Bulletproof (1988)

[Neville]

My name is McBain and I'm your worst nightmare!!!


Yes!!! 80s silly action at its finest. I mean, it's not a good movie by any means, but the plot is so ludicrous it deserves enough extra points to make it worthwhile. We first meet McBain (snicker) in a few scenes that resemble a lot "Lethal Weapon", if only "Lethal Weapon" had had the brilliant idea of presenting a group of arm dealers who sell weapons in an ice cream truck. That and staging one of the most amazing car chases ever, with McBain's car doing more stunts that a horse in a silly western movie. honest, I kept expecting the car would raise its front wheels at the end and start neighing.

But anyway, if I gave you the impression "Bulletproof" is a "Lethal Weapon" copycat, I apologise. The real plot kicks in moments later, wehen we learn that a combo of Mexican Commies, Cuban Commies (I know, redundant) and Arab Commies are waiting just outside the U.S. border to do something. For some reason (probably "The Simpsons" McBain connection) I couldn't stop thinking of that "Futurama" episode where one of the characters ends up being sent to a Mexican-Turkish prison. Seriously, the idea of having all that wild mix of disparate things together was lots of fun. And never even bothered to explain me how Marxism and Allah can sit together. Beats me.


Enter the Pentagon and some dumb plan to give them a super-tank (why?) and then add McBain (snicker) to the mix. That's really the worse part of the movie, it's a bit too dull and too serious, but soon things get better as we see our hienna-smiling, almost-albino and not-exactly-in-great-shape Gary Busey shooting terrorists left and right, and delivering one-liners so stupid they almost rupture the fabric of movie logic and become funny. And then, none of the "Lethal Weapon" movies had a battle of armoured vehicles, right? Shame on them! And that's not even the climax, as we still have a few more shootouts before the credits roll.

Now, if only the final Rusky enemy had bothered to scream "McBaiiiiiinnnnnnn!!!!" (snicker)before dying we might be talking about serious cult status here. What a pity they forgot that essential detail. But at least they bothered to tell us the Rusky had killed McBain's partner a few years back. Those Soviets... not only they were planning world domination while cashing in the royalties from "Tetris", but they also had their Spetnatz officers moonlighting as criminals in the U.S... The world is no doubt better without them, but bad movies aren't.




McBain (snicker) will return in "Bulletproof II: The Wheel of Fortune".

[Dolph Lundgren]

This movie is great for all the wrong reasons.  You have Busey hamming it up (wasn't the explanation of his nickname that he's been shot 31 times or something ridiculous like that?), Danny Trejo, a super-tank from out of nowhere like Neville said, Busey playing softcore jazz music on a saxophone, Busey escaping from danger on the wheel of fortune (pictured above), and the best part of all?  BUTTHORN.  I have no idea what this word means, but Busey slings this insult at least three times throughout the movie, all wrapped up in nice, neat one-liners.  See it drunk with several friends.

[Neville]

You know, I missed the whole "butthorn" fun, because I saw the movie dubbed. And not only in Spanish, as usual, but in Mexican Spanish.

So add to the general hilarity watching anglo characters cursing and using slang like Mexican bandits out of an spaghetti western.

[Dolph Lundgren]

You know, I missed the whole "butthorn" fun, because I saw the movie dubbed. And not only in Spanish, as usual, but in Mexican Spanish.

So add to the general hilarity watching anglo characters cursing and using slang like Mexican bandits out of an spaghetti western.

I'm sure that added a whole new level of greatness to the movie.  I can't imagine how surreal that must've been.  I gotta ask though Neville, just how did you manage to see it dubbed in Mexican Spanish?

Oh, and I forgot to mention Henry Silva as the heavy.  He's always good in that role.

[Neville]

Because the darn movie isn't even available on DVD in my country, and I ended up downloading the whole thing through P2P. Looks like somebody edited together the DVD video with some VHS sound. Whoever did it only had access to a Southamerican copy, my guess a Mexican one.

Check this out, is a short clip:

http://s68.photobucket.com/albums/i34/matarosample/?action=view&current=samplerapruebadebalas00.flv

[Bonehead-XL]

BUTTHORN!!!

Gary Buesy is awesome, man. Awesome.