My 100 Karma point comedy celebration!

[moman]

A man with a dog walked into a pub. The landlord said, "Sorry Sir, no dogs." Bluffing outrageously, the man said "I'm blind,.. its my Guide Dog". The landlord looks doubtful and said, "But its a Yorkshire Terrier." The dog owner put on a look of astonishment and said "What? But they told me it was a very small labrador!"

[redsneaker]

Why would the bird not kiss the other bird?
Because you could get chirpies and they are untweetable.

[BlackAngel75]

I'm sorry I'm late for the "Karma Party".  But then, black people are always late.   

First off, "yo' mamma" jokes

Ya mamma's so ugly, I took to the zoo, the man at the front gate said "thanks for bringing her back".

Ya mamma's so ugly as a baby, she was breast fed via e-mail

Ya mamma's so fat, she couldn't were those "X" jackets, heilcopters would mistake her as a landing pad

Ya mamma's so white, she's clear.

ya mamma's teeth's so yellow, when she smiles, cars slow down.

ya house is so small, you eat a large pizza outside.

ya house is so small, both the front door and backdoor are on the same hinges.



A man walks into a diner and sits in one of the booths.  He tell the waitress, "Excuse me miss, but I'm blind and looking at a menu is out of the question.  But I have an uncanny sense of smell so if you give me all your dirty spoons and forks and knives, I can give you my order".  Confused, the waitress does as she's told and brought all the unwashed utensils.  After a few minutes of smelling, the blind patron gives his order:  "I would like a steak; medium rare, mashed potatoes with gravy, a glass of coke, and for dessert, apple pie a la mode".  Amazed at his ability, the waitress takes his order to the cook who is also her husband.  "Hey Mike, that strange guy over there just made this order by smelling our dirty dishes".  In disbelief, the cook gives the waitress a dirty fork. "Sarah, tell him to smell this".  The waitress gives the blind man the fork and after less than a second said "macaroni and chesse with broccli".  Seeing this amazement firsthand, Mike and Sarah decided to play a little trick.  With a clean spoon, Mike tells Sarah to rub it on her twat and give it to the blind man.  After five minutes of smelling, the man paused for a little bit.  And then, with a sly smile on his face the blind man yells out: "Sarah?!  Sarah?!  Get your ass over here. I didn't know you work here!"

A black guy, white guy, and a chinese guy are in the king's court.  The king declares to the three, "If any of you can make this monkey first nods its head, then shakes its head, you will have my blessing to marry my hot daughter."  First, the white guy tries to make the monkey mimic his moves to no avail.  Then the chinese guy tried to physically make the monkey nod and shakes its head only to have his face scratched up.  After which, the king said it will continue tomorrow morning.  Later that night, the monkey was attacked and was beaten very badly.  Early the next morning, the contest continued.  The black guy simply walked over to the monkey and whispered in its ear.  He asked "You remember what happened to you last night?"  The monkey nodded.  "You want that to happen to you again?"  The monkey runs to the corner shaking its head.

What's blonde, then brunette, blonde, then brunette, blonde, then brunette?
--------------------------------------------------
A cheerleader with no underware doing cartwheels.

[BlackAngel75]

Yo mamma's so stupid, she wore a wetsuit to the store so she could buy surf and tide detergents.


A ventriloquist was doing his act at a club.  In the middle of his act, he said a most offensive blonde joke ever.  Then, a very angry blonde woman sitting near the stage got up.  "I am sick and tired of all these demeaning 'blonde jokes'.  We are not 'dumb', and we are not 'ditzy'.  We are very smart and capable to hold an intelligent conversation.  I am very disappointed that you would belittle yourself to insult blondes like me and others here with your joke and I for one demand an apology."  Mortified, The ventriloquist turned to the female patron.  "You are so right, ma'am." said the comic, "Blondes are people too, and from the bottom of my heart, I truly am sorry."  To which the woman responded, "I'm not talking to you, sir.  I'm talking to that little bastard sitting on your lap."

[raj]

Karma for those, BlackAngel75

[BlackAngel75]

Thanks, raj I got more

Ya mamma's so dirty, when she goes to bed, she use sheets with little white angels.  Wake up the next morning, those sheets look like little black muslims.

An army private, with a 25lbs. rucksack marches 300yds in a jungle.  All through the way he's saying in his head: "I hate this s**t!"
An infantry soldier, with a 60lbs. rucksack and a M4 rifle with a M203 rocket launcher marches and low crawls half a mile through a jungle mummbling: "I got in this s**t!"
A gunner, with a M60 machine rifle, 60lbs. worth of ammo is running through the jungle mowing down anything and everything in sight screaming: "I LIVE FOR THIS s**t!!"
An air force officer, with a cup of coffee in his hand, walks 6ft. to his air conditioned office, turns on his TV and says: "What?  No cable?  What kind of s**t is this?"