Things not to say during sex

[Luke Bannon]

A bit off the topic but me being the helpful guru (not) I am I thought I would enlighten you with a lesson Dr. Demento taught me of things not to say during sex. Feel free to add to the list. To get us started here's:
Oh did I mention the video camera?
I hate people who think sex means something
It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate or blow up.

OK time to come clean. I'm a virgin and want to know what things to avoid saying. There I admitted it.

[Fearless Freep]

Difference between a wife, a lover, and a hooker

Hooker: Are you done yet?
Lover: Are you done already?
Wife: I think the ceiling needs painting

[Lee]

"Your kinkier than my girlfriend."

[Cullen]

Wait!  Wait!  Let me get the manual
Is that all?
Fido was never like this!
This is almost as good as when I'm alone!

[yaddo42]

Your sister lets me do that to her.
Your mother lets me do that to her.
You're better when you're sleeping.
I like it when you call me "Cousin Eddie".
Oh, Mom!
Can you say "baaa!" like a sheep?

[chris]

Things not ta say:

The holocaust is a myth.
God you're ugly!
My bologna has a first name....
Check out this gay porn I rented!!!! (Bully reference)
Be quiet or I'll cut you b***h!

and try not to cry while doing it.  Ruins the mood.

[John]

This is the second best sex I've ever had!
Am I as good as your father?
I'm trying out a new herpes medication, let me know if it's working.
Do you think your grandmother would be interested in a threesome?
By the way, I told my friends they could borrow you.

[Squishy]

--"Ouch. Owwwwww. F***ing crabs."
--"Ouch. Owwwwww. Damn, let me get some lubricant."
--"Damn, that's hairy."
--"Is this a pimple or a boil?" ("Simpsons" reference)
--"Prepare to beam up."
--"Gojiraaaaa!!!"

[Luke Bannon]

Uh, sorry about the tags I'm no good with names
You're great Sarah... it is Sarah isn't it?
Would you mind putting this bag on your head?

[Luke Bannon]

Bend over and show me your dark side!
Cover me I'm going where no man has dared go before!
Now you aren't gonna tell anyone are you?

[Neville]

"I feel the force". (from a spanish flick)

[Luke Bannon]

You know my other girlfriend does it a lot longer.

[Luke Bannon]

You look good in the dark. (from Microwave Masacurre)
OH CARL! Oops, I mean...

[Nathan Shumate]

Squishy wrote:

> --"Gojiraaaaa!!!"


I dunno, there's a certain appeal to this one...  I'll see if I can report back.

Nathan

[raj]

Next!
Do you always let your dog watch?
I gotta split in five minutes so let's hurry.
You're almost as good as my dildo/vibrator
I forget, how much do you charge? (unless she is a hooker, then it is only mildly bad).
(yawning)
(snoring)

And truly in bad taste and I apologize in advance:
You are HIV positive, right?