joke

[Psycho Circus]

Why were the bakers hands brown?


...Because he kneaded a poo 

[ghouck]

Sperm Whales aren't really whales, they're sperm, Chuck Norris's sperm.

[Doggett]

[Saucerman]

So, a serial killer walks into a bar and orders a Bloody Mary.  The bartender makes it for him, he takes a sip, spits it out, and stabs the bartender repeatedly while shouting, "IF I WANTED TOMATO JUICE, I WOULD HAVE ASKED FOR TOMATO JUICE!"

[Doggett]

Never ask a woman their age...

So, female posters...how much do you weigh ?

[ds21]

How are a pickle and mayonaise similar?



































































They both have feathers.



no, you aren't supposed to get it.  That's why it's funny  .

[Mr. DS]

Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups...he pushes the earth down. 

[ghouck]

Mike Tyson has a girly voice because he always dreamed of being Chuck Norris's wife.

[Mr. DS]

Some people wear Superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

[Saucerman]

Downtown, there's this bar, and this bar is named "Hell."  It has a "Dante's Inferno" theme to the decor.  One day, a priest, a rabbi, and Jason Vorhees walk into this bar called Hell. 

The priest goes up to the bartender and says, "Bartender, if you give me a free drink, I will put a blessing on your bar that will double your business."  And the bartender shrugs, gives the priest a free drink, and the priest blesses the bar.  Immediately, three more people walk in. 

The rabbi says, "That's nothing! Bartender, if you give me a free drink, I will put a blessing on your bar that will double your business again."  And the bartender shrugs, gives the rabbi a free drink, and the rabbi blesses the bar.  Immediately, six more people walk in. 

The bartender turns to Jason and says, "How about you? What will you give me for a free drink?"

Jason mulls this over for a moment, and then decapitates the bartender, sets the bar on fire, and walks out. 





The next day, newspaper headlines read, "PRIEST, RABBI, SEVERAL OTHERS BURN IN HELL."

[zombie no.one]

what's red and invisible?

no tomatoes

[RCMerchant]

Some kid is playing his drums-
Mom: If you don't quit bangin' on them drums-I'll go CRAZY!
Kid: Too late-I quit an hour ago! 

[Paquita]

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship steering wheel on his pants...
The bartender asks "Hey, why you gotta steering wheel on your pants?"
And the pirate says.."Arrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

[Doggett]

Some kid is playing his drums-
Mom: If you don't quit bangin' on them drums-I'll go CRAZY!
Kid: Too late-I quit an hour ago! 

That's a good 'n

[ER]

After twenty-five years of stress in an office, Tom bought land in a remote corner of Alaska and retired as far from other people as possible. At first this was great but gradually being alone did get to him.

Six months into retirement, there was a pounding knock at Tom's door. He rushed over and there stood a massive, bushy-bearded stranger dressed in buckskin. "Howdy," said the big man, "the name's Lars, and I live ten miles downriver from you. I'm havin' a party Friday night, and figured I'd stop over to invite you."

"Man, that sounds great!" Tom told Lars. "After half a year up here count me in!"

"All right," Lars agreed, "but I gotta warn you, Alaskan parties are wilder than the ones you might be used to. There's sure to be a powerful lot of hard drinkin'."

"Not a problem," Tom assured him, "I can drink with the best of them."

"Well," Lars added, "after all that drinkin' there's likely to be some fightin' too."

"I can get along with anybody," Tom promised. "I should be OK."

"Fine, but I better warn you of one last thing. There's gonna be lots of wild sex."

"Wow!" Tom exclaimed. "Then I'll be there for sure! What should I wear?"

"Don't much matter," Lars answered as he stomped back toward his pack mule, "it's just gonna be the two of us."