REMAKES AND "NEW VERSIONS" . . . WHEN WILL THE INSANITY END?

The Burgomaster · May 18, 2009, 02:31:42 PM

Okay, we've recently had remakes of LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, FRIDAY THE 13TH, and MY BLOODY VALENTINE. We're into the umpteenth version of STAR TREK. Now, we are facing the upcoming release of PELHAM 123, a remake of THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123. We've been over this ground before, but where will this madness end? We get one re-hash after another. My fear is that we are less than a decade away from a remake of THE GODFATHER. It will be directed by Michael Bay, and will star Russell Crowe as Don Corleone, Ashton Kutcher as Sonny, Michael Richards as Tessio, Jason Alexander as Clemenza, and Shia LaBeouf as Michael. Upon its release, Jesus will walk the earth again and we will all face our final judgment. I'm too young for this.

Psycho Circus · May 18, 2009, 02:41:12 PM

I keep hearing Tom Cruise wants to remake Jaws with Travolta.

(I know it'll happen in my lifetime, maybe not soon, but someday...)

Why can't they get some horrid disease and die already??

It's films like that, an stuff like "Raging Bull" and "Robocop" that truly beggars belief. I mean, how can you possibly better these films or change them to please critics and fans alike?? I know it's all for money, but If they derserve to be "re-imagined", why the hell did those films make so much money and end up being lauded so much in the first place. Like I said in the other remake topic, why not remake some really old films, instead of stuff barely 20 years old?? Just re-release these great films again in the cinemas for all these toothless knucklebutts.

RCMerchant · May 18, 2009, 05:48:51 PM

I agree. The bottom line,IMHO,is taht Hollywood is just plain LAZY. Why do something original when you can rehash old stuff? Films like THE DAY THE EARTH STOODSTILL (sorry Indiania),PLANET OF THE APES,DEATHRACE 2000,the US GODZILLA....why? why remake these films...and almost without exception....even with all their money and CGI fx...are CRAP! Look at I AM LEGEND....sure...It was remade with Heston in the 70's...but it was done with care. The Will Smith travesty was an overblown video game,to cash in on Smith ,done with cheap CGI,for preteens. BAH! Lets see some intelligent,original horror films...made for adults...not for fashion concious teenie boppers. It's either remakes,or stupid torture crap,like HOSTEL and SAW. I like remakes if they're done with respect to the sensibilities of an ADULT audiance (ie-Carpenters The THING) but the exceptions are few. Films like the Hammer DRACULA series are a whole differnt ball game. The didn't try to remake the Lugosi version...it was a entirly different animal. The reason for all these remakes and sequels-$$$$$. It's the state of modern exploitation. And I-as a fan of expliotation films-am not happy. If yer gonna exploit a classic-ie-the DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL-make Gort go on a psycho limb tearing rampage. Don't try to top the original. Put boobs and gore and cannabilism in it....THEN at least it's interesting!

Kester Pelagius · May 18, 2009, 05:59:18 PM

It's not the remakes that bother me so much as the fact they're A) dumbed down PG-13 tripe that's B) often got little to nothing to do with the original movie they're supposedly remakes of. Too bad. Hollywood could be "re-imagining" the movies of Herschell Gordon Lewis, Joe D'Amato, Paul Naschy, or Joe Sarno.

Then again Hollywood probably wouldn't know what to do with something like IRON WARRIOR, BLAST-OFF GIRLS, or ABIGAIL LESLIE'S BACK IN TOWN.

RCMerchant · May 18, 2009, 06:13:46 PM

She-at! Micheal Bey would totaly take a film like The WIZARD OF GORE and turn it into an ultra serious,CGI piece o crap. The original films were fun because of their low budgets and sense of doing someting different.The 'Lets put on a show!' mentallity. Al Adamson would roll in his grave. Suprised they haven't jumped on his classic SATAN'S SADIST yet.
Myahhh....I guess not really....to remake that takes BALLS,something that hacks in Hollywood lack. Euro-horror is our last outlet for GOOD films. Though I must say...I like Rob Zombie's films...just stay away from remakes,Rob! I enjoyed the first half of the new HALLOWEEN....untill the kid put on the Shatner mask...then it just devolved into another slice and dice. He has a good retro,white trash sensibility.

Trevor · May 19, 2009, 08:04:05 AM

If all this "re-working" and "re-imagining" crap is allowed to continue, we're probably going to have Casablanca re-made by Uwe Boll and The Guns of Navarone re-made by Michael Bay.

Kester Pelagius · May 19, 2009, 01:24:17 PM

Quote from: Trevor on May 19, 2009, 08:04:05 AM
If all this "re-working" and "re-imagining" crap is allowed to continue, we're probably going to have Casablanca re-made by Uwe Boll and The Guns of Navarone re-made by Michael Bay.

I don't know about Guns of Navarone but I seem to recall hearing something about a Casablanca remake being discussed some time ago. Anyone know what became of that?

asimpson2006 · May 19, 2009, 02:34:19 PM

Mark my words, if some one EVER does a remake of Showgirls I will stop watching films altogether. Not saying that I hate Showgirls I happen to like it a lot, but it's one of those films can't be remade.

The Burgomaster · May 19, 2009, 03:01:58 PM

Actually, there has already been a CASABLANCA remake - - CABOBLANCO with Charles Bronson.

Rev. Powell · May 19, 2009, 05:30:27 PM

We notice it because we're living through it, but honestly, is this anything new? Hasn't Hollywood always done remakes of popular films every ten years or so? I know DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE was made in 1920 and remade 1931 & 1941. I'm sure people can come up with lots of other examples.

Kester Pelagius · May 19, 2009, 06:54:05 PM

Quote from: Rev. Powell on May 19, 2009, 05:30:27 PM
We notice it because we're living through it, but honestly, is this anything new? Hasn't Hollywood always done remakes of popular films every ten years or so? I know DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE was made in 1920 and remade 1931 & 1941. I'm sure people can come up with lots of other examples.

There's a difference between directors and/or studios wanting to do their own adaptation/version of literary classics, such as DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE, and taking a extant movie and bringing in lawyers to draw up papers to turn it into a "property" then churning out a quickie re-make slash re-renvisioning of said property like a fast food franchise.

It was fine while this was just lame sequels using the title of a movie to try to make a quick buck (CAPTAIN BLOOD, JAWS, HELLRAISER, TREMORS, et al) but at least the sequels made an effort to try to have some sort of relationship to the original. The current trend in remakes is to just buy the rights to a well-known "property", find the cheapest script money can buy, and slap the property "logo" on the project.

Roger Corman's DEATHSTALKER worked because we all knew it was a rip on Conan. But if he had the money to buy the rights to Conan and slapped that title on his movies we would have been less forgiving. That's the problem with Hollywood remakes today. They're using the old exploitation model to produce cheapjack knock-offs. Basically Hollywood is a flea market selling counterfeit Gucci bags under license. They get away will selling counterfeits because they have the license and know people are stupid and don't know the difference anyway so, really, why bother producing quality goods when they can get the same money for the cheap s**te?

Rev. Powell · May 19, 2009, 07:46:01 PM

I'm still not convinced its a new phenomenon or that studios once viewed movies with respect and now view them merely as disposable properties to make a quick buck off of (I think they've always viewed them as disposable properties). It's always been cheaper to redo a story you already own the rights to or make a domestic version of a foreign script than to make something new, and less risky to reissue something that's already proved it's marketable.

A STAR IS BORN (1937)/A STAR IS BORN (1954)
THE MALTESE FALCON (1931)/SATAN MET A LADY (1936)/THE MALTESE FALCON (1941)
THE FRONT PAGE (1931)/HIS GIRL FRIDAY (1940)
GASLIGHT (1940)/GASLIGHT (1944)
YOJIMBO became A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS, THE SEVEN SAMURAI became THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN

Just a few examples, and they stick out because the remakes were pretty good. There are likely dozens or hundreds of examples where the remakes were so forgettable no one remembers them.

And of course there are the older genre film remakes that no one seems to mind much anymore but were probably outrageous when they first came out: INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS (1978), THE BLOB (1988), Hammer remaking the entire Universal horror cycle. I'm just not convinced there's anything that much different about today's remakes. We're just in a bit of an "up" cycle when it comes to remakes.

Jack · May 20, 2009, 06:47:12 AM

There have always been remakes, certainly, but it's become a much, MUCH larger percentage of Hollywood's output than it ever was before. It's like when rappers were sampling every single '80s pop song ever recorded.

I guess I could understand it from a completely cynical business point of view, but what absolutely boggles my mind is that the actors and directors of these things seem convinced they're doing ~~good~~ fantastic work. It's like a burger flipper at McDonald's talking about the latest hamburger they made as if it's truly a work of art.

Trevor · May 20, 2009, 07:06:09 AM

Quote from: Jack on May 20, 2009, 06:47:12 AM
I guess I could understand it from a completely cynical business point of view, but what absolutely boggles my mind is that the actors and directors of these things seem convinced they're doing ~~good~~ fantastic work.

That reminds me of Kevin Bray talking on the audio commentary of Walking Tall (which I actually liked, btw) about the re-imagining of the earlier film. He uses words that are longer than marmalade and you would swear he's talking about making some obscure art film, rather than a knock-down, kick-your-candy-apple-a** action film. At one point, he even says that he used music he heard in a Werner Herzog film!

Psycho Circus · May 20, 2009, 11:46:59 AM

Quote from: Rev. Powell on May 19, 2009, 05:30:27 PM
We notice it because we're living through it, but honestly, is this anything new? Hasn't Hollywood always done remakes of popular films every ten years or so? I know DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE was made in 1920 and remade 1931 & 1941. I'm sure people can come up with lots of other examples.

Yes but remakes these days are far, far, far worse.

My perfect example of a great remake, that bettered the original is David Cronenberg's "The Fly" (1986). Plus, it still holds up today and look better than any of the Sci-Fi, horror crap that's out there currently.