Killer Bees alert!

[Chadzilla]

Whilst thumbing through the TV Guide to see if there was something worthwhile on telly, I found the Friday Night Movie on PAX to be irresistable...KILLER BEES starring C. Thomas (The Hitcher, Soul Man) Howell!!!....and made in 2002 no less.  8PM Friday fellow bee-movie lovers (hehehe)

Man is this ever a must see, I wonder if it will top that Killer Bees: The Deadly Invasion flick w/Robert Hays from the 90s.  Lesson learned there, swarms of killer bees can yank a full grown and overweight man up off his feet and through a partially boarded up window.

And a note to Squishy, sorry I missed the repeat of Tornado Warning with Gerald McRainey, but I had to do laundry.  But the commercials make that a must see.  No way could it be worse than TORNADO! with Bruce Campbell or GARGANTUA with, uh, that guy who usually plays psychos, wasn't he in Cohen & Tate and Full Metal Jetal, Alec Baldwin, wasn't it???

[Squishy]

No sweat Chadzilla; "Tornado Warning" has been on PAX before, and it'll be on again. "Lightning: Fire From The Sky" was even worse than I could have imagined, and I'll be sure to see "Killer Bees." Ugh. Ugh. Eck.

[Foywonder]

It'll be hard for anything to be worse than SABRETOOTH which debuted on the Sci-Fi Channel this past weekend.

But as for KILLER BEES, all I can say is thank God I don't get PAX!

[Chadzilla]

I doubt it will be anywhere as funny as The Swarm, but my hopes are high that it will be at least be funny.

[Squishy]

"You will ask yourself how the Almighty could allow such a blasphemy on His Earth!"
--Dr. Not-The-Nine-O'Clock-News, "The Young Ones"

What is it with PAX? When "Tornado Warning" opened with the ol' parental-death-childhood-trauma cliche, I assumed it was simply one of the movie's many ripoffs from "Twister." But "Killer Bees" marks the fourth time I've seen a movie on PAX feature Daddy or Mommy gettin' kilt right in front of the kid, so I have to wonder: is PAX (a) mistaking Disney's habit of making their cartoon heroes and heroines orphans as an integral part of ALL "wholesome entertainment?" or (b) trying to convince everyone that God hates them?

I'm not one to dismiss CGI out-of-hand. I have seen several movies and shows and commercials in which it is used to brilliant effect. But this has been a bad, bad week for CGI; apparently every fool thinks they can do it, and therefore should do it. "Killer Bees" starts off with a nice Bee-POV shot for the credit sequence, which would have been perfect--except someone decided to tack a CGI bee IN the sequence, which actually looks worse than the fuzzy p***y of "Sabretooth"--which I didn't think was possible.

A minute or so later Daddy's being swarmed by more CGI effects that make the nutmeg sprinklings and styrofoam peanuts of the 25-year-old "The Swarm" look breathtaking by comparison. The kid--who witnesses this from the family vehicle, just like the kid in "The Swarm"--is so messed up by this that he grows up to be C. Thomas Howell (snicker), and become (heh heh) SHERIFF (AaaaaaaaaaHA HA HA HA HA HA!!!) of the town where Paw bit it gittin' bit.

Buford Pusser he ain't. An old coot blasts off a "warnin' shot" from his shotgun right in front of him, and Howell just stands there in front of him, avoiding eye contact and wanting to "talk it over."

Because this is "wholesome family entertainment," Ol' Crazy Galoot says things like "You go straight to heck!!" while discharging his weapons at groups of people. He then gits good n'likkered up and goes for a "mad" drive. Rear-ending another truck, he unleashes the title characters, who...well, do nothing. The old man unintentionally DRINKS one that flew into his bottle, and bingo, our body count is up to two.

Cutting to the chase, the title is baloney. People get stung, but very few die--and while this is more realistic than "Killer Bees: The Deadly Invasion," and sting victims actually sport some gross-but-not-over-the-top facial swelling (beating out "The Swarm"), these bees are more nusiance than threat. In fact, they're pretty damn docile for most of the show. I can't go into futher detail without spoiling, but let's just say the Hero's Death Exemption goes into super-double-overtime in the end; imagine "Marabunta!" or "The Savage Bees" with no real sense of danger at all.

And the movie's final shot only furthers my earlier suggestion that PAX is trying to convince everyone that God hates them. Or maybe He just hates C. Thomas Howell.

And that's one thing we both agree on.

Notes:
(1) Standard cliches abound, from Bad Suits Foreclosing On Grampa to But We're Going To Have The Big Festival Next Week!  I assume computers are assembling "scripts" for movies now.
(2) Killer bees apparently don't mind if you splash them with gasoline and set them on fire. No biggie.
(3) Experts are always incompetent, whether they're bee experts, tornado experts, or those damn Commies trying to teach evolution in th' public schools.
(4) Bees love whiskey, dislike being ingested, and don't want to touch C. Thomas Howell. All understandable positions.
(5) Discharging weapons at people and driving drunk are more wholesome than saying "go to hell."

[Chadzilla]

Just a few comments...

Squishy wrote:
>
>
> What is it with PAX? When "Tornado Warning" opened with the
> ol' parental-death-childhood-trauma cliche, I assumed it was
> simply one of the movie's many ripoffs from "Twister." But
> "Killer Bees" marks the fourth time I've seen a movie on PAX
> feature Daddy or Mommy gettin' kilt right in front of the
> kid, so I have to wonder: is PAX (a) mistaking Disney's habit
> of making their cartoon heroes and heroines orphans as an
> integral part of ALL "wholesome entertainment?" or (b) trying
> to convince everyone that God hates them?

Call me stupid, but I thought that the opening was part of the movie plot and kept waiting for Sheriff Howell (if this is Washington State, why is he acting like a cracker? ugh) to show up and investigate.  Yeah, the cliche was that poorly introduced.
 
> I'm not one to dismiss CGI out-of-hand. I have seen several
> movies and shows and commercials in which it is used to
> brilliant effect. But this has been a bad, bad week for CGI;
> apparently every fool thinks they can do it, and
> therefore should do it. "Killer Bees" starts off with
> a nice Bee-POV shot for the credit sequence, which would have
> been perfect--except someone decided to tack a CGI bee IN the
> sequence, which actually looks worse than the fuzzy p***y of
> "Sabretooth"--which I didn't think was possible.

My wife's comment was priceless 'It looks like a hamster!!!"
 
> A minute or so later Daddy's being swarmed by more CGI
> effects that make the nutmeg sprinklings and styrofoam
> peanuts of the 25-year-old "The Swarm" look breathtaking by
> comparison. The kid--who witnesses this from the family
> vehicle, just like the kid in "The Swarm"--is so messed up by
> this that he grows up to be C. Thomas Howell (snicker), and
> become (heh heh) SHERIFF (AaaaaaaaaaHA HA HA HA HA HA!!!) of
> the town where Paw bit it gittin' bit.
>
> Buford Pusser he ain't. An old coot blasts off a "warnin'
> shot" from his shotgun right in front of him, and Howell just
> stands there in front of him, avoiding eye contact and
> wanting to "talk it over."

I notice that Howell had a hard time making eye contact with anyone.  Now, I know that man can act (courtesy of The Hitcher) and can safely say that this had to be the most blatant example of a humiliated actor phoning in a performance.  Howell's discomfort with his lame character and lamer lines is just physical in its discomfort.  And Hollywood...the Sheriff is an ELECTED position, not one appointed by the Evil Capitalist Mayor.  OKAY!?!?!?

> Because this is "wholesome family entertainment," Ol' Crazy
> Galoot says things like "You go straight to heck!!" while
> discharging his weapons at groups of people. He then gits
> good n'likkered up and goes for a "mad" drive. Rear-ending
> another truck, he unleashes the title characters, who...well,
> do nothing. The old man unintentionally DRINKS one that flew
> into his bottle, and bingo, our body count is up to two.

Uh, am I the only one who finds that whole 'wholesome family entertainment' jazz just a tad silly?  Most of this stuff is as violent and vile as the mainstream entertainment they decry so loudly.
 
> Cutting to the chase, the title is baloney. People get stung,
> but very few die--and while this is more realistic than
> "Killer Bees: The Deadly Invasion," and sting victims
> actually sport some gross-but-not-over-the-top facial
> swelling (beating out "The Swarm"), these bees are more
> nusiance than threat. In fact, they're pretty damn docile for
> most of the show. I can't go into futher detail without
> spoiling, but let's just say the Hero's Death Exemption goes
> into super-double-overtime in the end; imagine "Marabunta!"
> or "The Savage Bees" with no real sense of danger at all.

Again, no explanation as to why the bees venom is stronger than the normal bee.

> And the movie's final shot only furthers my earlier
> suggestion that PAX is trying to convince everyone that God
> hates them. Or maybe He just hates C. Thomas Howell.

 
A final shot so cruel that I could not believe someone would play such a sick joke.  And why were they back, Sheriff Howell did nothing to reclaim his property.  Oh, he was noble in the face of evil...uh, yeah

I rate it a skull.

Oh, one thing to learn.  While the "Honey Festival" is being attacked, several parents rush around grabbing children and hot footing it from the scene, all the while one extra just slowly strolls through the frame with all the panic of a sloth.

Lesson learned -  Bees can build huge hives in a matter of seconds, if not a minute.  (Really, just how long DID it take for fired Sheriff Howell to cross town to the Family Friendly, Shotgun Toting Little Old Lady???)

Again, Killer Bees rates a SKULL