Headless Horseman

[AnubisVonMojo]

Damn it, I've been on a self-imposed exile from cable television for so long, I'd pretty much forgotten about how agonizing these Sci-Fi Original movies could get.

7 teens (played by thirty-somethings, one of which has the receedingest hairline I've ever seen on a woman...) take a wrong turn and wind up in the inbred redneck town of Wormwood, where every seven years, during the formation of the Hydra constellation, Washington Irving's money-maker comes up from his tar pit portal to Hell to relieve seven sacrifices of their beloved craniums so he can regrow his own missing coconut. Of course this year's seven sacrifices happen to be our posse of lame-o's on their way to a Halloween party. Apparently the headless ghoul is connected with the town more so than just having a house within the city limits, so the inbreeders are only too happy to help him get his share of melons. When we first see the monster at work in the movie's opening flashback, he decap attacks a guy using a razorblade frisbee thing he stole from the Predator. Oh yeah, and there's something about a magical sword and the Civil War in there too...

Normally I love a good round of decapitations, but I think the Sci-Fi Channel is turning me impotent on the subject as I type this... The dialog is like wooden splinters being hammered into my ears for every bad joke that's delivered. The actors, both starring and supporting, give me irritable bowel syndrome. I only wish I had the foresight to record this first so I could do a proper review for it on Wednesday... Featuring Richard "Night Court" Moll as the ornery local general store owner!

It's not the worst movie I've ever seen, but it still on toast, ladies and gents. I thought I was getting heartburn while watching this, but then I realized it's a degenerative heart disease brought on by Headless Horseman. I'll give it a nod for the decapitations and giving a mildly interesting twist on the legend, but that's all I'll give it... beyond a pair of middle fingers. After this, I can't wait to get home and watch Ice Spiders...

out of 

[Jack]

I was thinking of watching that, but I had a DVD I'd been meaning to watch so I missed it.  Darn!