Great Insults

[Rev. Powell]

"Thou spleeny scurvy-valiant foot-licker!"

Courtesy of the Shakepearean insulter

Found it while searching for the following quote:

"[Thou art] a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver'd, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mungril b***h." Kent, King Lear (2.2.15-23)

[Magnus]

Misbegotten camel whelp

I think came from a Conan book.

Rat b...ard
Rat F...king B...ard

[Dennis]

My favorite insult is in 1950's "Cyrano De Bergerac", the Comte de Guiche and Cyrano have a conversation along these lines
Comte "Sir your nose is rather large."
Cyrano "You are too simple sir, I present you with this and all you can think to say is your nose is rather large, why waste your opportunity."
Cyrano then insults his own nose at great length, when he's finished he says this to the Comte.
"These sir are all things you might have said were you a man of letters or if you had an ounce of wit to color your discourse, But wit you never had any, not an atom, and of letters, it requires but three to mark you down sir. A......S......S.      ASS!"   

[Andrew]

The greatest insult I've ever come across issues from our own beloved webmaster: "The broken condom that resulted in your conception should be on display in a museum as a testament to the futility of human effort in the face of an uncaring universe."

That's a work of art right there, Andrew. 

Thank you sir.  Amusingly, I was checking out this thread with the thought of posting that very same insult.  It's probably one of my best, and it jumped to mind when I read the thread title.

[Joe the Destroyer]

A guy I work, let's call him Nancy, with once epic failed a joke while someone was playing with their phone.  The person with the phone kept complaining about dropping bars, and Nancy, known for epic fails in both insults and history, says, "You're the kind of guy who would drop bars on soap." 

Everyone sat there in awkward silence and cringed.  I looked up and told Nancy, "Something tells me you're the guy who scalps tickets at a free concert."

[Trevor]

Dean would be familiar with this one I think ~ a great Aussie insult: "May all your chooks [chickens] turn into emus and kick your dunny [toilet] down." 

The Afrikaans language lends itself to some devastating insults ~ almost all of them revolving around a certain female body part of some long dead ancestor. 

[Zapranoth]

This from a Russian exchange student:

"He's a nice guy..
... when he's asleep, and facing the wall."

[CheezeFlixz]

One I use quite a bit is ...
"That's the smartest thing I've heard today, but it's still early."

other are ...

"The best part of you ran down the crack of your mommas a$$ and ended up a brown stain on the mattress."

"Did you're parents have any children that lived"

"You couldn't pour p**s out of a boot if the direction wear written on the heel."

"I've flushed thinks of greater interest."

"I'd call you a idiot but it'd be an insult to idiots."

I few from one of the come back kings ... Groucho Marx.

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it." (Thank you Groucho - I used this one referring to ones 'resume' instead of 'book'.)

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you."

and so many more ...

[ghouck]

I find great humor in how upset some people get when I refer to them as a 'breech birth'. It seems some people get REALLY upset, probably from not knowing exactly what the insulting part of that is supposed to be.