Attack of the Squirrels

[ulthar]

dean wrote:

>
>  Pretty soon this could lead to a full scale squirrel
> invasion.  THE END IS NEAR PEOPLE!!!!
>
> After all, they have been collecting all those nuts, but what
> for??  Not for winter I'd say, but for the coming holocaust
> brought on by the little critter's that's what!!
>

This may not be too far from the truth:

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/vacation/goettingen/
http://www.thebatt.com/media/paper657/news/2002/01/24/AggieLife/Squirrels.Attack-516719.shtml
http://www.local6.com/news/4872001/detail.html
http://www.cw.ua.edu/vnews/display.v/ART/2002/09/18/3d87ee9a3c6dd
http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2005/jul/02/squirrel_attacks_boy_mother/?city_local
http://www.pigdog.org/auto/animal_rampage/link/2721.html


You know, I started posting this as a joke, but as I read some of those, they are pretty darn serious.

B-Movie fodder, indeed.

[desertfox913]

Hey ! This might really "date " me but I'm having total flashbacks to Jimmy Carter !! Remember the guy was Pres. at 1 time ? Well he was out on some lake in a row boat and had to beat some insane ,monster of a RABBIT  with an oar ! The bunny wouldn't leave him alone and Jimmy was scared for his life !! Maybe the rabbit was a republican ?

[desertfox913]

Ok ... pick up some of those " useless " apples and hurl them at the squirrel ( s ) . Maybe they won't be so aggressive to find more. Use " psychology " . By scaring them with something they want really bad will actually probably turn them off.
And by the way from what I know about the " law " in your area I think they're all pretty squirrely and will be on the rodents side so watch the course of action you take ( article 1 . paragraph 3  : ....pertaining to squirrelacide : it is unlawful to take any aggressive action against any squirrel in the county of  XXX whether they be aggressive, docile, or deceased . Any overt actions against said squirrels in the county of XXX will result in the removal of nuts without malice afore thought , just plain ol' red neck fun.. ... Article 1, paragraph 5 :  Uh oh this part has been                  " sealed "  under securitity guidelines .  Well I say how dare they intimidate & scare your child ! Ask each & everyone of them if they feel lucky and then go ahead and make their day !

[Deej]

Yessir, squirrels are f*ckers! I faced a similar attack a couple of years ago, after we bought our house. It's an old house and the closet that houses the heater unit is in the living room right at the head of the couch. It was my day off and I was alone in the house but for my trusty sidekick, Pepper The Wonder-Mutt. I was laying on the couch when I heard a loud thump followed by a hideous loud chirping sound. Imagine the sound a Chipmunk/Rooster hybrid would make...that's the sound!! My dog, the aforementioned Pepper, started barking furiously at the heater closet. My first thought....rabid beaver! Not even sure if there are beaver in Oklahoma. Still, I was stunned.

I (scared poo-less) jumped up and went to the closet to investigate. Opening the door, I was confronted with....my heater!!! And slightly to the left of that, a little fuzzy, fiend from hell. Apparently, it had got into the attic and fallen down into the closet. I slammed the door and did what any American would do....I called my mommy! She only offered derisive laughter, so I hung up and did the next most American thing, got my gun. I was almost back to the closet when I stopped to question the wisdom of discharging a .45 into a small closet that contained not only a squirrel, but my, probably very expensive, heater. I put the gun away and got the next best thing...a broom. Brooms are still legal in Oklahoma (Swiffers aren't, but only the military and the police really need Swiffers).

I'm a former Marine, currently a Jack-booted thug in the service of THE MAN...I daily practice lead-pipe cruelty...a steely-eyed warrior....six feet of iron man!!! But, squrrels are kind of scary. You don't know if they're gonna jump at your neck with their razor sharp fangs O' death! Oh, brothers and sisters...I knew I must plan my fight! I put on a canvas work jacket and a pair of frisk-gloves, duct taped the gap between the sleeves and the gloves, and with my trusty mutt still holding the satanic rodent at bay, grabbed my broom and set off to battle.

I opened the front door to allow the squirrel egress, a straight shot out into the cold light of day!! Then armed with my battle-broom (rubbermaid), I opened the door to the heater closet. I nudged the little bastard with the broom and he was out of the closet in a flash, heading straight for the front door. All was going to plan until my damned trusty companion( the dog) headed the squirrel off and chased it back INTO THE HOUSE!! Up the stairs, into my room, into my closet, out of the closet, down the stairs, into the kitchen, out of the kitchen and finally out of the door. A good whack from the broom kept my dog from running out after the squirrel.

Harrowing? Yes. Dangerous? Undoubtedly. But a man is bound to protect his home. I still catch crap from family, friends and co-workers. They think the gloves and duct were over the top. But they weren't there, man!! THEY WEREN'T THERE!!



Post Edited (09-09-05 01:17)

[ulthar]

LOL!!

I was going to say that I kinda like squirrels...I like watching them carry-on when I'm deer hunting (man can such little critters make a BUNCH of noise in the woods).  But then I thought, I'm usually pretty well armed while hunting, so maybe that's why they don't bother me (much).

Nothing says "red mist" like 30-06 Springfield.

[Flangepart]

Ah ha! Like i said...the little perishers are NOT TO BE TRUSTED!
Pellet gun...GOOD pellet gun...
Is it possable the appels are fermenting, and your dealing with drunkerds?
A drunk squirrel is a terrifying concept!
Rocket J. Squirrel may ass!

[AndyC]

I did a little bit of hunting back when I was 18 or so. Found I didn't have the patience for it. But I do remember going up to northern Ontario for deer in November of 1989. After hours of waiting for a deer, I found myself surrounded by grouse, for which I had a licence, but not a suitable gun. You don't want to shoot a grouse with a high-powered rifle. Exchanging the rifle for the shotgun, I returned to find that the grouse had left. The whole week was like that.

Anyway, the one bit of wildlife I did come across was a little red squirrel that ran out to the end of a branch right in front of my face and started chittering aggressively at me, as if to say, "get lost, this is my spot." Unreal. I walked right up to it, 200 pounds of me (I was very trim in those days) staring right at a couple of ounces of angry squirrel that just wasn't impressed. At that point, I raised the shotgun up to the squirrel, a couple of inches away, and it kept right on going.

I didn't shoot it. I would never do that, and had no such intention. It was just the idea that this little critter hadn't the slightest notion that I could, with a twitch of my finger, pretty much vaporize it right off that branch. I thought there was some profound lesson there, but I can't quite put it into words. Don't know if the lesson is standing up to those bigger than you, or having the good sense to know what you're facing. Anyway, it seemed kind of profound to me, all alone in the woods at that time. Out of newfound respect for the ballsy little guy, I moved on.

[Flangepart]

I donno...isen't ballsey dependant on Knowing you could get your butt kicked, and doing it anyway?
Seems Rockey was just mistaking you for, say, a doe or something.

[peter johnson]

'tain't no goddam "loggerhead" -- a loggerhead is a sea turtle/salt water-- that thar thang is a Snapping Turtle!/fresh water --
peter j.

[raj]

And now Iran has caught some squirrels with spy equipment:

http://www.dailywireless.org/2007/07/20/iran-captures-spy-squirrels/

"Iranian news agencies this week reported 14 squirrels equipped with espionage systems were captured along their border. The squirrels were reportedly embedded with GPS, cameras and listening devices."

Predictably, the story tries to lay the blame for this on the CIA, but we all know the truth.  The squirrels are opening fronts all over the world.

[Menard]

Ya know, at least once a year we have to recycle this thread.

If you have ever wondered where the association between Odinn7 and squirrels started, this it.

[peter johnson]

. . . they are growing stronger . . .  soon they shall win . . .

[trekgeezer]

Hey Peter that was actually and common snapping turtle.


Odinn will really appreciate seeing the thread again.

[peter johnson]

So . . . squirrels riding Snapping Turtles? . . . Slow like zombies, but much more deadly . . .
peter johnson/denny here they come!!

[trekgeezer]

This thread started the whole squirrel business. A couple of us went a bit overboard with it (Most myself and Ed).


Brings back some good old memories .