I can see you standing over a hot stove . . . but I can't see the stove."
* Groucho Marx in another movie (I can't remember which one):  "Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference."

Arms entwined, pressed body to body, Esther Muir to Groucho Marx: "Hold me closer!  Closer!  CLOSER!"
Groucho Marx to Esther Muir: "If I was any closer to ya, I'd be in back of ya..."

[Flangepart]

Burt Gummer in TREMORS 3.
"Is your head up your ass for the warmth?"

[Oldskool138]

I've always loved Blakelock's insult in The Gauntlet (1977):  "Now, can you handle it, or do I have to write it out in braille and shove it up your ass?"....BURN!