My 100 Karma point comedy celebration!

[indianasmith]

I have often wondered when or if my karma on this board will ever hit 100 . . . this weekend was the milestone, thanks to the generosity and goodwill of all of you!  So . . . as a little payback . . . I will give karma to everyone who posts me a joke in this thread! 

(Preferably one I can share in the classroom without getting fired!) 

[Allhallowsday]

How come there's a gate 'round the cemetary?  

'Cause so many people are dying to get in...! 

[indianasmith]

Can't go wrong with the classics, AH!!! Karma to you!

[Killer Bees]

Q:  Why should you never let a clown make you breakfast?
A:  Because it'll taste funny

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Buddy, why the long face?"

Two muffins were baking in an oven.  The first muffin says, "wow, it's hot in here." And the second muffin says, "Holy s**t!  A talking muffin!"

Q:  What's brown and sticky?
A:  A stick

Q:  What's black, dangerous and sits in a tree?
A:  A crow with a machine gun

Q:  What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A:  A penguin falling down the stairs


Thank you and good night!  

[Allhallowsday]

Chakotay...      I am one of those who liked "Voyager..."
And that's not a penguin falling down the stairs... 


How come priests are compelled to be celibate? 

Because they're allowed Nun...

[flackbait]

Three guys walk into a bar the fourth one ducks!
Its a cheesy one, but thats 90% of my jokes.

A wine conosuire walks into a working class bar and asks the bar tender for a bottle of his finest champagne.
The bartender responds "we don't serve champagne."
"Fine I'll have 15 year old aged scotch."
"Sure thing sir." The bartender then serves him scotch thats only been aged 13 years thinking he won't know the difference.
The conosuire takes a sip and yells" this isn't 15 year old aged scotch is 13 year old aged scotch."
The bartender apologizes and says"Thats the oldest we got sir, and how do you know its not 15 year old aged scotch?"
The wine conosuire replies, "I can tell the age of anything by tasting it!"

Now the whole time a regular has been watching this scene with interest and decides to send a drink over to the conosuire.
When he first gets the drink the conosuire spits it out and roars, "this tastes like p**s!"
the regular then responds"Yea, so tell me how old am I?"
definitaly not apporpriate for school but its still funny, I think

[Ash]

Here's one:
(not sure if you could say it in class)


A kindergarten teacher gives her class an assignment to draw a picture of someone they admire.

"What a great picture," she says to one little boy. "Who is it?"

"That's my dad," he says proudly.

"Tell me more about your father," the teacher says. "What's he like?"

The kid shrugs. "Beer and p***y."

[Shadow]

Subversive humour.

Q: How many times can you tell a subversive joke in a totalitarian regime?
A: Three times. Once to your friend, once to the policeman and once to your cell mate.

KGB1: Comrade, what do you think of the current regime?
KGB2: (after looking around carefully) Exactly the same as you do, Comrade.
KGB1: Then, Comrade, I'm afraid I have to arrest you.

[KYGOTC]

Ummm....OK i got one!



These 3 blondes walk into a bar. The red-head ducked.


.....get it?

[flackbait]

Ummm....OK i got one!



These 3 blondes walk into a bar. The red-head ducked.


.....get it?

Nice variation

[Trevor]

 

The biggest joke of all: www.eskom.co.za 

[Trevor]

 

A lady is doing the washing and shouts to her husband

"I need to know what temperature to wash your shirt at."
Husband: "How must I know?"
Lady: "What does it say on the shirt?"
Husband: "Tshwane University of Technology!" 

I studied there: www.tut.ac.za 

[Trevor]

When he first gets the drink the conosuire spits it out and roars, "this tastes like p**s!" the regular then responds"Yea, so tell me how old am I?"

Karma, flackbait, that really made me laugh. 

[RCMerchant]

Here's one you can pull on a freind-

You-"Gotta joke for ya! Say 'Knock Knock'.
Freind-Ok...'Knock Knock'
You-Who's there?
Freind- 

[Derf]

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A: A stick.
(Props to KillerBees for the "brown and sticky" joke; it's one I tell regularly, usually getting confused looks in response.)

Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.

A masochist and a sadist are walking down the street. The masochist turns to the sadist and says, "Hit me! Hit me!" The sadist replies, "No."

A man goes into a plumbing store and notices they are having a prize drawing. He enters and wins a fancy new toilet brush. The next week, he goes back into the store, and the owner asks him how he likes the new brush. He rubs his backside and says, "It's nice enough, but I think I still prefer toilet paper."

And a couple that probably wouldn't work for the classroom:

Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary? Yeah, it runs in your genes (jeans?) It works when you say it, but not when you write it.

The elephant looked at the naked man and said, "It's cute, but can you really breathe through that thing?"