POLITICAL SCIENCE FOR DUMMIES . . .

[indianasmith]

Someone sent me this, I thought it was funny.

Political Science for Dummies   

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none. 
You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. 
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk. 
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. 
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up   !!   

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows. 
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. 
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. 
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. 
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. 
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows. 
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. 
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in  Afghanistan  , which are two. 
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' s  private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the  US  government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding. 
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. 
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. 
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one. 
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows ...some of which end up becoming bad hamburger.
They make  Real  California  Cheese and are 'happy'. 
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.


 

[CheezeFlixz]

Funny, clearly I'm a capitalist.

[Menard]

Certainly different from the version I remember; much more current and topical.

I had once asked a bookseller friend of mine, like 25 years ago, to recommend a basic political science primer; he gave me the cows story and said it was as close to a real assessment as I would find, minus all the usual cowpatties in political science books.

[Killer Bees]

That's just awesome, Indiana!  I gave you karma for making me laugh so hard   

Personally, I like the French corporation.  All that bumming around eating good food is for me!

[frank]

Unfair!

The French drink wine and life is good...

The Italian eat a lot and life is good...

We Germans drink lots of beer and life is not good???

Oh, swell, I guess that's hits the nail on the head. Must be our historical background.

...but at least we got our 13 weeks of vacation (which we should use for drinking beer, as we lost pole position in amount of beer consumed per head per year to the Czech people).

[RCMerchant]

Poor White Trash


You have two cows.

They die because the farmer blows up the barn cooking meth.

But he doesn't care,because he can collect food stamps and sell them for beer money.

[Jack]

I never heard much about Belgium, it sounds very interesting 

[trekgeezer]

Well, I guess we should just change the OT board to politics board now.  I'm really tired of this crap and that is what it is, pure unadulterated crap.

[CheezeFlixz]

Is it that difficult to avoid a thread that is clearly political?

[indianasmith]

Karma to RC for making me laugh!!

TG, I was actually trying to lighten up the mood with something silly and humorous, since the other thread got locked (and rightfully so, since some people can't debate without getting into personal insults).

But for the record, when I actually post a thread about a Bad Movie (like BLOOD CAR), I get maybe two or three replies.  When I start or participate in a political or religious thread, it goes on and on for pages . . . so obviously a number of members here do enjoy that kind of discussion.

I like you and value your presence here, but if you don't like certain topics, just don't read those threads!  I skip some threads every time I come here because they are things I either don't like, don't know about, or have no interest in.

[RCMerchant]

It Is hard to NOT to discuss politics in a tight knit community. But I will never.....EVER...take politics seriously.....because I am not a politition. I am a GEEK!  The world will crash and burn.....or not. But I will go to my grave thinking Bela Lugosi is cool,ufo's are real, and religion and politics is like football for confused people.

I based my stupid comment on the reality of what is happining here in Van Buren County ,Michigan. I meant no offense to all PWT anywhere else. And if they take offence...c'mon MF bring it on...hyuk hyuk...!@ (joke again!)

[indianasmith]

RC, you are a priceless asset to this community! 

[Killer Bees]

It always amazes me how angry people get when talking about politics.  I have no particular political affiliation myself, so I never get into arguments with people.  I just shrug and say, "whatever, dude."  For some reason that makes them even angrier 

[Patient7]

Karma Indy!  We need an Irish one though.

You have two cows
You go out to get a drink
You come home to pray



Note:  I'm Irish so it's allright.

[ulthar]

Karma Indy!  We need an Irish one though.

You have two cows
You go out to get a drink
You come home to pray



Note:  I'm Irish so it's allright.

 

Karma for that one, P7.  Of Irish decent myself, and I'd say you COULD leave off the third line...