Rub it all you want...it's already hard.

[Trevor]

  [trevor rubs lamp]

Please: would this wish come true? Someone please tell my beloved ex President Robert Mugabe the following:

You. Have. Lost. The. Election. Deal. With. It. 

[Rev. Powell]

[trevor rubs lamp]

Please: would this wish come true? Someone please tell my beloved ex President Robert Mugabe the following:

You. Have. Lost. The. Election. Deal. With. It. 

Hearing the news, Mugabe decides his way to deal with it is to sieze power through a military coup and install a dictatorship with himself as the supreme leader for life.

Sorry if I brought the room down.  That may be too close to reality to work as humor.

[rubs lamp]

When I mutter the magic phrase under my breath, the woman (or women) I designate will be struck with an irresistible urge to seek an uninhibited, uncommitted one night stand with me.

[raj]

She's 86 years old.

Pam would look good at any age; even Trekgeezer's age.

I wish I had the self discipline to write a best-selling novel.

Turns out that the genie understood it as you need to to be disciplined while writing a novel.

You find it difficult to explain to the lady he sent, dressed in leather and high heels and carrying a whip, that you can't write with your hands tied.

Going through all the events that pass from here, well, wouldn't be very appropriate. Let's just say that the indecent exposure charge from you running down the street trying to get away from her, plus additional assault charges from...uh...poking people along your way, has made it difficult for you to write due to the lack of light in solitary; though, I think Bubba likes you.


*Rubs Lamp*

I wish for something to be at least a good 12.

You decide what it is, and ruin it for me.

I think we forgot Menard here.  Turns out to be a 12 year old girl.  And Menard gets a good 12 years in prison.


Mine:  I rub lamp and wish for the power of flight.

[LilCerberus]

Maybe I'd wish for the comprehension necessary to understand some of those high brow euro art flicks, like La Belle Noiseuse, possession, or the earlier works of Nastasja Kinski, so that I'd have something else to talk about besides the full frontal nudity.

Not that there's anything wrong with me being a guy, it's just that I've met women who like these movies (no, really), and obviously for reasons other than Nastasja Kinski's nature walk.

[Derf]

Mine:  I rub lamp and wish for the power of flight.

The genie grants your wish. You take a mighty leap into the air, flying high into the sky. You enjoy yourself immensely, and begin your descent. As you near the ground, however, you realize you can't seem to slow down, having not asked for the ability to land safely along with the gift of flight. Your funeral service is lovely, and you are much lamented, but, unfortunately, you are in no condition to enjoy it yourself.

*Rubs Lamp*

I wish for a nice, tasty, healthy turkey sandwich.

[RCMerchant]

I wish for a purse full of $50 bills that never runs out. 

Failing that, I'll have my 23 yo figure back, thank you.

Or a romantic date with either Robert Beltran or Vincent D'Onofrio.

But I'll settle for a year's worth of daily piano lessons with Tori Amos.

Please don't ruin my fantasies, they're all I've got left! 

Except that Vincent looks and acts like he did in MEN IN BLACK! 

[Killer Bees]

I wish for a purse full of $50 bills that never runs out. 

Failing that, I'll have my 23 yo figure back, thank you.

Or a romantic date with either Robert Beltran or Vincent D'Onofrio.

But I'll settle for a year's worth of daily piano lessons with Tori Amos.

Please don't ruin my fantasies, they're all I've got left! 

Except that Vincent looks and acts like he did in MEN IN BLACK! 

Pfffft.  Everyone's a hater *lol*

I like the fact that Vincent is "odd" looking.  It adds to his appeal for me.  If he was a pretty boy, I wouldn't look twice.

[Allhallowsday]

I like the fact that Vincent is "odd" looking.  It adds to his appeal for me.  If he was a pretty boy, I wouldn't look twice.

Which must explain Chakotay... 

[JaseSF]

Except said turkey sandwich elicits an outcry from a nearby "Save the Turkeys. They got feelings too" protest and they mob you, your sandwich trampled in the dirt.

Rubs Lamp. I wish for said genie to gain freedom from his imprisonment in the bottle and to be able to live a normal life. So O.K. I admit it I stole this whole idea from "The X-Files". 

[Killer Bees]

I like the fact that Vincent is "odd" looking.  It adds to his appeal for me.  If he was a pretty boy, I wouldn't look twice.

Which must explain Chakotay... 

You got it!   

[Allhallowsday]

I like the fact that Vincent is "odd" looking.  It adds to his appeal for me.  If he was a pretty boy, I wouldn't look twice.

Which must explain Chakotay... 

You got it!   

Hey,  Chakotay!     =   +karma... For the sake of you not misconstruing me, I am a shameless fan of "VOYAGER" and always resented Janeway's apparent distraction if not direct interest in Chakotay.    

[Derf]

Rubs Lamp. I wish for said genie to gain freedom from his imprisonment in the bottle and to be able to live a normal life. So O.K. I admit it I stole this whole idea from "The X-Files". 

Except "normal" for a genie happens to be killing, or at least maiming, mortals. That's why they're imprisoned in bottles and enjoy twisting wishes. He starts with you.

After tricking him back into the lamp and then rubbing it, I wish for a classic: a hundred more wishes.

[raj]

Rubs Lamp. I wish for said genie to gain freedom from his imprisonment in the bottle and to be able to live a normal life. So O.K. I admit it I stole this whole idea from "The X-Files". 

Except "normal" for a genie happens to be killing, or at least maiming, mortals. That's why they're imprisoned in bottles and enjoy twisting wishes. He starts with you.

After tricking him back into the lamp and then rubbing it, I wish for a classic: a hundred more wishes.

Except that the genie distinctly heard "swishes" and so 100 skirts (empty) fall on you.  Nothing dangerous, but if you don't pick them up you'll get a littering ticket.

Rubs lamp, asks for a 1933 Duesenberg

[LilCerberus]

Hmmm...
Rub the lamp a little with my thumb...
Rub it a little more...
Pull my greasy shop rag out of my pocket & rub it some more...
Tare off some paper towel & dip it in Tarn-Ex...
Start to dig at the lamp with my thumbnail...

Genie pops out- "All right! All right! I'll clean it up so you can get a few bucks for it! Sheesh!"

[Killer Bees]

I like the fact that Vincent is "odd" looking.  It adds to his appeal for me.  If he was a pretty boy, I wouldn't look twice.

Which must explain Chakotay... 

You got it!   

Hey,  Chakotay!     =   +karma... For the sake of you not misconstruing me, I am a shameless fan of "VOYAGER" and always resented Janeway's apparent distraction if not direct interest in Chakotay.    

Initially I thought they would make a good match, especially when they were exiled to that planet because of the disease they contracted.  She's a strong woman and only he would be able to deal with her without her losing respect for him.

But when Seven of Nine came along, I realised she was a much better match for him.  I could totally see them being in love.  Chakotay is smart enough and strong enough for Seven's sensibilities.  But he's quite a sexy guy and he'd teach her about human side of things very well.

Lucky cow.